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Nice Guys Finish Last Nice guys finish last,” is an age-old truism that we’ve all heard at one point or another in our lives. But is it actually true? Don’t women want a man to treat them with respect, and dignity, and to value them equally? Don’t we as feminists (and yes, I use the inclusive term ‘we’ because I consider myself to be one) demand these things? Don’t we desire to move away from the days when Neanderthals and chauvinists were allowed to run rampant when women had to suffer constant sexual harassment as a matter of course in the workplace? Of course, we do, few things could be more self-evident than that. So shouldn’t we be raising men to be ‘gentlemen,’ to be respectful, to treat women as equals? Shouldn’t men who strive to be kind, gentle, giving, and considerate be the ideal mates? And haven’t I, on this very blog extolled the virtues of the man who is hardworking, respectful, educated, and a good communicator? Why yes, I have. I mean, if that’s what women want, why wouldn’t good guys finish first all the time? As it turns out, they do. Overwhelmingly women seek mates who treat them as equals, with dignity and respect. They seek men who are faithful in their marriage and honest. So, the end of the post? Not quite. You see, for as much as women desire men who are all of the above for life mates, they seek something very, very different from their sexual partners. Ask any relationship therapist or clinical psychologist on the planet and they’ll tell you the same thing: women love their spouses deeply and sincerely – and they are (overwhelmingly) utterly unattracted to them sexually. As it turns out, the scientific study of female sexuality is an extraordinarily complex subject. Stunning, I know. Professor Lorraine Dennerstein of the University of Melbourne determined that the loss of a woman’s libido as she ages is closely linked to a loss of interest in her sexual partner. Put another way: they desire sexless because they desire their partner less. Those same women consistently reported that they deeply loved and admired their partners. So what gives? Dr. Marta Meana, who is a clinical psychologist, Dean of the University of Nevada’s Psychology department, and widely respected researcher into women’s sexual functionality (and possibly more qualified to write about this subject than me), surmises that what drives female sexuality, above all else, is something that could be summed up best Cheap Trick’s 78 hit, “I want you to want me”: WOMEN PASSIONATELY DESIRE TO BE DESIRED. That same soft, gentle man (not a gentleman) who she loves and feels secure around: the one who asks permission for everything, and is constantly obsessed with asking, “Are you sure you’re ok,” that guy is safe, but he is not sexy. Sexually, a woman does not fantasize about being delicately considered, she wants to be passionately desired, chased, and pursued, she wants to be the object of a man's unbridled lust – she wants to be conquered. The real female orgasm? Being desired. Now men, if you’ve ever read a harlequin novel (or watched an episode of True Blood), step back and ask yourself if that is not precisely the caricature that comes to mind. The strong, decisive, passionate, slightly dangerous, and lustful man. It’s almost comical how obvious the correlation is. Yet that same man who appeals to a woman’s lustful side isn’t necessarily the one who appeals to her desire for safety and comfort in a relationship. And that’s the rub men: It will be your passion that brings her in, and it will be your security that holds her attention, but to develop her into that wanton slut you desire, who continues to explore with you and to grow in her submission, you must first provide the platform for her to build on. You must be the foundation, the rock upon which her temple to you is built. Education, practice, communication, discipline, dedication, decisiveness, love, passion, and accountability: These are your tools. You must be ever vigilant to maintain your passion for her. To constantly reaffirm her place in your sexual desires with action and inventiveness; to constantly reaffirm your commitment to her soul with strong communication; her mind with leadership; her heart with consistent love, unending patience, and understanding; and to your relationship with stern discipline. Committing your life to these principles and their practice is what will ultimately separate you from the cuckold husband, or the douche-bag wanna-be doms. You must be both the lion and lover. Do these things well, and her submission will blossom, fail and it will wither. The choice ultimately is yours. Choose wisely. ~ Axiom  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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My response by being the nice guy has always been...at least we finish...one way or another!....now, it's as if it doesn't matter anymore and hardly ever did! Being single since 2018, and havnt been touched by a woman since, I'm beginning to think I'll never be touched again and I'm already accepting it. I have a saying about Good Women, They're either Dead, Damaged, Taken or not Legal yet and there just isn't one for me! If there is, I hope she finds me and soon! I'm here waiting....patiently
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By the way, the saying "Nice guys finish last," was spurious and counterfeit, and was falsely attributed to Leo Durocher, the manager of the 1946 Brooklyn Dodgers. It was during a game against the New York Giants, who were in 7th -- second-to-last-- place in the National League and managed at that time by the Baseball Hall of Famer, Mel Ott, that Durocher said the following about the Giants: “The nice guys are all over there, in seventh place.”
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Does your philosophy, Alj, discount the validity and strength and staying power of a relationship between a genuine and affectionate male submissive and a woman of dominance and control? I'm not talking about a male floor-mat or cuckold or feminized sissy mired in an FLR, nor am I talking about a dominant male "lion" or "conquerer", given to evincing a "bad boy" quality of a unique and personally-/singly -defined eroticism and romanticism (i.e., lacking full mutuality). Your (inadvertent, perhaps) subtext always seems to delineate a woman, howsoever worldly, educated, articulate, independent, socially adept, etc., to be, in her heart of hearts, actually wanting to submit to that more take-charge, dominant, and yes, at the same time, caring and considerate, and respectful male type--one that you seem, quite unambiguously, to prefer and extol, and, ipso facto, to equate this connection or configuration with true love, a concept which I have always felt to be somehat indefinable, inexplicit, and incapable of being totally prepared for, rehearsed , or meticulously blueprinted and rule-driven. It is only until love happens upon one--whether it be reciprocated or not-- that one can even begin to try to understand what it's all about. To my mind, love blindsides or ambushes one quite serendipitously. The lustful man you describe or extol does not seem remotely capable or desirous of displaying any submissive tendencies or of revealing any evidence of introversion or masked privacies, or, for that matter, any slavish passion or deference toward his female partner who might want to explore taking the lead and control, now and then, in the bedroom. I get the feeling that male submissiveness, according to your metric or calculus, can only be seen as a character weakness, flaw, or deficit, perhaps even bordering on a pathology. I'm sure I have misinterpreted your remarks, but, nevertheless, felt a need to elicit your clarifying rejoinder. In any event, a most interesting,and thought-provoking post. I guess I want to hear more from you, in this case, about men who offer themselves as prey--not always easy prey, but willing --to women that need to hunt and serve as predators...a not so uncommon role or power reversal/exchange, which certain men obviously understand and accept, if not, welcome.
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Very well written. Putting it to practice is so much more difficult.
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2/8/2024 5:24 pm |
Technically speaking Neanderthals were a different species probable reminiscent of the retarded boy living next door. I'm sometimes abrasive, and I'm frequently nice, but I'm always bad. I always have been. I'm not this or that because of anyone im trying to show off to. I'm being who I am without any regard to anyone else. When it comes to a woman I'm always naughty. I'm a rebel and always will be. Fast cars and motorcycles are in my blood. I like working with my brain and I like working with my hands. That means I can fix almost anything around the house and I work on my own car mostly...well im going to rock on...have a good night.
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Isn't the power exchange every girl wants a bad boy that is only good for her, an every guy wants a good girl that is only bad for him.
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Isn't the power exchange every girl wants a bad boy that is only good for her, an every guy wants a good girl that is only bad for him.
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Nice..I met few couple..
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Education and breeding of responsible humans, who treat each and everyone with respect, is not a matter of gender. Rudeness, ignorance and much more is common behaviour among members of both sexes.
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Excellent writing. I will have to read a couple of times and definitely be thinking about . I guess that why marriage failed. Thank you for posting!
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A woman who truly believes and lives within these thoughts is a treasurer. (Dominant women too.)
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This is a fabulous article. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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