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Limits in BDSM  In every new relationship, at some point, the topic of limits will be discussed. What are your limits? Everybody has limits, in fact. It could be for health reasons, phobias, fear, safety, triggers, or any other reason that is unappealing or disliked. If it is unacceptable, unappealing, and unwanted it will be a limit. There will come a point in a relationship when something will become a limit. Think about this hypothetical scenario; a Dom suddenly decides he wants to see his sub-gang banged by a bar full of guys. Is that perfectly acceptable for him to do this without her consent? With no discussion or thought of her safety and well-being? What about her morals and ethics? Still okay with this scenario? She claims she has no limits, right? For those who are uncertain or confused about what limits are, there are two main types - Hard and soft limits. A soft limit is something that may not be what you think you want at this time but are willing to try in the right circumstance or with a particular Dominant. Or you would be willing for your Dom to persuade you in a scene if the conditions were suitable. A hard limit is something that should never be done under any circumstance. The line in the sand is never to be crossed. As the relationship develops and a greater amount of trust is established, limits may very well change. What was once a hard limit may become something that is now pleasurable and part of a scene or may become a soft limit. Likewise, a soft limit may become a hard limit. In time, your risk levels will expand. For this reason, limits should be discussed from time to time to establish these new boundaries. To establish limits and discover what your limits are, discuss what appeals to you and what you find unappealing. Whether or not you like or dislike an activity is a matter of personal choice, taste, and experience. For the new submissive, it’s important to look inside yourself and discover what your boundaries and limits are before searching for a partner. This could be absolutely anything you do not like, want, find appealing or whatever. Maybe you hate your feet being touched? Maybe being enclosed in a tight space because you suffer from claustrophobia? There are also unwritten or obvious limits that need no written contract, which is anything illegal, animals, minors, etc. which are far outside the ‘moral’ code of human behavior and a D/s relationship. Basically, anything that is of no interest to either partner will be outside their boundaries and will not come into the dynamic and become absolutes. Pre-arranged limits are different from personal limits. These are mutually agreed upon by both partners before a D/s relationship is entered into. These could include; no third parties allowed into the relationship, maximum number of people allowed to join a scene, etc. These lines are never to be crossed without a prior discussion at the very least. Limits are also used to help determine compatibility when searching for a partner. A little may search for a Daddy Dom, but if the DD has a hard limit RE ageplay and that’s your kink… or maybe you don’t like pain and your new Dom has a limit that insists on sadism towards the sub. Again, communication is the way forward. Limits can also be positive with regard to D/s. For example, a submissive may only enter into a scene (or relationship) with the strict instruction that a lot of spanking is to be included or she is not willing to participate (or enter into a relationship). In a long-term, well-established D/s relationship there very well may be ‘no limits’ because both partners have established enough trust within the relationship and stay within the boundaries of their dynamic. To them, they play safe, safe, and consensually, and never step outside of their comfort zone. They know what is and is not acceptable. They know their own kink is in sync and want the same experiences. There is a level of trust that exists between the two partners that they can say ‘We have no limits’ because every part of their relationship is tried and tested, they are in tune and they know each other extremely well. There is no ‘outside the box’ to their dynamic, everything remains within the confines of what has already been established. Technically, they both have limits. It’s just that they are so in sync together it just ‘appears’ that they have none. Never say you do not have any limits. Would you like to be suffocated? Tortured? Sleep naked outside? Maybe have your Dom's name tattooed on your forehead? Or branded? Now or somewhere in time, there will be something that you do not want or like or do not want to do. Know your limits and express them to your partner. For the benefit of the reader. This article was written with the BDSM mantra of SSC, safe, sane, and consensual in mind. It is for information purposes only. Take from this what you will. This is also gendered universal. –-Dominant Life "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Communicate, communicate and communicate more- early, in detail and often. It’s the only right gateway to wordless places.
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Insightful reading.
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It's a great piece for novices or experts alike. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Some very important basics!
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1 post 4/25/2024 11:56 am |
When I first got into it when I was a team comma I was taught to keep my limit short so that I would see what I like and what I didn't come up and my list is stayed very short comma I enjoy it very much
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