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Questions To Consider When You Are Considering The concept of training is on my mind thought however it is not training in the business world nor the faux dominants who lurk on the internet trying to prey up on new submissives to be their personal BDSM trainer but it is occurring to me that many submissives fail to ask some very important questions of dominant they are interested in. So here are ten questions I feel submissives should ask potential Doms. When it comes to implements of ‘fun’ (crops, floggers, whips, plugs, and I could go on and on), ask how the d-type was taught about safely using them. With those same arousing bits of equipment, ask the dominant if they have had them used ON them. Quick news flash, even if the d-type was not a fan of how it ‘felt’ they should have experienced them so they can understand how they will feel for you their submissive. Inquire about how the dominant continue their education in the lifestyle. Find out where the d-type would go if they had a question/concern. Do they have mentors/friends or would they fire off an anon ask to a blog? Inquire about mistakes they have made as a dominant. When discussing errors with a d-type, listen to determine if they share life lessons they have learned from their failures. Be wary of anyone who claims to be mistake-free or struggles to know/share the lessons of their missteps. How much time are you able to give to building a relationship? It is important to ask this upfront as many people expect more and more time as things grow and develop. Make sure there is an understanding of how much time can be invested and where/when life will infringe upon this time. If they are a new(er) d-type find out what things intrigue them and those they would like to explore. Remember that exploration is no guarantee these things will become likes, wants, or needs but it will give an idea of the interests lurking in the dominant’s mind. You can even ask this of an ‘old dog’ to find out what ‘new tricks’ they are interested in. In a long-term relationship, how will you use the lifestyle (and vanilla items) to keep the partnership from becoming stagnant and/or routine? If at any point you have ‘assumed’ anything about a dominant, make it a point to ask about it, no matter how trivial it may seem. Remember every assumption, even the small ones, can quickly make an ass out of you (or them). When it comes to asking questions and getting to know a prospective partner, please always ask the same questions in different ways on different days. I know it may sound rude like you are intentionally trying to trip up the d-type, but what you are doing is reassuring yourself that the answers are consistent. This consistency will help both of you build trust in each other and this is important in any relationship but especially so in a lifestyle partnership. Finally, never feel that as a submissive, you cannot ask something because of the role you are identified with. If you, as an s-type, have something on your mind, always feel comfortable expressing it. I believe that any supposed d-type who would say “a submissive should never ask this” is simply looking to avoid a line of questioning that would lead to unflattering revelations coming out about that person. So, if you think about it, ask it! Remember the only bad question is the one you are afraid to ask. ©TLK2022  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Spot on. If in sharing this you get through to even one person you might change a life. As I’ve long said, there’s no wrong question that’s asked in respect, and looking for 100% consistency is appropriate- where truth and clarity prevail consistency arises naturally. On occasion if something seems confusing, see “no wrong question” above. If the answers don’t make sense or defensiveness surfaces, then run- don’t walk- for the door. What does it say for a d-type to be threatened by a question? Knowing first-hand how your toys behave and feel is so important. Longer single-tails are the only implements I own that I’ve never used on myself (except for nearly taking a notch out of my ear when I was getting started!), but I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to train in their application with some of the best and most experienced teachers in the lifestyle and gain invaluable feedback from very experienced bottoms to boot. We’re very lucky to have a great community down this way that’s given to education and open communication. It’s a big part of staying safe while expanding your skills. … been away for more than a couple of years now and so looking forward to getting back to regular seminars and get-togethers.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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This is sound advice, though I would agree with bmw318is61 that the first-hand experience is neither mandatory nor sufficient to guarantee the proper use of said tools or toys. I have no experience whatsoever with whips floggers or suchlike, but would probably err on the lighter side with them. Also, as someone who has had some vanilla relationships, most of those questions can be helpful there, too, to have a clear start and knowledge about the desires of the partner before you commit yourself. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. __Yogi Berra
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Aliljaded, The written text is valuable advice, especially for subs indeed. I am not necessary on the same page, when it comes to the Dom, where you suggest that in order to be a good Dom and to inspire confidence to the sub, the Dom should have experienced beatings, whipping, slapping, pinching.....etc...himself. I know what you mean, and that could be helpfull, but it is not automatically a guanrantee that this Dom will be better or less agessive with inflicting pain on the new sub. This simply depends on the sub if she likes pain, severe pain or not at all! The Dom has to use common sense + starts at the bottom. Of course, I have hit myself with a belt, a whip on my arm to get an idea....and I will never rush myself with a sub....I got even the critic during feedback, after a session that I was too careful, too cautious.....which is not good either. It is not easy at all for a starter Dom, to find that balance with a new sub. But even the expert Doms had to start from scratch 1 day. P.S.: beautiful picture with a pretty woman and a really great outfit that I haven't seen yet ever, this design + color. Greetz, Julius
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Spot on. If in sharing this you get through to even one person you might change a life. As I’ve long said, there’s no wrong question that’s asked in respect, and looking for 100% consistency is appropriate- where truth and clarity prevail consistency arises naturally. On occasion if something seems confusing, see “no wrong question” above. If the answers don’t make sense or defensiveness surfaces, then run- don’t walk- for the door. What does it say for a d-type to be threatened by a question? Knowing first-hand how your toys behave and feel is so important. Longer single-tails are the only implements I own that I’ve never used on myself (except for nearly taking a notch out of my ear when I was getting started!), but I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to train in their application with some of the best and most experienced teachers in the lifestyle and gain invaluable feedback from very experienced bottoms to boot. We’re very lucky to have a great community down this way that’s given to education and open communication. It’s a big part of staying safe while expanding your skills. … been away for more than a couple of years now and so looking forward to getting back to regular seminars and get-togethers.
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spoken like a true experienced sub...brats won’t respect or serve a weak DOM they’re always testing them! 
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9/28/2022 5:10 am |
I sometimes ask to use the implement on the dom before allowing it's use on me, I suspect that when agreed to the initial treatment I get is a bit more sever that normal.
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spoken like a true experienced sub...brats won’t respect or serve a weak DOM they’re always testing them!
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I found this awesome piece this morning and wanted to share it. As with everything I post, take what you need, and leave the rest. Note: Unsure "to train" is the proper word. Maybe "to condition" will be better in some cases, since it isn't always a matter of performing but of accepting. That said, great picture
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I found this awesome piece this morning and wanted to share it. As with everything I post, take what you need, and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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