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New Is Not An Excuse When a D/S partnership is going great, it is like the dominant is a superhero for their submissive and the submissive is a superhero to their D-type. While this is amazing, there is another superpower that is not a good thing and it afflicts the lifestyle community. It does not matter if it is in-person, on Tumblr, FetLife, or any other site in the kink neck of the woods and this superpower is predators sniffing out new submissives. Those who look to prey upon the new to the lifestyle submissive look for someone who is overeager, giving off that new submissive smell coupled with a lack of desire to be cautious and learn carefully. While there is nothing wrong with being new, eager, anxious to explore, and submissive but before someone leaps into the deep end of the D/S dating pool, it is imperative that they can swim effortlessly. Remember this ‘community’ pool does not come with lifeguards, life-jackets, and predators ARE lurking, waiting for someone new to jump off the high dive. Invest in learning all about the lifestyle. What you do not know CAN hurt you. When you write a profile, about me a blurb, or any other little ditty where you share about yourself to the kinkerrific world, please leave the words I am new, inexperienced, or any other words that inform others that you are a newbie to the lifestyle. You can share that with those you choose to connect with but saying those words in such a public way is like jumping into a shark tank filled with chum where those majestic beasts have not been fed in a week. The predatory sharks will be lining up to try to take a bite out of you. It can appear to be very easy to find dominant ‘friends’ as they will seek you out but find, and befriend fellow submissives so you have a safe place to get quality feedback, information, and conversation. Many dominants are indeed good humans who truly only wish to be helpful, however, some will attempt to use ‘friendship’ to manipulate/prey upon the newly minted submissive. Learn about the lifestyle, learn about yourself, and learn how it all fits together for you in your life. Even if someone is new, they must have thoughts and ideas of how the lifestyle will fit them. If they are unsure of how any of the puzzle pieces of dating, the lifestyle, and life fit together, they are not ready for the kinky dating pool. I do not mean someone has to have all the answers or the puzzle finished but they have to a solid start on this life-sized, piece-by-piece adventure. Stop being in a rush. There is no hurry to date, find a dominant, and start planning the happily ever after. All good things come in time but you have to invest your time growing personally in the lifestyle and developing your own knowledge base. Even though it is a ‘lifestyle relationship’, people must remember it is still a relationship. Just because Daddy Don Juan and Natalie Newbie have the same kinks, they still must have all of the normal, vanilla pieces of the relationship puzzle to fit together. Partnerships are unions between people and are not created by a simple matching of fetishes. Remember the saying that were taught about a ‘stranger danger’? Well in the lifestyle rather than a creepy person with candy and a van, we have a trainer danger. Submissives do NOT need a dominant to teach them how to be submissive. It is imperative to learn the ‘ropes’ through education and building solid friendships. Investing in your personal lifestyle growth will teach you much more than the ‘lifestyle trainer’ (even if he has candy, whips, chains, and a van). Do not fear the in-person community. Sometimes people live in places where there is a lifestyle desert but most people live within an area where there are lifestyle get-togethers. Go out, attend a munch (a purely vanilla event held in public spaces, restaurants/coffee shops), and make real-world connections with others involved in the lifestyle. A person’s submission is their gift to give and no one can take, demand, or claim it, although predators will try. Submission MUST be freely given and because of this submissives have the ultimate power in a lifestyle partnership because they can say no/revoke their submission at any time. This lifestyle requires CONSENT, please do not forget this. It Can Happen To You! It is great to be trusting but always, ALWAYS verify and remember your safety is your responsibility. Bad things do happen to good people but more often bad things happen to good people because they made poor decisions. Stay smart, trust your intuition, and always err on the side of safety. Do not be arrogant and think bad things will not happen to you. ©TLK2020  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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All I can say is "That's one beautiful ass!" I love those piloerections! Piloerections? Goosebumps, dumb ass...... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Nice.
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Good post Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Beware of that sub frenzy......
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All I can say is "That's one beautiful ass!" I love those piloerections! Piloerections? Goosebumps, dumb ass...... Make Women Female Again
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Life is full of sharks, rogues. pretenders in all shapes, sizes and genders. Whether in the lifestyle or just life, how we choose a partner matters more because from that one decision will come 90% of your happiness or your misery.
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Darling M, I always read responses, and so I did this time .. it is brilliant, a sort of extention to your post, but since I am here, on yours, I am commenting what you posted. Take care xx
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Wise words
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Worth a read indeed... and coming back to it from time to time to refresh our memory as we tend to forget...  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Oh dear Jaded another fantastic topic to write about, which just happens to be my discussion with newbies and no so newbies. There are basically 4 categories out there for the uninitiated to be aware of. First are the same type you are writing about here, the Sharks. These prey on those with limited or no experience. They will not care about limits and they preach that it is about THEIR limits not those of the sub, and they are only out to get their jollies at the expense of others, and if you happen to question them, they will tell you that all relationships are dominant lead and that the sub has to take a back seat as far as kinks and limits. Then there are the Rogues who want the same things but they will lie and cheat and promise the world in order to get their satisfaction. Both of these will use the carcass until something fresh or comes along and then they dump what they have in order to move on to the new conquest. Thirdly you have the Pretenders who either want to get into the kink lifestyle and instead of admitting their newness pretend they have heaps of experience, and they then stumble and bluster their way through hoping they can deflect any attention in order to keep whatever the relationship ongoing. This same category also houses the new dominants who want to do the right thing and learn on the job (so to speak). The trouble is, they, unless they have done plenty of research at the beginning don't know what the right thing is or how to grow into the role. The 4th category is the true dominants who take the time to get to know the sub, treat them with respect and manners and who operate on the premise that honest open communication are a must. Unbelievably, this is the category that gets the least interest from new subs, and who are hurt the most from the dominant perspective, because f the bad name that doms get from the first 2 categories in particular. Newbies/youngsters want to learn, then they should be the ones that are sought out to gain training/experience/guidance or whatever is missing. But ironically, they are usually the last ones that any of the before mentioned group goes to. Still Jaded, with your desire to see proper use, true growth and education and an honest open relationship /dynamic will eventuate. In case you didn't pick up on it, this is one of my favourite rant topics where I see good people being wrongly used and treated, and wh end up suffering the most. ~M "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Worth a read indeed... and coming back to it from time to time to refresh our memory as we tend to forget...
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Oh dear Jaded another fantastic topic to write about, which just happens to be my discussion with newbies and no so newbies. There are basically 4 categories out there for the uninitiated to be aware of. First are the same type you are writing about here, the Sharks. These prey on those with limited or no experience. They will not care about limits and they preach that it is about THEIR limits not those of the sub, and they are only out to get their jollies at the expense of others, and if you happen to question them, they will tell you that all relationships are dominant lead and that the sub has to take a back seat as far as kinks and limits. Then there are the Rogues who want the same things but they will lie and cheat and promise the world in order to get their satisfaction. Both of these will use the carcass until something fresh or comes along and then they dump what they have in order to move on to the new conquest. Thirdly you have the Pretenders who either want to get into the kink lifestyle and instead of admitting their newness pretend they have heaps of experience, and they then stumble and bluster their way through hoping they can deflect any attention in order to keep whatever the relationship ongoing. This same category also houses the new dominants who want to do the right thing and learn on the job (so to speak). The trouble is, they, unless they have done plenty of research at the beginning don't know what the right thing is or how to grow into the role. The 4th category is the true dominants who take the time to get to know the sub, treat them with respect and manners and who operate on the premise that honest open communication are a must. Unbelievably, this is the category that gets the least interest from new subs, and who are hurt the most from the dominant perspective, because f the bad name that doms get from the first 2 categories in particular. Newbies/youngsters want to learn, then they should be the ones that are sought out to gain training/experience/guidance or whatever is missing. But ironically, they are usually the last ones that any of the before mentioned group goes to. Still Jaded, with your desire to see proper use, true growth and education and an honest open relationship /dynamic will eventuate. In case you didn't pick up on it, this is one of my favourite rant topics where I see good people being wrongly used and treated, and wh end up suffering the most.
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Great piece. Worth a read. As always, take what you need and leave the rest. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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