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D/s or Kinky Sex?... The most common saying in the BDSM world is “Safe, Sane and Consensual.” {*** This is my point of view ***} Being submissive and in a D/s relationship, one thinks that you - the sub, little, baby girl/boy - has no power. When actually that is a miss conceived oxymoron. You are the one with the power. You make the list of soft and hard limits. You establish the rules and boundaries. You have a safeword. You are the one who at the end of it all says “Yes, I submit.” But until that moment arises, you must remain strong, independent, and constantly remind yourself of your self-worth. You are the only one who is going to stand up for yourself. Just because you are the submissive doesn’t mean you’re automatically someone’s plaything. You are not a pushover or an easy lay. You get to be super picky and you should be. This is Your Life. You get to make the decision/choice and it should not be an easy one. The fact that you are in a D/s relationship does not mean that sex is all there is to it. It is still a relationship in which the vanilla world overlaps. Conversation and communication of your daily life and happenings are just as important. It plays into the D/s relationship through the mental aspect. If you had a bad or stressful day you must communicate that. Your frame of mind should always be high concern and priority of your Partner. You should always be able to have a conversation lasting more than just 60 minutes about something other than sex. If you can’t do that with your partner, it’s not a relationship, it’s just NSA kinky sex. So let’s say you met someone and you really seem to have a lot in common. Great! Hiking, camping, sports, fine wine, tv shows, music, movies…. Huh? You have no clue if they enjoy those things? WHY NOT?!? This is a relationship. Relationships start from friendships. Don’t you want to know something about this person to which you are submitting your sexual side too? If you don’t establish the friendship, how can you expect the relationship to last? Where do respect and trust come from? You can’t just expect it to be there in the relationship from day one. It takes time, possibly months, for them to be established, grown, and earned. Without these things, how can you think that they will be attentive to you, your wants, and your needs? Your safeword or your limits for that matter. And so it comes back to communication and conversation. Establishing a friendship. Being more than just a submissive bed buddy. Take your time with this process. If at any point you are expected to go beyond your limits, are not taken seriously about concerns you have, your trust is broken, your safeword is ignored and/or you feel your life is in danger - Never Ever feel ashamed to ask for help and do it immediately. Even if you're just questioning the manner in which it happened, ASK! Your safety and well-being should always be the number one priority of any Sane Dom/Domme. Now, some couples do take it a step farther than just Dom/sub. The next level, IF they both agree, would be Master/slave. And that my Dear… Is a whole other ball game. –-Library for Kinksters  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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The differential of power, varies daily and on the circumstances in any D/s relationship. It does in M/S too, but most of those folks don't admit it.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Well put! I’d be hard-pressed to tally the hundreds of hours I’ve spent over the years delivering this message (to little-letter-types in particular, for whom risks are on average far greater than for those left of the slash for obvious reasons)- usually along with encouraging them to see out a good submissive round table. ... all things worth their internalizing before even thinking about their (usually next) foray into power exchange. It’s sobering to consider the number of people who’ve been mindfucked by domineering victimizers, preying on the desires of those given to submission, into believing that being a passive doormat is “how it works”. Every healthy little-letter-type should, of necessity, develop sognificant counter-predatory skills, beginning with refining an eye for inconsistencies. One of the earliest bits of advice I’ve given to every potential partner is by way of welcoming scrutiny- to encourage attention to every detail of my actions and, further, extend a license to challenge me without fear of repercussion, anger, or punishment if ever something doesn’t align with what I represent, and to consider what it would really mean for my ego to demand otherwise. If I or anyone else is in a position to exploit vulnerability is unable to immediately, plainly and clearly provide an explanation that is solid and reasonable relating to a potential (perceived) inconsistency of character or behavior, then running- not walking- for the door is appropriate. This should not be burdensome to anyone but someone extraordinarily ego-fragile, who in any case would have little business being entrusted with power in an exchange. One thing’s for certain- every SRT needs a voice at the table that shares and reinforces the message you’ve shared here. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Well put! I’d be hard-pressed to tally the hundreds of hours I’ve spent over the years delivering this message (to little-letter-types in particular, for whom risks are on average far greater than for those left of the slash for obvious reasons)- usually along with encouraging them to see out a good submissive round table. ... all things worth their internalizing before even thinking about their (usually next) foray into power exchange. It’s sobering to consider the number of people who’ve been mindfucked by domineering victimizers, preying on the desires of those given to submission, into believing that being a passive doormat is “how it works”. Every healthy little-letter-type should, of necessity, develop sognificant counter-predatory skills, beginning with refining an eye for inconsistencies. One of the earliest bits of advice I’ve given to every potential partner is by way of welcoming scrutiny- to encourage attention to every detail of my actions and, further, extend a license to challenge me without fear of repercussion, anger, or punishment if ever something doesn’t align with what I represent, and to consider what it would really mean for my ego to demand otherwise. If I or anyone else is in a position to exploit vulnerability is unable to immediately, plainly and clearly provide an explanation that is solid and reasonable relating to a potential (perceived) inconsistency of character or behavior, then running- not walking- for the door is appropriate. This should not be burdensome to anyone but someone extraordinarily ego-fragile, who in any case would have little business being entrusted with power in an exchange. One thing’s for certain- every SRT needs a voice at the table that shares and reinforces the message you’ve shared here.
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 Slave rick
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7/16/2020 10:36 am |
The differential of power, varies daily and on the circumstances in any D/s relationship. It does in M/S too, but most of those folks don't admit it.
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The differential of power, varies daily and on the circumstances in any D/s relationship. It does in M/S too, but most of those folks don't admit it. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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As always, take what you need and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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