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What are some good questions to ask a prospective Dom/me to help spot fakes and predators? First principle: open-ended questions. The second principle: let the prospect keep talking. The third principle: respond briefly (“Ah.” “I see.” that sort of thing). Fourth principle: if he keeps bringing the conversation back sexual matters, that’s a big red flag. Now, some specific questions. How the prospect answers these questions will be telling. Tell me about your journey as a Dom/me. (let him/her ramble) What is the most fulfilling part of being a Dom/me? (you want hear things like the responsibility for guiding and directing and shaping you, not “having you suck my dick”) Tell about your last sub. ( note whether he/she speaks well or ill of her, regardless of how it ended) Why did your last sub leave you? (she/he may not have been the one leave, but the question will throw him off balance) Which of your exes can I contact as a reference? (any Dom/ with any lived experience is going have at least one ex who can speak his qualifications) Tell about your mentor. (mentors are hard to come by these days, but “self-taught” is often “badly taught”) Tell me what non-kink things you bring to a scene. (you want to hear first aid kit, scissors to deal with rope- mishaps in a hurry, H2O, snacks for aftercare) How do you handle a safeword situation when the sub doesn’t have the power of speech? (you’re looking for him/her talk about things like “safe gestures” or similar signals) What is your 1-month vision for our dynamic if we decide go forward? (you’re looking for the establishment of basic daily structure, rules, tasks, protocols). 3-month vision? (you’re looking for things like him/her holding you accountable, possibly the beginnings of orgasm control, etc) 1-year vision? (if he/she doesn’t have a 1-year vision, he’s most likely just looking to get laid) Tell me 5 non-sexual things you would incorporate into our dynamic to help me feel my submission and your dominance? (you’re looking for things like good morning/good night, check-ins, possibly clothing and meal approval, that sort of thing) Be cagey, vet thoroughly, and above , trust your gut. Your brain is sometimes unreliable, and your submissive desires will get you in kinds of trouble, but your gut never lies. instructor4~  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Beautiful 
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10/8/2020 10:13 pm |
Specifically: What, where and why?
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outstanding post
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ali This is great advice! Thanks for sharing A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Most I seem to get give there rules in the first three words they say to that a red flag. But the rest of what you had said seem like sound questions to ask.
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 Slave rick
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A good question and some great recommendations. I love a sub who shows confidence and concern for herself. I’d offer one piece of gentle advice though, that within your vetting, you take care with the tone of your questions. A good Dom, not just looking to get laid, is also vetting you to ensure that you’re both compatible. A tone that comes across as overbearing or demanding, may end the interview sooner than you might like. Keep it light. Towards that end, I always tell people to ask to see pictures of some of their toys. Most Doms love their toys, and anyone who claims to have been involved in any kind of D/s relationship/scene for any period of time will likely have accumulated some that they are proud to show off. Beware the Dom that tells you that they’re all in storage. 😂
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I like to ask, things like, what triggered your interest in this kind of relationship? Is your inteest limited to the bedroom/dungeon? What makes you smile? Would you want your children (if they had any) to be aware or are they aware of your interests? More or less the same questions you have listed. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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SAGE ADVICE 
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alilijaded, this is an excellent post as shown by the questions that you have posed. The "Tell me what non-kink things you bring to a scene. (you want to hear first aid kit, scissors to deal with rope- mishaps in a hurry, H2O, snacks for aftercare)" is a excellent one in that it tells you id the Dom/me takes responsibility for the submissive seriously. Another good question is "Do you have a friend in BDSM community that can be a reference?" If the Dom/me does not have a good friend in the BDSM realm, how can they be in D/s relationship?
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first thing is a very nice pic. as alway's !! then i found they do mess up pretty fast when they write somehow. the fakes alway's do. so i never had to look to far into what else you say. but i did read it all and very smart as away's thank you so much !!! have a great day
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this question in particular seems a great idea for her: "Tell me what non-kink things you bring to a scene. (you want to hear first aid kit, scissors to deal with rope- mishaps in a hurry, H2O, snacks for aftercare)" very smart
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Ive found people looking for a quick fumble lose interest when you speak about mundane things. I can tell if someone is not looking a relationship easily.But if they seek a full on fetish style, no commitment,on the side thing then it's easy to tell. I have mentioned that I do not buy a sub his ''things'' thats enough to put him off Me. The men I have met through sources like this have been plentiful,but the standards were low, too low for Me. Im more a FLR than a Dominatrix these days. I have no desire to flog, suffocate and brand anyone.
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As always, take what you need and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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