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Understanding The Risks The Darwin Awards are something that is always good for a laugh and if you do not know what these ‘awards’ are for, well simply they are given to individuals who acted so stupidly that it resulted in their death. I do not know if these incidents are real or the fiction of human minds but the stories at least are always worth a laugh. Here in the lifestyle, there are activities, play, and actions that can be highly erotic, sensual, and orgasmic but if the people involved do not know what they are doing, it can result in serious, permanent harm and death. I know this is a Debbie Downer topic but I want to talk about what happens if something goes wrong and yes Master Chokezilla, I understand it was an accident and you never meant to hurt, Natalie Newbie. So let’s speculate for a minute, that Chokezilla just injured Ms. Newbie during play but being the responsible person he is, he called emergency services or took her to a hospital/clinic for care. Very commendable but he has opened up a huge new can of worms. First, even though it was consensual, it looks like domestic violence and to Dr. Valerie Vanilla, ER doctor extraordinaire, it is abuse. In most places, Dr. Valerie Vanilla will be required to call law enforcement which in more and more places, it is no longer up to Natalie if Chokezilla will be charged with a crime but law enforcement. When that is coupled with the ‘evidence’ Dr. Vanilla collected treating Ms. Newbie, there is a good chance ‘Zilla’ will be guilty of assault/domestic violence (or if he is lucky just have legal bills from here to eternity). More than likely he gets a taxpayer-paid vacation to pound-him-in-the-ass prison, followed by no chance of having a career. Even places that require asking “would you like fries with that” stay away from those charged/convicted of domestic violence (I suppose if Zilla is an NFL player, he will just get a couple of weeks vacation and be back to ‘work’ but that discussion is for another day). If things went very wrong, and Ms. Newbie tragically passes, consensual or not Master Chokezilla is going to go to prison, period end of the story. With that said, how many reading this know what R.A.C.K. or S.S.C stand for? I know that there will be some of you who do but for those that do not, this is the shorthand for two theories or viewpoints on how participants in the lifestyle treat the risks they are taking. Now, this is not about which one is correct, incorrect, or better (so please no debating this here). Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Safe, Sane, and Consensual are what both of these abbreviations mean. No matter which you practice, it is paramount that the risks are understood by everyone involved. No matter how safely you are in your kinky engagements, mistakes happen, things go wrong, and you HAVE to know what you are doing. For example, a few weeks ago I was chatting with a new dominant who reached out for some advice. This gentleman and his partner were both new to the lifestyle and relying on FetLife, Reddit, and blogs for ‘how-to’ advice. Now there is some amazing, spot-on teaching happening in all those places but all of us know what else is going on there too, malarkey. He brought up the play that he enjoys with his partner and the first thing he expressed was that he loved spanking her body from head to toe, sometimes ‘hitting hard’. Then without pausing, he rolls into how they are looking forward to their first experience with doing ATM play (ass to mouth, not spending all her money). When he finished, I asked can you tell me the places on the body that you should not spank/hit? To which the reply was, I hit her all over and it never seems to hurt her other than some bruises. Facepalm moment for me and next I asked since you are both on board with ATM play, do you both understand and accept the health risks of this activity? His reply, “Can you tell me the risks, please?” Facepalm again. Not only are their risks to life and limb from lifestyle activities but legal risks that people need to be aware of and understand. I am not just talking about the fictional misadventure of Chokezilla and Newbie above. A quick read at The Marshall Project, which is a nonpartisan, not for profit organization that works to highlight issues in U.S. criminal justice system, shows some of the things I am sure most of you did not think of when you engaged in play. Such as: Any object used for the titillation of naughty bits is illegal to make/sell in Alabama (sorry no dildos for y’all) and should you just not be able to control yourself, plan on shelling out twenty grand and enjoying up to a year of accommodations provided in a facility to be determined by the state. How about some good old fashioned backdoor loving. Not if you live in these states because sodomy is illegal in Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. In Louisiana, it is called, I you not, a “crime against nature”. Yes, there was a court case that threw out laws that forbade it between same-sex partners, so things were changed that just made it illegal for everyone. What do you say we just do a little old fashioned bondage? If you live in New York state, having handcuffs is against the law unless you are employed as law enforcement, a PI, or rent-a-cop. Maybe we can start the Paul Blart Mall Cop Bondage Insititute? If you are not one of those you get a hefty fine and as a bonus, jail time! Now if you live in the penis-shaped state, home of the Magic Kinkdom, you can have those handcuffs, cuffs, and stuff, just not in the butt, your partner/playmate however you cannot possess a key to the cuffs. Those are illegal. So I guess you just leave your partner/playmate cuffed when you are done with stuffing? In the legal world, “Consent is not a defense,” according to Susan Wright of the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom and I think it is important to remember this when you choose to accept the legal risks that go along with the play you wish to engage in. Yes, the physical risks of lifestyle activities are the greater danger but to make informed decisions, you must also learn and accept the legal risks. This is truly how many people approach the lifestyle, they love the fun and games, the role plays, and even the bounds of trust created by power exchange but they do not educate themselves on how to safely engage in their kinks. If you are dominant or submissive, you must know the risks, both legal and physical of the play you engage in. I know it sounds simple but if you are into breath play, do you know how to do rescue breaths/CPR? Did you make sure that your partner knew how to safely choke and save you should something go wrong or did you just blindly trust as they closed off your access to air? No matter your role, you must educate yourself on how to safely engage in your kinks as well as learn/accept the risks of those acts. It is not anyone else’s responsibility but your own. No blaming a blog post, online video, or alternative facts if things go haywire. This lifestyle is a serious business, so make it your business to know what you are doing, understand, and accept the risks before you move forward. The life you save truly may be your own. ©TLK2020  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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First, let me start by saying thank you. Underneath the title of my blog "It's All Relevant," there is a search box if you enter the words: BDSM, submissive, Dominant, slave, or books, you'll find countless pieces that will hopefully give you what you're looking for. I hope that was helpful and welcome. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Excellent post Alil!  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think this should be required reading to "enter" the lifestyle door.
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9/8/2020 5:49 am |
Risk assessment must start with the meeting. Understanding that you're meeting a stranger for something you won't want to discuss with police or have appearing on the front page of the newspaper. Don't be afraid to terminate a meeting at any point where you feel uncomfortable. I had such a meeting about 5 yrs ago on a nice summer morning I meet a girl I had chatted with on a web site. She was cute, but her personality was flat. Something made me decide not to go forward and I walked away. Second guessing myself the whole way. A few weeks later I found out about her. Her name is Miranda Barbour, google it. It's important to realize that the risks swing in both directions here.
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You bring up points I have touched on in the past. You mention ATM here. It is done more and more. But, the risks are greater than the proponents/practitioners of such will acknowledge, major infections. Choking/breath play you mention, very high risk. Slapping, of the facial area can be very high risk.; resulting in detached retinas, jaw issues, damaged ear drums, broken teeth. Needle play, without proper cleaning, high risk; infections. Enema play with alcohol beverages, is one of the more common activities putting people in the hospital with alcohol poising. Abrasive play, can be an issue with various skin condition, again with the possibility of infections like the flesh eating kind. Latex apparel, latex gloves and latex body paint can have allergic reactions. Playing in places that are not well clean and checked out for insects, people can react to spider bites. Have that epi pen handy. Know where you are going to play and make sure it is clean, going to old warehouse, which may have nasty chemical residue or the aforementioned spider or other creature that bite. Outdoor play can have ants, spiders and such people will have reactions to. Going barefoot, not hardly mentioned. but there are things that can penetrate the skin in both indoor and out door places, diabetics are subject to issues if their feet are penetrated by broken glass, twigs, or any sharp object. You touched on hitting the body; people with hip or joint issue, need to have cation employed. The kidneys, way too susceptible to injury. Broken bones, many folks have brittle bones, be very careful if you are going to do any impact play with those over 50. If you are doing any sort of restrain or suspension play, make sure the cuffs and such you use are made to take the weight of the subject. There are plenty of items out there for that sort of play, but even some well known retailers of such wil sell what are basically decorative or not well made items that can easily break and the subject can fall and be injured if they do not hold. Insert able, should only be used if there is a means of removal as part of the item. Also, make sure they are clean and disinfected prior to use. And, never share between partners without proper cleaning. In fact, sharing of toys, specially insert bale should only be used on one person and if the relationship end, discard of them. Passing on of STD's or infection is way too common, but hardly ever discussed.Urinary tract infections are very common in women. Using a finger vaginally and specially anally then going to the mouth, although extremely common, can be an issue with various infections that may not be know at the time of play. Electrical play of any sort. Be extremely careful around the heart, and be sure the subject is clear of any heat issue and does not use a pacemaker. Any sort of electrical play with someone with known heart rhythm issues should just not do it. Way too many over the age of 40 are not aware of heart rhythm issues. I am not saying you can't do any of the things mentioned, but Alcohol play, ATM of any sort slapping and electrical play get folks to the emergency room far more than is discussed. People that practice these activities who wind up there as a patient or one who has been the top in such play don't like to advertise they would up doing something that resulted in a hospitalization. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Excellent post Alil!
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Excellent write, I live in Nevada, thankfully most of those laws do not apply
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aliljaded, this piece is definitely relevant and is needed. As writen in the piece “Consent is not a defense,” and the "vannila" worlkd has issues with "regular" sexual expression as it is. This is why your book list that you posted the ohter day is relevant as well.
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You bring up points I have touched on in the past. You mention ATM here. It is done more and more. But, the risks are greater than the proponents/practitioners of such will acknowledge, major infections. Choking/breath play you mention, very high risk. Slapping, of the facial area can be very high risk.; resulting in detached retinas, jaw issues, damaged ear drums, broken teeth. Needle play, without proper cleaning, high risk; infections. Enema play with alcohol beverages, is one of the more common activities putting people in the hospital with alcohol poising. Abrasive play, can be an issue with various skin condition, again with the possibility of infections like the flesh eating kind. Latex apparel, latex gloves and latex body paint can have allergic reactions. Playing in places that are not well clean and checked out for insects, people can react to spider bites. Have that epi pen handy. Know where you are going to play and make sure it is clean, going to old warehouse, which may have nasty chemical residue or the aforementioned spider or other creature that bite. Outdoor play can have ants, spiders and such people will have reactions to. Going barefoot, not hardly mentioned. but there are things that can penetrate the skin in both indoor and out door places, diabetics are subject to issues if their feet are penetrated by broken glass, twigs, or any sharp object. You touched on hitting the body; people with hip or joint issue, need to have cation employed. The kidneys, way too susceptible to injury. Broken bones, many folks have brittle bones, be very careful if you are going to do any impact play with those over 50. If you are doing any sort of restrain or suspension play, make sure the cuffs and such you use are made to take the weight of the subject. There are plenty of items out there for that sort of play, but even some well known retailers of such wil sell what are basically decorative or not well made items that can easily break and the subject can fall and be injured if they do not hold. Insert able, should only be used if there is a means of removal as part of the item. Also, make sure they are clean and disinfected prior to use. And, never share between partners without proper cleaning. In fact, sharing of toys, specially insert bale should only be used on one person and if the relationship end, discard of them. Passing on of STD's or infection is way too common, but hardly ever discussed.Urinary tract infections are very common in women. Using a finger vaginally and specially anally then going to the mouth, although extremely common, can be an issue with various infections that may not be know at the time of play. Electrical play of any sort. Be extremely careful around the heart, and be sure the subject is clear of any heat issue and does not use a pacemaker. Any sort of electrical play with someone with known heart rhythm issues should just not do it. Way too many over the age of 40 are not aware of heart rhythm issues. I am not saying you can't do any of the things mentioned, but Alcohol play, ATM of any sort slapping and electrical play get folks to the emergency room far more than is discussed. People that practice these activities who wind up there as a patient or one who has been the top in such play don't like to advertise they would up doing something that resulted in a hospitalization. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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9/8/2020 4:38 am |
So glad I do not live in the USA.
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without openness and truth, there is no risk, only exploitation. risk must live with truth.
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I enjoy your writing.. your sensual and thoughtful remarks. I am sure you are a joy in many ways... I know what recovery is but understand and knowing the object of "play" and their key indicators is the way.
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This piece is so Relevant and worth a read. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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