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My dog..he passed away a year ago today I blogged about this before....last year in the early morning i took my titus to the vet to be put down.. I rarely cry I don't know if this is because i am a man.. Or the depression.. I just know when i cry there is a reason And when i cry i am hurt deep inside.. I am broken. Few touch me so deep or bond with me so well. Titus pullo was more human than dog. On a cold morning last year i grabbed a shovel and dug through the harden cold soil. Mostly clay..heavy as hell. It was slippery,slimy..i thought i was having a heart attack..that is how physically and emotionally i was drained. I didnt stop till the hole was 4 foot wide and 4 deep. But i made sure titus didnt make the journey alone. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket. I buried him with a loaf of bread...awe how he luved bread. Funniest ever .. And i put in his first toy...i keep the stuffed lucius verenious from titus' puphood ..hense titus and lucius named from hbos series Rome They started off together and ended together..buddies for life I held my for one last time and kissed him goodbye..he smelled of the drugs the vets gave him...but he was still titus I could still feel his body warmth. But he was gone. My titus was healthy as all get go...begging for bacon one sunday..the next..day..he just slept...and then slept the whole day through. He refused to eat and lost life...he was 14yrs Despite having no energy..couldnt walk...he walked up the steps and i found him sleeping w me in my bed. Omg He knew how sad i was.. dying my felt my sadness and slept one more night with me😭 So if you find yourself raising a glass tonight..please give a shout out to titus pullo...the mighty mighty titus pullo..what a loyal dog My dog..my friend..my buddy. |
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I shouldnt be sad. I dreamed...and if your know anything about your boy he isnt normal. Im very intuned..surreal perhaps even psychic. I dreamed a deep dream that i opened my front door and titus was there. Now alot of times i am self aware in my dreams. I can tell when things are wrong,dont add up or that i am dreaming. I knew Titus had passed on..but omg...i nearily cried.. He was real..he was full of energy..he was healed. I could Feel the warmth of titus in my arms... More than a dream but a reality... He was alive..titus crossed over But somehow i let go and he headed to the backdoor.. Titus was buried in the backyard. Id like to think he came home one last time. I bured titus in a good place. I let him out the back door the one day to potty and he just stopped and settled down in this one area. I wondered what was going through his mind that day..but he seemed to enjoy just sitting there and watching the cars go by. He seemed so at peace In sept last year i finally build a grave site..i fashioned a box and filled it with sand. I put tiny figured of dogs in it..and a garden banner featuring a westie.. Titus was a westie and for some odd reason i envision heaven as a beach.. And my mom,brother and dad hugging titus tonight. I know it wont be that long before we are together again.. Ill meet my buddy at the rainbow bridge . And i will finally be happy
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I actually felt like titus crossed over in that dream, he knew how sad i was and decided to make one last pit stop. One last time home I say this because titus never got another chance inside his home. I dug that bastard hole that nearly killed me.. I had his body in the car and prepped his burial box outside. To which i wrote my deepest thoughts in sharpie marker on that cardboard box before buring him. I never took him back into what had been his house for like 10 yrs Funny as titus layed dieing my roommate took him for a drive and titus barely had the energy to climb the front concrete stairs.,. My plugger magic failed me that day...i honestly wanted to believe titus was getting better..but despite all my magic and 10 cent duct tape fixes that worked for all these year. I watched him die ....i am a total faud. My heart broke into pieces seeing him struggle with those steps.. And im not sure a year later that im over it..that hurt me soooo much. I sit here crying and drinking heavily tonight Maybe it is because i am a man.. Maybe it is the depression.. Maybe im just so Broken inside.. But i don't know how to heal.. Or how to deal.
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2/3/2020 9:09 pm |
It is ok to be sad and cry for someone you have lost even if that someone is a pet.
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But i know there is a beyond..my mighty mighty titus..my artic dog..my bunkie..my fattie clause....my pokie dog..and all the other nicknamed i had for titus... Crossed over.. He is waiting for me on that beach with all those that came before me.. My dad,,,RG My mom .,mommo bear Celine My bro,,the toonman tim My dog.,the original og.,the lil general My cats...spooky butt,Shania,tom,smarty cat And yes i will cross over.. But maybe you'll say a lil prayer that this plugger keeps on plugging..there is still work for him to do.. Maybe by youtube or magic or just damn luck he can fix a disabled friends car..just so he is mobile and can see friends. Maybe its time to break out that mcgyver ducttape.. And pray
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Our pets are part of us......
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lets be honest dogs are better than most humans
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