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What am I looking for? It has now been about a year since I became single again. Have been asked over and over what am I looking for. At first, I wasn’t looking for anything, I just wanted to heal. Part of my healing was seeing I am not perfect in fact I am very imperfect. I could write a list of how imperfect I am… maybe another time. Lol I have since excepted that I am not perfect, then I realized I would have to be able to except that whoever I connect with be it a Dom, or a friend that they too are imperfect just as I am. Coming to a deeper understanding that I am not perfect does not by any means give me a reason not to be the best I can be. In fact, I think it given me more reason, to strive to be my best in what I do. Another part of my healing was a bit more difficult and that was realizing that someone can’t always be there for me that there will be times I must trust myself to figure out how to get through whatever I am going through. Trusting myself that was a big one for me, I am still working on it and I am getting better at it. Now don’t get me wrong I do trust myself in many ways, but there are times I don’t. In the past year there are things that have come up, were I had to trust myself to find answer for myself and you know what, I did. Which leads me to the thought that there are times in our lives each of us must be self-trusting, because sometimes there is no one else. Think about it, how can I trust someone else if I can’t trust me? How can someone trust me if I can’t trust myself? This realization has been a huge for me and has allowed me to grow as a person. One of the other things I realized during my healing period was that whatever my reality, is it may not be someone else’s reality. Each person’s reality is based on their own experiences and interpretation of those events that have influenced their lives to the point of influencing how they see the world around them. Has it made them more open minded or maybe more closed minded, whatever it might have done, it is their or my reality. In realizing this I have found I need to be more excepting not everyone reality is mine and my reality is not always theirs. So, what does this all have to do with the question what am I looking for? Well at, first I was looking for me, now I am looking for…. I don’t know but I will know it when I stubble upon it, be it friends or something more. |
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We all have our, so called defects of character, that we must deal with, and figure out how to overcome them, and finally dump them...forever. One thing many struggle with, is exactly what you describe...trusting oneself..and our decisions. Don't get me wrong, all of us...will doubt ourselves...but we must learn, and we do learn...to trust ourselves...in all things !!! Trust yourself....be confident....and you will find, that your decision making, if it has been questionable, in the past, will be increasingly...better !! Carry On !!! Take Care, Ms Kit.....your Pal...BD
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