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In this day and age, is 24/7 truly possible? Are BDSM dynamics moments in time? I love this topic, as it has so many layers and angles! First, in this day and age, is 24/7 truly possible? I think before that can be answered one has to define what is meant by 24/7. Interestingly, in contemporary society, it seems to have different meanings for different people, which is possibly why there has been a movement towards using other phraseology instead. For many, there are but two types of dynamics - bedroom only, or 24/7. Bedroom only, of course, indicates a dynamic in which the dominance and submission is limited to kinky playtime, whereas 24/7 would, by process of elimination, include everything else. To the extent 24/7 is intended to refer to those face-to-face dynamics that occur outside the bedroom and encompass a live-in, M/s, or D/s full-service type of arrangement, I would argue that while they are possible, they are much less common than they might have been in generations past. A contemporary lifestyle, combined with the aberrant mutation of feminism into its current form has created an environment unwelcoming to this style dynamic. If, instead 24/7 is used to refer to a dynamic that extends beyond the bedroom, but consumes the waking hours of both participants, again, is it common or uncommon? Absent the extraordinarily rare occasion where parties might be of such means that they have no need to work, a portion, if not a significant portion, of one’s day, is consumed by career. Unless the participants work together (and/or in a kink environment), how do those hours calculate into the 24? For that matter, what of those relationships that have limited time together, and yet for whom they never drop protocol or rules, and the participants are always “on”? Are they considered 24/7? Or not, simply because they are not constantly together? Significant challenges, unanswerable questions, all a result of terminology, Master. (I’ll be back to that point later)! So momentarily forgetting the 24/7 question, let’s look at the next one… is a BDSM dynamic a moment in time? I had to catch myself… I kept trying to write “merely a moment in time”. In my opinion, a dynamic is no more a moment in time than our lives are merely a collection of moments in time. Now there are multiple ways you might have meant your question - two in particular that jump out to me: (1) an entire dynamic is to be seen as a single moment in time, or (2) a dynamic is a collection of moments of time… a sum of the parts. I tend toward the latter interpretation. But I presume that is, to a degree, a reflection of the way I approach this life. I’m well aware that there are many out there (we encountered many in the task group) who made it a habit of experiencing a plethora of different Doms or subs, in which case, I expect a dynamic would be a single moment in time for those people. But for me, and for most of the people I’ve met since, the bond formed through a dynamic, the intensity of the connection, and the longevity (intended, if not achieved) would clearly point to the latter definition. And so is a dynamic (merely) a moment in time (a single or collection of individual moments)? Or alternatively, is it more… the sum of those parts? Something bigger, more significant? I would argue it is more than merely a collection of individuals, disconnected moments - the evolution of the dynamic and the participants being the evidence of that fact. Was it merely a compilation of disjointed moments in time, lacking in significance, dynamics would not result in consistent or continued growth, instead growth would be dependent on each individual’s growth history and tendencies outside a dynamic? So, alternatively, is 24/7 a state of mind? This is where it gets fun! Several months ago, @asubmissiveview and @instructor144 both from @the-faculty, had an interesting conversation that resulted in a grassroots movement on Tumblr to abandon the “24/7” locution, instead replacing it with something more encompassing of the variety of styles of non-bedroom dynamic. I would argue first, that “24/7” is more a state of mind than a state of the clock or calendar. Even for someone living out their dynamic, face-to-face, even someone like a greyhound (she’s the most extreme I can think of), is it truly 24/7 by the clock? Is every minute, every second, every day truly dedicated by both greyhound and her owner wholly to the dynamic? In that singular case, the answer is probably the closest to “yes” that one can get, while in most cases, I would argue that people are busy - sleeping, working, with family. Don’t misunderstand me, that’s not to say that those who are not living that style aren’t “24/7” - but rather that the assessment shouldn’t necessarily be based on time. Nor, I would argue, should it be a function of location. No. 24/7 is clearly a function of something more, a state of being. When the participants in a dynamic are engaged, upholding their rules and protocol, maintaining the underpinnings of the power exchange even amidst the chaos that normal vanilla life can create, their mindset can be likened to someone living 24/7 by the clock. And in that vein, if it’s a function of mindset or state of being, then the location would have no bearing on whether someone is “24/7”. This brings me back to linguistics. In @instructor144’s post, he proposes a shift from “24/7” to “full spectrum”, citing two specific advantages to specifying one’s D/s dynamic in this manner: “1. It makes explicit that the relationship encompasses the full spectrum of the things we mean when we speak of “D/s”: the ongoing daily contact, the rules and responsibilities, the tasks, protocols, mantras, the ongoing power exchange, and the ongoing commitment by both partners to support the other in becoming the best “them” they can be. It shifts the focus away from the kinky fuckery and onto all those other aspects of D/s. “2. But – and this is every bit as important as #1 – it does not allude to any particular “shape” to the relationship, the way many of the implications of “24/7″ do. Does it account for 24/7 IRL domestic relationships? Yes. But it also accounts for LDRs and mixed-mode LDR/IRL relationships. It accounts for relationships that are understood by both partners to be time-bound. The only commonality – and the defining characteristic that distinguishes it from “bedroom D/s” – is that it incorporates all of those non-sexual aspects of D/s that are absent from bedroom D/s relationships. The relationship is …. wait for it …. full spectrum.” Given the complexities of various dynamics, the vast differences in interpretation, and the failure of “24/7” to truly address and define many dynamics in a way that is commonly understood, I am in favor of making the shift to “full spectrum” as a more favorable classification. So, now to circle back to your questions again, Master. They are so intertwined! If a dynamic is a mindset, as I propose, not merely a moment in time, then without question, “24/7” is not only possible in this day and age, we are living it! © reflectedtruthsblog 2019  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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A complex issue. M/F relationships are difficult enough without adding these other elements. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I don't care if 24/7 is possible in theory or reality or if the definition can be contorted to make it possible. I only care if it is possible for me, and the answer is no. I find I have to compartmentalize my life to keep my alleged sanity.  Still, it was a good post M, and made me think about it, if only for a few minutes. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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As at least one other mentioned, well written and thought provoking. One thought I've had recently is that feminism and respect for women should include respecting a woman's right to have the kind of relationship (including none) that she wants. That applies whether she wants to be an equal partner, only one partner works, both work, one is dominant and the other submissive, etc. Respect needs to include respecting each other's wishes and desires, not presuming equal partners. Whether anyone (woman, man, or non-binary) can find a partner that matches what they want is, of course, another matter. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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There are so many factors to consider. Each relationship is unique. They always have been and they always will be. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Interesting. I feel I am living 24/7 with my new slave even though we SEE each other once, occasionally twice a week at this point due to her job hours, so it isn't live-in, only sleep-overs. But I control her actions the rest of the time through texts and the protocols she has agreed to. I know where she is and what she is doing all day, every day, and she does her job and class work knowing she has to report back to me about both. I would have no problem calling that "full spectrum" Nor would I have a problem calling it the same if I find another slave to add to the dynamic that lives with me 24/7, even if she works full or part-time. I think 24/7 is more a mind set. It doesn't stop at the bedroom door, and it doesn't have a time limit for "dating" or "hook-ups". If I wasn't controlling the life of my current slave, even when we are not together, then I wouldn't consider it 24/7. But the protocols she follows (Inform me when she leaves the house, leaves work and gets home, goes to bed, etc) keep the relationship active 24/7, or "full spectrum". So yes, 24/7 can certainly be done in this day and age, IF both partners commit to it fully And yes, "full spectrum" is a very good alternative description. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Relationships take on so many different forms and shapes.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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As you state, 24/7 is defined individually, as most things are. Is being consumed every second realistic? Do you get to sleep? When I am involved in a lifestyle relationship, there are times of reflection and discussion as in all relationships. The dynamics (changes) flow better with communication from both sides, even though the decision maker decides the path. The submissive can follow or leave according to agreement or opposition to the dynamics. Are people who experience the "lifestyle" through only online excluded from a 24/7 experience? The executive, dominant at work, but submissive to a partner elsewhere? IMHO we try too hard to label all aspects of our "being". Nothing wrong with rigidity or flexibility. Healthy mindset is my major key. If you are thriving, continue, if not, keep your head up. Living it is the answer. Lady Lee (i may have drifted off topic) "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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For myself, 24/7 is n a live in arrangement. Is overt dominance and submission a part of the day to day living. No, but the undercurrent is always there. Overt elements are in place at events held for like mined people. It can pop up in an instant in the home. and elsewhere. Protocols and code often are in place during those times in public. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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very interesting post. strong case that dynamic is a mind set and not simply a moment. I'm gonna have to re-read this a few times before i formulate an opinion. I love your thought provoking posts. thank you so much! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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A complex issue. M/F relationships are difficult enough without adding these other elements.
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I don't care if 24/7 is possible in theory or reality or if the definition can be contorted to make it possible. I only care if it is possible for me, and the answer is no. I find I have to compartmentalize my life to keep my alleged sanity. Still, it was a good post M, and made me think about it, if only for a few minutes.
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As at least one other mentioned, well written and thought provoking. One thought I've had recently is that feminism and respect for women should include respecting a woman's right to have the kind of relationship (including none) that she wants. That applies whether she wants to be an equal partner, only one partner works, both work, one is dominant and the other submissive, etc. Respect needs to include respecting each other's wishes and desires, not presuming equal partners. Whether anyone (woman, man, or non-binary) can find a partner that matches what they want is, of course, another matter.
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7/28/2022 8:01 am |
There are so many factors to consider. Each relationship is unique. They always have been and they always will be.
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Interesting. I feel I am living 24/7 with my new slave even though we SEE each other once, occasionally twice a week at this point due to her job hours, so it isn't live-in, only sleep-overs. But I control her actions the rest of the time through texts and the protocols she has agreed to. I know where she is and what she is doing all day, every day, and she does her job and class work knowing she has to report back to me about both. I would have no problem calling that "full spectrum" Nor would I have a problem calling it the same if I find another slave to add to the dynamic that lives with me 24/7, even if she works full or part-time. I think 24/7 is more a mind set. It doesn't stop at the bedroom door, and it doesn't have a time limit for "dating" or "hook-ups". If I wasn't controlling the life of my current slave, even when we are not together, then I wouldn't consider it 24/7. But the protocols she follows (Inform me when she leaves the house, leaves work and gets home, goes to bed, etc) keep the relationship active 24/7, or "full spectrum". So yes, 24/7 can certainly be done in this day and age, IF both partners commit to it fully And yes, "full spectrum" is a very good alternative description.
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Relationships take on so many different forms and shapes.
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As you state, 24/7 is defined individually, as most things are. Is being consumed every second realistic? Do you get to sleep? When I am involved in a lifestyle relationship, there are times of reflection and discussion as in all relationships. The dynamics (changes) flow better with communication from both sides, even though the decision maker decides the path. The submissive can follow or leave according to agreement or opposition to the dynamics. Are people who experience the "lifestyle" through only online excluded from a 24/7 experience? The executive, dominant at work, but submissive to a partner elsewhere? IMHO we try too hard to label all aspects of our "being". Nothing wrong with rigidity or flexibility. Healthy mindset is my major key. If you are thriving, continue, if not, keep your head up. Living it is the answer. Lady Lee (i may have drifted off topic)
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For myself, 24/7 is n a live in arrangement. Is overt dominance and submission a part of the day to day living. No, but the undercurrent is always there. Overt elements are in place at events held for like mined people. It can pop up in an instant in the home. and elsewhere. Protocols and code often are in place during those times in public. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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very interesting post. strong case that dynamic is a mind set and not simply a moment. I'm gonna have to re-read this a few times before i formulate an opinion. I love your thought provoking posts. thank you so much!
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 "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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