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When Did Loud, Obnoxious, And Cocky Become Signs Of Dominance? There is a story told about Theodore Roosevelt when he was president. Some of you may not know that TR was a hunter and he had heard that a famous big game hunter was in Washington DC so he sent a note saying that he would like to meet him. So the hunter arrives at the White House and is ushered into a meeting with the President. An hour and a half later, the hunter emerges from TR’s office, appearing to be in a state of disorder, and one of the president’s aides approached the man to ask what he might have said to have angered his boss. The hunter looked at the aide and said, “I just told him my name”. One of TR’s traits, for better or worse, is that he could talk, loved to do it, and once he started on a roll he was going to go until he finished. It was not that the hunter had done or said anything that had caused anger or upset, he was just on the receiving end of Theodore Roosevelt being himself. Now this story is completely unrelated to the wizarding world of D/S but it does relate to the way that some who identify as dominants cannot seemingly close their mouths and listen. They always must control the conversation and they talk for no other apparent reason other than to hear themselves talk and we cannot forget their favorite subject to talk about, them. What is even worse, some newer submissives expect D-types to loud, obnoxious, and cocky. So here are six reasons dominants need to sit down, shut up, listen, and retain what they have heard and why submissives should steer clear of those who refuse to listen. Even though the d-type leads the relationship, it is still a partnership however if your partner is not fulfilled they are not going to be a partner for long. The only way a dominant can make sure their submissive is happy is by listening. You learn more from listening than you ever do from talking. Part of being a submissive’s leader is understanding them and their needs, desires, and dreams intimately which cannot happen if a person does not ask and then listen carefully when the s-type answers. Here is what is sure to be a shocker for the online dumbinants, a D/S relationship is not about you, and ready for that big shocker? The submissive has 100% of the power in the relationship 100% of the time because with a little two-letter word they can stop anything and everything. Just in case someone reading this has not figured out the word yet, it is no. Speaking of no and revoking consent, according to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom one in five people have their consent violated within their first five years involved in the lifestyle. Submissives, if a d-type will not listen to you over dinner, what makes you think they will listen during play when you say your safeword? In the lifestyle, there are so many myths as to what a dominant needs to be or should be that over the years many newer d-types, especially men, who rather than be themselves and show their insecurities, which all of us have, try to fake it until they make it. This faking often shows itself by the d-type acting as though they must ride roughshod and talk, talk, talk rather than have an actual conversation with active listening. The final point is sharing some of the traits of your friendly, neighborhood narcissist. While it is true that our not-so-loveable or neighborly narcissists will indeed crave to talk about themselves and their greatness, do not interrupt them, but not all big talkers are nincompoop narcissists. So in addition to the love of talking about the most amazing person in their life, themselves, narcissists will display a lack of or total void of empathy. Their life is based on the one true way of doing everything, which is their way. Do not worry, they will correct the error of your ways in just a moment. They are the embodiment of the difference between being in control and controlling plus they are perfect because their mistakes are the fault of others. Do not fret because it will not be long before you are the reason they made a boo-boo. They cannot understand a relationship as a partnership because they are unable to accept a partner, only those who wish to do exactly as they demand when they demand it. There is not a darn thing wrong if you are a person who tends to talk a lot, talk often, or even if you are a loud talker. A quick, cautionary note, be careful where/when you talk about BDSM if you want your involvement to not be widely known because a voice that carries can transport discreet news to ears connected to tongues that gossip. Everyone has unique communication traits and skills but within D/S some dominants need to take a zip-it-and-listen pill. Shiny thing moment, we have pills that can give a guy a rock-hard baloney pony but not one for curing failure to listen? D-types need to hear and listen to others, especially their s-types. Finally, submissives when you encounter “Sir Talks-A-Lot”, please take note of the subtle clues to determine if you are being chatted up by someone who just loves to talk or if your ship is sailing perilously close to narcissistic nastiness. What methods do suggest that may help someone become a better listener? ©TLK2023  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Great post. It is a joy to read.
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Very good post. Foghorn Leghorn is a busy boy here.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think this post is extremely insightful. I tend to find myself running with things, or in control, without necessarily meaning to be. I am also quite glib in the company of others, despite my introverted nature. Being controlling has been a concern of mine over time, as I do not like the idea of it. I have lived a life full of controlling people, and I have never wanted to be like that myself. I found that developing active listening skills helped me to be in control, without being controlling. I have leaned on psychologists, through therapy, to refine empathy, active listening, and learning to listen to my emotions. This has allowed me to actively engage others in a way that aligns with my internal values, while also taking into account their professed feelings and thoughts. Aligning with both sets of values, theirs and mine, helps us get the most out of our partnership. We have a finite amount of time in this world, and making the most of it is important. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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“walk softly & carry a big stick” TR both D/s need to know all bout the others needs limits expectations once mutual agreement is made & sub submits their power is basically gone provided the D never crosses hard limits or breaks trust! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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The Abilene Paradox. The Abilene paradox describes a group dynamic where the collective agrees on a path of action that none of the individual members want to do. I'm not going to describe how each of us take more risks than we should or stifle our safe word when we shouldn't. But I offer for thought, how much more adventurous most of us are individually than we are as a group. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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super post!  ."Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I always like to listen to learn more about the other person! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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true power is subtle - it doesn't need brashness "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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If what one is saying is important and one wants the other to actually hear one, try starting with eye contact "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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"Speak softly and carry a big stick".or something akin to that is also attributed to Teddy. I head someone say at a BDSM event, "listening is more powerful than blabbering" "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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If a person genuinely cares for another, there will be listening with attention. The most talkative one will be silenced before someone they genuinely want to know and learn about. Hence, there is no method to teach someone to become a better listener. It is about does they care or not. Yes, someone can pretend to be a good listener for the purpose of their own agenda, but that doesn't last long before they reveal their true intentions. I'm sure you have to, Ex. I agree with your statement 100% Thank you for sharing. xx "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Very good post. Foghorn Leghorn is a busy boy here.
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1 post 6/4/2023 7:13 am |
I think this post is extremely insightful. I tend to find myself running with things, or in control, without necessarily meaning to be. I am also quite glib in the company of others, despite my introverted nature. Being controlling has been a concern of mine over time, as I do not like the idea of it. I have lived a life full of controlling people, and I have never wanted to be like that myself. I found that developing active listening skills helped me to be in control, without being controlling. I have leaned on psychologists, through therapy, to refine empathy, active listening, and learning to listen to my emotions. This has allowed me to actively engage others in a way that aligns with my internal values, while also taking into account their professed feelings and thoughts. Aligning with both sets of values, theirs and mine, helps us get the most out of our partnership. We have a finite amount of time in this world, and making the most of it is important.
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“walk softly & carry a big stick” TR both D/s need to know all bout the others needs limits expectations once mutual agreement is made & sub submits their power is basically gone provided the D never crosses hard limits or breaks trust!
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The Abilene Paradox. The Abilene paradox describes a group dynamic where the collective agrees on a path of action that none of the individual members want to do. I'm not going to describe how each of us take more risks than we should or stifle our safe word when we shouldn't. But I offer for thought, how much more adventurous most of us are individually than we are as a group.
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super post!
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I always like to listen to learn more about the other person!
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true power is subtle - it doesn't need brashness
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If what one is saying is important and one wants the other to actually hear one, try starting with eye contact
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"Speak softly and carry a big stick".or something akin to that is also attributed to Teddy. I head someone say at a BDSM event, "listening is more powerful than blabbering" "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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If a person genuinely cares for another, there will be listening with attention. The most talkative one will be silenced before someone they genuinely want to know and learn about. Hence, there is no method to teach someone to become a better listener. It is about does they care or not. Yes, someone can pretend to be a good listener for the purpose of their own agenda, but that doesn't last long before they reveal their true intentions.
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6/4/2023 3:02 am |
It is always easy to criticize. Everyone is a critic. Now, switch roles and see how well you do. I also always like to see the word choice of a person. I look for judgement words that are subjective and unmeasurable. You got two in the title. Thanks to the internet, everyone is now an expert on everything.
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This is a great piece. Chock full of information. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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