Blog : Connection, and When Not to Connect

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3/27/2019 9:18 pm

Connection, and When Not to Connect

This is an excerpt from my notes for the flogging workshop. In the late 90's I tried to get people to come to my Connections - Putting
Emotions Into and would get few takers. I snuck it into a Flogging workshop and started to get traction.
I felt a lot of people, especially back then, would just start hitting their partner and should do more before they got to that. I think this is an idea that is fairly well accepted these days. (And I wasn't the only one espousing this).
But, there is also THIS idea:

When NOT to Connect

...sometimes, especially in a sadistic scene, the bottom may actually prefer not connecting.

If you learn to do a good job connecting, and then the sado masochistic scenes aren’t working well, try not connecting for those scenes. Ultimately, it’s your job to attention to what happens, and if it’s not working, try something else.
In the example I gave in , Michelle loved hard sado/masochistic scenes, but she wouldn’t take as much with as with others.
She could take a beating from others, heavy bruising, with canes, lots of welts, but with , she’s end the scene early. I felt like she was playing a game. What was going on? Was she playing some game? It strained our relationship.
So I tried not connecting.

I had a difficult day at work. Before I came home from work, I instructed Angel to inform Michelle that she was going to prepare Michelle for me, making the start of the scene impersonal. Kim strapped her down, feet on the floor firmly to the padded table.
Angel then lounged on a rug on the floor eating grapes, indifferent. She was great because she didn’t react at all to what happened next .
After a wait, I came in, imagining whatever connection I had to Michelle was scrunched up into a tight ball and whisked away from her. I imagined a cold wall of energy between us.\
As I used an underhand contact of the flogger to Michelle’s ass, I said, “Let me tell you about my day.”
There was a up but it was stiffer and quicker.

And finally I was able to beat the snot of her. Everyone was happy.
Now, probably as I choose partners they tend to have some similar characteristics and reactions. Most of my partners need me not to connect if it’s Sado/Masochistic. Most of them benefit from connecting when I’m going for nice spacey scenes and love and orgasms.

It’s your job to try things , attention to what happens, and adjust.
I’m giving you my experiences, and there’s something to learn from that. But Your Mileage May Vary.

Everyone has their own preferences. attention, and then if needed, try something different.
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