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Consent Is Not A Defense. A Few Serious Thoughts The Darwin Awards are something that is always good for a laugh and if you do not know what these ‘awards’ are for, well simply they are given to individuals who acted so stupidly that it resulted in their death. The award-winning incidents may be real or the fiction of human minds but the stories at least are always worth a laugh. Here in the lifestyle, there are activities, play, and actions that can be highly erotic, sensual, and orgasmic but if the people involved do not know what they are doing, it can result in serious, permanent harm and death. This might be a bit of a Debbie Downer topic but we need to talk about what happens if something goes wrong. Yes, Master Chokezilla, it was an accident and you never meant to hurt, Natalie Newbie. So let’s speculate for a minute, that Chokezilla just injured Ms. Newbie during play but being the responsible person he is, he called emergency services or took her to a hospital/clinic for care. Very commendable but he has opened up a huge new can of worms. First, even though it was consensual, it looks like domestic violence and to Dr. Valerie Vanilla, ER doctor extraordinaire, it is abuse. In most places, Dr. Vanilla will be required to call law enforcement and in more and more places, it is no longer up to Natalie if Chokezilla will be charged with a crime but law enforcement. When that is coupled with the ‘evidence’ Dr. Vanilla collected treating Ms. Newbie, there is a good chance ‘Zilla’ will be guilty of assault/domestic violence or if he is lucky just have legal bills from here to eternity. More than likely he gets a taxpayer-paid vacation prison, followed by no chance of having a career. Even places that require asking “would you like fries with that” stay away from those charged/convicted of domestic violence. Maybe if Zilla is an NFL player, he will just get a couple of weeks' vacation and be back to ‘work’ but that discussion is for another day. If things went very wrong, and Ms. Newbie tragically passes, consensual or not Master Chokezilla is going to go to prison, period end of the story. With that said, how many reading this know what R.A.C.K. or S.S.C stand for? There will be some of you who do but for those that do not, this is the shorthand for two of the most well-known theories or viewpoints on how participants in the lifestyle treat the risks they are taking. Now, this is not about which one is correct, incorrect, or better, please no debating this here. Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Safe, Sane, and Consensual are what both of these abbreviations mean. No matter which you practice, it is paramount that the risks are understood by everyone involved. No matter how safe you are in your kinky engagements, mistakes happen, things go wrong, and you HAVE to know what you are doing. For example, a few weeks there was a conversation with a new dominant who was reaching out for advice. This gentleman and his partner were both new to the lifestyle and relied on FetLife, Reddit, and blogs for how-to advice. There is some amazing, spot-on teaching happening in all those places but there is a ton of malarkey, too. He brought up the play that he enjoys with his partner and the first thing he expressed was that he loved spanking her body from head to toe, sometimes “hitting hard”. Then without pausing, he rolls into how they are looking forward to their first experience with doing ATM play, ass to mouth, not spending all their money. When he finished, the newer d-type was asked if he knew the places on the body that you should not spank or impact. To which the reply was, “I hit her all over and it never seems to hurt her other than some bruises”. Facepalm moment, which was followed by this question, with both of you on board with ATM play, do you both understand and accept the health risks of this activity? This dominant’s reply, “Can you tell me the risks, please?” Facepalm again. Not only are there risks to life and limb from lifestyle activities but legal risks that people need to be aware of and understand and not just like those in the above fictional misadventure of Chokezilla and Newbie. A quick read at The Marshall Project, which is a nonpartisan, not-for-profit organization that works to highlight issues in U.S. criminal justice system, shows some of the things many are unaware of when engaging in play. Such as: Any object used for the titillation of naughty bits is illegal to make/sell in Alabama, sorry no dildos for y’all, and should you just not be able to control yourself, plan on shelling out twenty grand and enjoying up to a year of accommodations provided in a facility to be determined by the state. How about some good old-fashioned anal sex. Not if you live in these states because sodomy is illegal in Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. In Louisiana, it is called a “crime against nature”. Yes, there was a court case that threw out laws that forbade it between same-sex partners, so things were changed that just made it illegal for everyone. What do you say we just do a little bondage? If you live in New York state, having handcuffs is against the law unless you are employed as law enforcement, a PI, or rent-a-cop. Maybe time to start the Paul Blart Mall Cop Bondage Insititute. If you are not one of those you get a hefty fine and as a bonus, jail time. Now if you live in the penis-shaped state, home of the Magic Kinkdom, you can have those handcuffs, cuff, and stuff, just not in the butt, your partner/playmate however you cannot possess a key to the cuffs. Those are illegal. So just leave your partner/playmate cuffed when you are done? In the legal world, “Consent is not a defense,” according to Susan Wright of the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom and it is important to remember this when you choose to accept the legal risks that go along with the play you wish to engage in. Not only must a person understand the physical risks but the legal risks that play may bring. Many people approach the lifestyle because they love the fun and games, the role plays, and even the bounds of trust created by power exchange but they do not educate themselves on how to safely engage in their kinks. If you are dominant or submissive, you must know the risks, both legal and physical of the play you engage in. It sounds simple but if you are into breath play, do you know how to do rescue breaths/CPR? Did you make sure that your partner knew how to safely choke and save you should something go wrong or did you just blindly trust as they closed off your access to air? No matter your role, you must educate yourself on how to safely engage in your kinks as well as learn/accept the risks of those acts. It is not anyone else’s responsibility but your own. No blaming a blog post, online video, or alternative facts if things go haywire. This lifestyle is a serious business, so make it your business to know what you are doing, understand, and accept the risks before you move forward. The life you save truly may be your own. If you were chatting with someone about the risks of D/S, what things would you stress? ©TLK2023  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Once it was clear we had chemistry, before the first very extended date with my last sub was over (in a healthy relationship that would go on for quite a few years) I had taken a better clinical history than I’m sure her primary care provider ever had. We were both experienced in the lifestyle at that point, and I think she understood exactly why I was asking each question, so what would have seemed strange and sterile to someone else she understood came from a place of caring, responsibility and planning to keep her safe. I didn’t know at the time that her previous partner, as ignorant of how to engage in fire play safely as undesirable in other ways, had sent her to the ER once with a serious burn that left a permanent scar. The top who lacks the humility to more deeply explore and then properly address his or her own ignorance and lack of skill than anyone else is ever likely to has absolutely no business engaging with a partner. The risks are just too damned great to soft pedal it. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Thanks for this great, funny and deadly serious piece! That is why i always want to know, when the conversation is getting into the more personal stuff, what they know about the safety of All bdsm actions... Untill now, all persons i had those conversations with, lacked basic body structure knowledge, or safety knowledge, kidneys, spleen? liver, BACKBONE!? dangerous, ignorant people! BDSM is not for the faint of heart❤❤🙏 I like the Darwin award!! 🤣😂 "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I am a huge fan of the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom. Too many people here don't realize that BDSM is a very serious contact activity. Watching the Damar Hamlin incident you have to realize that really bad things can happen from a small amount of contact. Fatal outcomes while participating in BDSM activities do occur. Strangulation in the course of erotic asphyxiation was the most common cause of death (88.2  . Drugs or alcohol was involved in 64.3% of fatal BDSM play. The level of experience in BDMS activity of the deceased and the partner was described, and in all of them, the deceased and the partner were not new to BDSM play. The most significant of this information is to realize that serious injury or death from BDSM is all preventable. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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wow - that was very informative. There are so many laws now days almost every day we could break one unknowingly. You bring up so many good points. I can't imagine anyone thinking a blow to the kidneys is a good idea among some other places. On the humor side, it's a little easier to smile at the Darwin awards if you think of it as people whose actions remove them from the gene pool. Semantics I'm sure, but they don't have to perish to be eligible. Your posts are always well written and informative. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Excellent post. Brilliantly structured and well written. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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You're quite welcome. I'm glad you found something that resonated with you. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Once it was clear we had chemistry, before the first very extended date with my last sub was over (in a healthy relationship that would go on for quite a few years) I had taken a better clinical history than I’m sure her primary care provider ever had. We were both experienced in the lifestyle at that point, and I think she understood exactly why I was asking each question, so what would have seemed strange and sterile to someone else she understood came from a place of caring, responsibility and planning to keep her safe. I didn’t know at the time that her previous partner, as ignorant of how to engage in fire play safely as undesirable in other ways, had sent her to the ER once with a serious burn that left a permanent scar. The top who lacks the humility to more deeply explore and then properly address his or her own ignorance and lack of skill than anyone else is ever likely to has absolutely no business engaging with a partner. The risks are just too damned great to soft pedal it.
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Thanks for this great, funny and deadly serious piece! That is why i always want to know, when the conversation is getting into the more personal stuff, what they know about the safety of All bdsm actions... Untill now, all persons i had those conversations with, lacked basic body structure knowledge, or safety knowledge, kidneys, spleen? liver, BACKBONE!? dangerous, ignorant people! BDSM is not for the faint of heart❤❤🙏 I like the Darwin award!! 🤣😂
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I am a huge fan of the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom. Too many people here don't realize that BDSM is a very serious contact activity. Watching the Damar Hamlin incident you have to realize that really bad things can happen from a small amount of contact. Fatal outcomes while participating in BDSM activities do occur. Strangulation in the course of erotic asphyxiation was the most common cause of death (88.2 . Drugs or alcohol was involved in 64.3% of fatal BDSM play. The level of experience in BDMS activity of the deceased and the partner was described, and in all of them, the deceased and the partner were not new to BDSM play. The most significant of this information is to realize that serious injury or death from BDSM is all preventable.
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And being real...this is why ill never engage in psedo r word play...had alot of women that just wanted me Me? No less To just fuck them while they slept or wanted me to " take" them.. And as a dude..I said...oh hellllllll no
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wow - that was very informative. There are so many laws now days almost every day we could break one unknowingly. You bring up so many good points. I can't imagine anyone thinking a blow to the kidneys is a good idea among some other places. On the humor side, it's a little easier to smile at the Darwin awards if you think of it as people whose actions remove them from the gene pool. Semantics I'm sure, but they don't have to perish to be eligible. Your posts are always well written and informative.
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Excellent post. Brilliantly structured and well written.
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Excellent piece. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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