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Know Yourself When learning something, there are levels of mastery. Intellectual, emotional, and lastly, integration - meaning that the understanding is in the cells of your body and is part of your general being. When it comes to D/s, both sides of that slash need to get to that 3rd level - integration - before proclaiming to be either D or s. Until you’ve really explored your own psychology within the realms of either side of that slash, you are likely to either get hurt or hurt someone else. You may hear/say, “It’s part of my being; in my DNA” and that may be true (hopefully it is); but, that doesn’t negate the value in really understanding what the dynamic and being on either side of the slash provides as a benefit in their/your life. Parroting the language of psychology does not equate to mastery or comprehension of said psychology. Declaring, “I am ___” doesn’t = actually being that thing. Don’t just take someone’s word for it. Ask them how they know; when they realized; how the dynamic benefits them; how they vet a potential partner; what advice they’d give someone saying “I want to be a ____” and anything else you can think of to discover their depth/level of mastery. If you’re exploring with your partner, talk about what you are learning as you go. Solidify the lessons. If what you’re experiencing doesn’t feed your psyche and spirit, stop. Don’t fake it. Be careful with yourself. Know yourself. ~empoweredsubmissive  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Wonderful post as always and a reminder to never stop asking questions ... whether you are just starting out or many years down the line Life So Short, The Craft So Long To Learn
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ali This is more first- class advice  A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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If you talk the talk you better know how to walk the walk. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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My experience are, that as soon as i start to ask qeustions, they start to talk out of their... youknowwhat... Dont give straight answers, use my nomenclature, to answer, but by their answering i can see, they havent got a cleu. That are the decent guys. Confused, thought it was just all kinky sex, i do, what he demands, and thats all there is to it... For some that is the case..... Not for me. The other guys just get real nasty, trying to degradate, humiliate me. Shouting insults.... When that happens, it is always a sign, that my gut feelings about this person were right! Yeah, right, that is really a sign that he is in control?! NOT. I, as a submissive/slave orientated woman, knows what i have to offer. What i want too. I cant offer anything, when that person has no cleu... How to lead a conversation, to take on the responsiblity, guide me... Get to know mé, as a person.... Nice piece of knowledge, alil.
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I have had a recent similar situation where someone I used to know for quite some time revealed it is in a Lifestyle, is Dom, love this, do that, etc... so I started asking questions to understand him better.. since when, how did you recognized and acknowledged, how you manage to live that life since he is married and his wife is all vanilla, where does he meet likeminded people and if he is actually more into kinky sex rather than into the Lifestyle... needless to say he was more than confused with questions, giving partial indefinite explanations and soon our contact faded out...
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Well I KNOW I love that outfit that beautiful lady is wearing.
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To understand oneself is so critical !
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 Slave rick
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I absolutely agree. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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