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Being Submissive  Being submissive isn’t a choice. You didn’t choose for your earliest sexual fantasies to include being restrained, punished, or controlled. You’re submissive whether or not you have a Dom/me or Sir or Master/Mistress. You’re submissive even if you have a long-distance D/s relationship. You’re submissive even if your D/s isn’t 24-7. You’re submissive even if you’re alone with your thoughts. You’re submissive whether or not you fight it, feel good about it, or bad about it. If you are submissive, you just are. And you should own it. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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In my experience, some are submissive or dominant by orientation (what I sometimes call “organics”) who often can trace their orientation all the way back to puberty whereas for others it’s a learned, emergent or adopted preference or way. I also know some switches who go “totally s” when engaging with someone they perceive as a “true dominant” (as opposed to the more common poseurs who are playing at the role toward domineering ends or as a ploy to get sex). I understand where you’re coming from- as in your case, this has always been an orientation for me, not a choice. Put simply, I have a lifetime of evidence to support that I feel no attraction if I don’t smell through-and-through submissiveness in a potential partner, no matter what someone looks like or how willing. I don’t even respond to overt overtures from self-described subs (what I call someone “turning a butt up at me”) as my brain parses it as topping from the bottom and shuts down attraction. That said, it’s a big world and the important thing as I see it is that people seek to understand themselves, live honestly and show others respect and hopefully some love along the way, however they came to their natures. This post got a good conversation going. Thank you, as ever, for sharing your perspective, M. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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What drmgirl says, counts for me too. I also did not understand that there are sooo many soft vanilla men..., who will do about anything, as long as they can get laid, once in a bleu moon....   I also could not understand, that since i am here, being submissive, (slave) there never seem to be a D type around, who géts mé... with one i do have that klick.... connection.... I am what i am... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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ali This is so true! It is how we were born!  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Nice post. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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A very good post. It goes right to the point.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think it is good that you own it... Denying yourself is not good for you! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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This seems to be the case of hard wiring. It isn't a choice but rather a path illuminated through the darkness. If it's not natural it has no substance, no reality. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Both the soul and the mind are one with conscious spirit. Mind is just a projection of soul. Soul is your whole consciousness. Humans only crave three basic things beyond shelter and food. We seek safety, belonging, and mattering. When combined with the strongest human need, sex, you understand that sex is often how we achieve belonging an mattering. What makes some of us yield while other take is determined by how our "will" is created within our genetics. We do not choose to be what we are in our soul . . It is our calling our fate. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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It took me awhile to understand what it really was..... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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true for the dom as well ; ) "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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In my experience, some are submissive or dominant by orientation (what I sometimes call “organics”) who often can trace their orientation all the way back to puberty whereas for others it’s a learned, emergent or adopted preference or way. I also know some switches who go “totally s” when engaging with someone they perceive as a “true dominant” (as opposed to the more common poseurs who are playing at the role toward domineering ends or as a ploy to get sex). I understand where you’re coming from- as in your case, this has always been an orientation for me, not a choice. Put simply, I have a lifetime of evidence to support that I feel no attraction if I don’t smell through-and-through submissiveness in a potential partner, no matter what someone looks like or how willing. I don’t even respond to overt overtures from self-described subs (what I call someone “turning a butt up at me”) as my brain parses it as topping from the bottom and shuts down attraction. That said, it’s a big world and the important thing as I see it is that people seek to understand themselves, live honestly and show others respect and hopefully some love along the way, however they came to their natures. This post got a good conversation going. Thank you, as ever, for sharing your perspective, M.
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A very good post. It goes right to the point.
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According to your metric, Alj, how do you rationalize the existence of male or female sub-to-dom[me] SWITCHES? Is this an anomaly, or are these types merely undecided yet, or, perhaps, naturally/permanently indecisive? Without using terms & phrases like schizophrenic, bi-polar, dual personality, or role-play, would it not be possible to identify or characterize such types as simply being very protean, healthily mercurial, or adventurous--a type that eschews being cubby-holed or rigidly categorized or regimented or limited by the "submissive" label , or being simply stuck in a rut of unalterable (and too often, tedious & highly ritualized) sameness--a person of many hats...many moods...able to evince two disparate power orientations, as well as a vanilla side, in differing circumstances, without it being a problem...without said mutability being deemed unnatural or irresolute/wishy-washy, or untrue or dishonest to oneself? Is it not possible for one (in the "lifestyle") to be a normal, "well-adjusted" fence straddler, or one able to enjoy each side of the fence, respectively, in its turn and for its differences? Could this not be seen, perhaps, as just a more current iteration of the perfect Renaissance Man or Woman, those possessing multiple and varied interests and skills and pleasure preferences (including a "multivalent" & multi-tasking eroticism and kinkiness--whether as a sub or as a dom[me]--as well as possessing considerable intellect, creativity, and resourcefulness, for their combined and expedient application & healthily rewarding exploitation in separate & different situations and circumstances and contexts (of a D/s stripe), at will or by deliberate choice? Can we not change our minds about things and dispositions and behavioral patterns, without such swerves & deviations being otherwise thought of as chemically or congenitally impossible...that some traits are too hardwired to allow being changed, modified, suspended, or cancelled? I think, in some respects, Alj, your above-posted thesis is arguable, though I could be wrong. It just seems to me that by not including sub switches, as well as those individuals—male or female-- who, only periodically or temporarily will adopt or assume a submissive persona for a genuine and convincing and dynamic interaction (in a finite session context) with a controlling dom[me}, you , by these omissions, seem to be implying that "submissives" of these sorts are fraudulent imposters, since the former type of subs can just as easily take on or embody an alpha dom persona (when executing a switch) in a dynamic with another more inflexible sub, who is unwavering in his/her commitment to the sub or beta power orientation; and the latter type of subs, since they might, from your perspective, seem to lack a certain requisite degree of permanence or an unbroken term of commitment, by the very fact that after a session proper has ended (or in the interstices between sessions proper) they will always revert to a conventional, mainstream, vanilla lifestyle...until the next (or another) session proper serves to draw them in, or, at least, attract their sub personas once again, after their hiatus of dormancy, during which their sub tendencies were "buried" and hidden in a closet and seemingly repressed. I tend to think that the very on-and-off cyclicality of this type of sub's arrangement or preference, would serve to make you doubt his/her submissive bona fides, as well. Though we may not completely see eye to eye on a few issues, i always look forward to reading your well-thought-out, and your cogently and eloquently expressed, blog posts. My comments here have addressed two gray-shaded issues that pertain to the lifestyle, particularly, as they concern putative submissives. I can only say that I would be interested in getting your perspective on them, as to their validity and worthiness of falling under your rubric of "Being Submissive."
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What drmgirl says, counts for me too. I also did not understand that there are sooo many soft vanilla men..., who will do about anything, as long as they can get laid, once in a bleu moon.... I also could not understand, that since i am here, being submissive, (slave) there never seem to be a D type around, who géts mé... with one i do have that klick.... connection.... I am what i am...
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ali This is so true! It is how we were born! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Nice post. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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I think it is good that you own it... Denying yourself is not good for you!
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This seems to be the case of hard wiring. It isn't a choice but rather a path illuminated through the darkness. If it's not natural it has no substance, no reality.
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Both the soul and the mind are one with conscious spirit. Mind is just a projection of soul. Soul is your whole consciousness. Humans only crave three basic things beyond shelter and food. We seek safety, belonging, and mattering. When combined with the strongest human need, sex, you understand that sex is often how we achieve belonging an mattering. What makes some of us yield while other take is determined by how our "will" is created within our genetics. We do not choose to be what we are in our soul . . It is our calling our fate.
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It took me awhile to understand what it really was.....
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true for the dom as well ; )
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