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Misconceptions With this lifestyle having so many different styles of relationships, types of people involved, and so many different viewpoints there are numerous ways people can grow and develop their partnerships. While there is never one true way, there are some things that I feel are sometimes misunderstood or myths pushed about the lifestyle. Some of these I believe come from well-intended places, others come from places of ignorance or lack of educating oneself on the lifestyle, and a few even come from places of hate and abuse. So, I want to share some of the misconceptions that are popping into my mind today. • D/S relationships still require compromise. People should be uncompromising when it comes to finding the right person or persons for their relationship but within the relationship, there still must be compromises. A lifestyle partnership is not all about what the d-type wants and the submissive acquiescing to every whim they have. One of the biggest facepalming moments for me came in a discussion a few years back I had with a dominant who lamented that they could not develop a lasting relationship. I remember asking them what they liked to do vanilla-wise \when they were dating someone and they are all things the dominant enjoyed, so I asked them to tell me something that they discovered they enjoyed because they did something the submissive wanted. The reply, “You mean I have to do things ‘they’ want?” Facepalm, yes you dolt. Compromise is still part of a lifestyle relationship and dominants you still have two things, vanilla and kink, that your partner enjoys and wants. The more a d-type gives to their submissive, the more the s-type will crave giving to their dominant. • Submissives have voices and in a relationship, they need to use them and dominants need to respect them. All d-types are human, which means they are going to make mistakes and bad decisions. Dominants must always listen to their submissives, especially when the submissive says I do not think this is a good idea. While a dominant leads, they need to have and respect their submissive’s thoughts, ideas, and opinions. • Since we do not live in a lifestyle utopia, the vanilla world will touch every aspect of a D/S relationship. No matter how masterly master Matt is within the lifestyle their relationship will still need to have vanilla components and function in the everyday world. I feel one of the hardest skills to learn in the lifestyle is how to balance D/S with the vanilla bean world that surrounds all of us. • Lifestyle relationships are still relationships which means people still have to click as people. There can be no simple checking off boxes on a BDSM checklist to decide of a prospective partner is a match. Even if people find that their lifestyle desires align perfectly, they can still come to discover they despise rather than adore each other. • This might ‘cum’ as a surprise but kinktastic sex does not have to be part of a lifestyle partnership. So often what is expressed about the relationships and the lifestyle is kinky or ‘rough’ sex acts. The thing is many people involved in the lifestyle are asexual and there are even people who are involved who are virgins and not just nineteen or twenty-year-olds. Several people are choosing to leave sex out of their relationship equation. Additionally, some still believe in the old fashion notion of making love in addition to or coupled with kinky coitus. • Submissives can end a relationship at any time they want and for any reason. Being committed to a dominant does not revoke a person’s right to say this relationship is not the right fit for me, it’s not you but for me, or just say goodbye. • Submissives have all the control and ‘power’ in a D/S relationship because they can leave anytime, they choose, and most importantly they can say no for any reason. When a submissive says no, that does not mean the d-type can just continue or ignore it because this lifestyle is all about consent and no is revoking that consent. • Many dominants will bust their butts to earn the submission from someone special and that is a great thing. The problem that I have seen over and over again is that once the submissive decides to give the gift of submission, the d-type plops down in their mental easy chair and stops with the hard work. Earning the submission from an s-type is no easy work but the real work is just beginning when a submissive agrees to follow a dominant's leadership because every day the d-type must labor to continue to earn their gift of submission. ©TLK2020 *Archive  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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The leash has two ends... what goes for dominants, goes for subbies, and vice versa... both are just human beings before anything else.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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The leash has two ends... what goes for dominants, goes for subbies, and vice versa... both are just human beings before anything else.
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All well stated truths,
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6/8/2022 5:20 am |
Expectations, realizations and truthfulness are very important.
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6/8/2022 4:13 am |
A relationship is a relationship. You can call it a "lifestyle" or whatever you like, but the basic ingredients are always the same honesty, trust, respect. The power to end it, is equal and the work to keep it strong is endless. But in the end, there is that fire, that just doesn't stop burning. Because after all, that is the real power that drives all relationships that run deep and last.
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thought provoking article
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i think you're so right. It's like the Dom doesn't think they need to work on it anymore. They got the prize and the "D-type" is free to do what pleases them at the subs expense. The sub should never give up total control.
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Lifestyle relationships are still relationships which means people still have to click as people Great point. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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