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So... What Are You Into? It seems that the phrase “What are you into?” is one of the standard pickup lines used in the world of lifestyle dating. Now it is nowhere near as crass as some of the messages submissives receive but this one I know is used by both d-types and s-types. Not only is there that amazing line designed to find out if someone is kink compatible, but they're also are sites out there where you can take a BDSM ‘quiz’ and in a hundred questions or less, the site will tell you what percentage dominant, submissive, switch, polyamorous, monogamous, sadist or masochist you are plus there are those old fashioned spreadsheets out there with just about every fetish known for a person to scroll through, pick if they are into, not into, curious about, how much they are into/not into, hard limits and I cannot forget a place for comments. All of this makes me just want to facepalm because sadly many people in the lifestyle seem to have forgotten that finding a partner, a relationship, and dare I say, love, is still about people coming together, connecting as individuals, and having an attachment develop. Now I am not saying that kinks, fetishes, and lifestyle roles are not all parts of the process of lifestyle dating and relationships but every person is so much deeper than just “what they are into” and with this in mind, I want to share why I am not a fan of lifestyle quiz results or checklists: I am not a sum of a list and there is so much more to me than words that name or describe activities that I enjoy. The list leads to a spreadsheet mentality when getting to know someone new. People can look at my results, see that we match on 7 of the 10 things, and then assume there is a match made in kinky heaven. Unfortunately, relationships are not that easy. People cannot be matched up based on data, no matter how hard eHarmony markets its ‘scientific’ approach trying to convince everyone otherwise. I believe the list causes people to want to talk about the kinky side of things too quickly. I have found that when two kinky people begin to get to know each other that when the time is right, the ‘kink’ will naturally make its way into the conversation. Adding the list can make it happen before it is naturally ready. Some people say they would never be with a partner who would not do kink/sex activity X. I could never dismiss a possible partner because I wanted X and they wanted Z. If it is the right fit, both will discover the joys of each other rather than focus on specific acts. Intimacy is an amazing part of a relationship but I find people who insist on having a certain kink is that this specific act is more important than a person. Which for me, is quite sad. My kinks are ever-evolving and quite simply, I do not want to have to keep a list that will be out of date tomorrow and have ten new things to add in three days. My mind is what drives me in the world of kink. This lifestyle is a very mental experience for me and the physical side of it is just icing on the cake. Because things are mental for me, I am not about matching up kinks but matching up minds. When I find that connection, things that I might think of as a “must” become irrelevant and something I had not considered jumps to a must-have. So often in the world of kink, it is very easy to get caught up in the fantasy or lust for specific activities however when we do that, we lose sight of the most important part of it all. People and those we choose to invite into a relationship are much more significant than a list of kinks. This is why I believe it is time we set aside lists, labels, preset ideals, and return to investing in and getting to know people for who they are inside rather than the fetishes they admit to on the outside. ©TLK2020 *Archive  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Very well stated, as usual. PS: Love your new profile photo.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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4/15/2022 3:04 am |
I am into that photo and visions along that line.
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ali It is a tremendous piece! So relevant for those of us who want the brain to be a part of the Life-Style I will admit , though, I am "into" her legs and stockings  A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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4/7/2022 8:12 pm |
Im into a good moon pie or twinkly....no, not really I hate those. Maybe you know how to cook a pizza.
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Analytics creeps into all parts of life. Algorithms and data can't compute personal feelings and perceptions between two people.
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the importance of the connection is undeniable
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Very well stated, as usual. PS: Love your new profile photo.
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4/7/2022 6:10 am |
If you believe that you are always one choice away from changing your life . . You don't need to hear their whole list of fetishes or all of their fantasies. The word "play" gives you all the perspective you need. A relationship is not a journey into BDSM or kinky sex. It's an evolution much deeper!
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4/7/2022 5:42 am |
Sexy pictures👍
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Great photo . . and a well written post x
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Great writing. Great picture too! The title made me itch & twitch, allready.... KNowing your writings, i knew it would be very interessing.
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sehr schickes Bild
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well said/written. the hardest thing i think is when you have a connection with someone but it didn't occur through some lifestyle site or activity and then trying to find a way to broach the subject of kink and fetishes.
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4/7/2022 2:16 am |
what im into, easy , love my lifestyle in BDSM and meet other in the same lifestyle , nomatter if its slave ,submissive woman,
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it very good
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Fantastic piece. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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