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It's BDSM, not magic. Have realistic expectations. When Doms and subs are new and discovering their true natures, I find that many of them have idealistic, grandiose ideas of what their relationship is going to be like. I think that these unrealistic expectations cause many potentially good relationships to have a lot of tension where there shouldn’t be any, and even cause them to fail. This does not have to be the case. For the subs, I want you to know a Dom is a HUMAN BEING. He is not a mind-reader. He is not invincible. He potentially comes with baggage just like you do. He has emotions that can be hurt, just like yours can. He is putting himself out there, JUST LIKE YOU ARE. Please do not think that he is incapable of making mistakes because he is. This does not mean he’s a bad Dom, this simply means that you need to talk. Although many Doms are very observant and intuitive, they still need you to talk about what’s on your mind. Maybe he pushed you harder physically than he should have, maybe you needed more aftercare than he provided, maybe he made a decision that caused you emotional distress…whatever it is, it doesn’t make him a horrible Dom. The only way he is a jerk is if he’s not willing to talk to you about it, or willing to admit he messed up. Aside from those issues, MISTAKES HAPPEN. If his heart is in the right place, then give the guy a pass and allow him to apologize (A GOOD DOM WILL SAY SORRY!). Talk about your feelings, allow him a moment to express why he did what he did and the two of you can move forward. Mistakes a part of ANY relationship. BDSM is no different. If you expect your Dom to be some perfect, all-knowing being then I hate to break it to you…you’re living in a delusion. For the Doms, your sub is not perfect either. She comes with past hurts and emotions that may affect her service. She doesn’t come into the relationship knowing every little thing that you need her to do. Her moods can change because of a bad day, hormones, family-stress, etc. There will be times when she might be able to take more physical pain than others, and times where she might be able to handle it at all. Again, she is human. She is not a robot who is going to get it right all the time. The solution is not necessarily to brutally beat her either. It is important for you to be patient and look at the ENTIRE picture of what’s going on. Is she going through something that is causing her to behave a certain way? Did she try her best and something outside of her control caused her to make an error? Again, she is not perfect and every time she messed up does not mean her heart and head were not in the right place. it is important to recognize that even the best of subs are going to have instances where they don’t do it 100% right and there should be enough wiggle room for that. Every misstep is not willful disobedience. So again, my friends…my goal is to tell you that engaging BDSM and D/s don’t mean that you’re going to have this relationship that is shielded from all of the problems vanilla relationships experience. Yes, the power exchange does provide some natural order, but there are still issues that have the potential to arise. Every moment is not going to be hot sex and excitement. No one can keep that up every minute of the day. I don’t care what you see online, real-life prevents every single second of a D/s relationship to be bliss. I’m sorry, but the world simply won’t allow that. People have jobs, , families, friends, and various responsibilities from keeping them inside a perfect little D/s bubble. I’m asking all of you who are interested in learning more to talk to people who really live this. Allow them to talk to you about potential issues that can arise. As lovely as online relationships can be, a person who has ONLY served online cannot tell you what the experiences of living with someone 24/7 will be like. Recognize that a collar and whip do not mean that every ounce of emotional baggage and stress melts away and you are suddenly new creatures. If there’s anything I’ve learned about D/s is that personality issues like jealousy, insecurity, selfishness, etc will be MAGNIFIED in this kind of power-exchange. There is NO room to hide in this dynamic and I promise you that all of those negative things about you won’t be hidden for long if you are really giving this your all. The beautiful (and sometimes scary) thing about D/s is the unimaginable intimacy that can come. It leaves no room for pretending. Be realistic. Remember that we are all people. A Dom is a person, not a god. A sub is a person, not a robot. Keep those things in the back of your mind and you will learn and grow with each other instead of constantly trying to figure out why your relationship isn’t as perfect as what you see on Tumblr. I am sure their relationship isn’t that perfect, either. People tend to talk about the good things (we ALL do it) because that’s what we want to shine a light on. Don’t think because you’re not perfect that you’re doing it wrong. You’re probably right on target. If everything was right from the start, there’d be no room to grow. *Unknown  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Another great read Ali!
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I never had a magic wand except for his Hachi magic wands. Sometimes one would be nice. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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It's important to be realistic.
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10/3/2020 7:57 am |
At it's core a relationship is about acceptance and trust. Those are the chains too small to be felt until they become too strong to be broken.
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SO TRUE .... However what is magical is all the mostly blank FAKE profiles of men claiming to be swingers and dominants here on ALT
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good information..thank you
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10/3/2020 5:38 am |
I completely agree with you. Communication is the KEY in any relationship, especially in these types of relationships. The more you communicate with one another, the more the expectations of the relationship can be realized, and more pleasure can come from the relationship.
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so right there. i alway talk thing out with who ever in with before. at the time od everything in a good way not to break up what's going on and after too. it works most of the time. many people don't do it at all or not enough. a very nice pic. like alway's. you do make my day every morning !!!
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10/3/2020 5:17 am |
Very true.
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The key word... 'relationship'... great post.
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Way too many base relationships on what they read in Erotic stories (i.e. fiction) and on on line role play. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Enlightening post....thank you.
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As always, take what you need, and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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