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Kink is NOT Easy Since when did Kinky become synonymous with Easy? How in the world can someone know what ‘kinks’ will evolve until one understands their partner? The first thing I learned in the Kink community was never put down someone elses kink. What works for one, might not work for another. That being said, one is always influenced by the others they are around. As a sub perhaps this is more so the case. Correct me if I’m wrong because nobody knows you like YOU do. But I feel like when I was with a Dom who was into breath play, I wanted to participate in breath play. When I was with a Dom who was into bondage, I was into bondage… see what I mean? To the contrary, when I don’t have a connection with someone I’m far less likely to want to participate in their kinks. I suppose it comes down to connection and that ‘spark’. I have never felt the spark from cyber sex, phone sex, kinky chat or sharing of kinks. Sex is just sex after all. But a connection is where someone else knows you as a person, a real live living person beyond words on a screen. The connection comes from someone knowing what you fear, what you love, what makes you laugh and what makes you sad. All this is the learning required to know someone well enough to ‘push their buttons’ beyond what is superficial kink. It’s not easy at all. Kink is a very difficult and time consuming thing. If one considers ‘getting to know another’ a waste of time, I ask you to question this logic. Particularly those who say ‘no time wasters’. I ask you, is getting to know someone worth it? Is getting to be able to understand them prior to play important? I ask you to challenge your short-term goal of ‘getting off’ and evaluate if just perhaps… what if taking the time might actually be worth it? What if being difficult instead of easy, might ACTUALLY be more fun? |
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I couldn't agree with you more. I like to take my time to get inside the person's head, to find out what makes them tick. This process can take a year. But I do find that some submissive people want it all right now as well. These are opening themselves up to abuse.
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9/3/2019 7:02 pm |
Kink may not be the easiest, especially if you are new with each other, but it is much easier if you communicate. Also, sex may or not be part of your kink. That is solely your choice, but it sure seems to be the focus of many people on this web site unfortunately. I would say that in general, because kink is all about communication it is much more probable that you will be successful early on, especially in the hands of a skilled Dom/Master. TPE may take a little bit more time as it is the epitome of surrender and control, but still may be very obtainable in the short run. As far as building a relationship, it can proceed very quickly if both parties are in agreement and the Dom/Domme/Master knows what they are doing. Of course, that implies you have to find one that knows what he/she is doing. Not an easy task, and if this web site is any indication, almost impossible.
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Very well said. It is rarely "time-wasting" getting to know someone. Welcome to Blogland. 
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9/14/2019 1:22 am |
Oddly I've not heard anyone disagree with me but I do know their out there as 90% of messages I get are either 'What are you wearing' or 'wanna come fuck'. I know this is a sweeping generalisation but so many think that if your kinky you'll whip off your knickers. Shame really... there is so much more out there. 
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5/16/2020 7:48 pm |
I totally agree with you.
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