Blog : Arrival of D-Day

Blogs > infinitepoetess > Poetic Pussy Craft

6326 posts
10/14/2020 4:56 am

Arrival of D-Day

A year ago, I would be waking to speak to him...
It was a Tuesday...
And in twent.y-f.our little hours, he would be gone, forever...
That day has played out in my mind for a ye.ar...
The day my last text was. "I'm worried sick. Are you still alive?"...

I have coined tomorrow, October fift.eenth as "D-Day".
Somehow, that makes it easier to say what day commemorates Tim's date of dying.
I've been going through the motions of preparing myself, as best I can, and busying myself, until I almost collapsed from exhaustion. This is common for grief and coping. Anything to keep our minds busy.

"D-day" falls on my day off, which is probably good, so I don't have to pretend to be happy. Of course, everyone has advice:
aH: "You got this. It has been a year and yes big changes, you'll be sad, but you have grown stronger"
"I'm trying, my head knows that, but...I don't feel very strong right now." That's all I can manage back, when I want to flip him off for being flippant about losing Tim. And then, I realise he is saying what he comprehends of it. No one can give advice if they have never been through it.
There will be dozens of these statements to sort through. An emotional roller coaster of anger, defensiveness, resentment, and exhaustion...

Should have prepared his memorial video....but it sits in my inbox halfway done.
Should have prepared a letter to send out by email to everyone reassuring them and being graceful....but it sits in my inbox, with just the greeting completed...
Should have been in UK by now for his memorial at the Rugby Club, but Northern England is shut down again...
In the words of Scarlett O'Hara "After all, tomorrow is another day"
Until there's not a tomorrow...
A reality that makes me grateful for every moment that is precious to us all.

Here stands a woman, holding together the pieces of her broken heart...
Making it through reliving the worst day of her life, minute by minute, until the moment a phone call changed the course of our lives...
It was a Tuesday...
I will get through it because I have grown stronger....
Strong enough to hold the weight of a family with broken hearts.
Missing the most unique man ever conceived.

Hug those you love every day and tell them...
~Poetess~

Song addition for this post
Tuesday's Gone - Lynard Skynard

infinitepoetess 54F

3499 posts
10/14/2020 4:59 am

Tuesday's Gone
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Train roll on, on down the line,
Won't you please take me far away?
Now I feel the wind blow outside my door,
Means I'm leaving my woman behind.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
My woman's gone with the wind.
And I don't know where I'm going.
I just want to be left alone.
Well, when this train ends I'll try again,
But I'm leaving my woman at home.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
My woman's gone with the wind.
Train roll on many miles from my home,
See, I'm riding my blues away.
Tuesday, you see, she had to be free
But somehow I've got to carry on.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
Tuesday's gone with the wind.
My woman's gone with the wind.

bimom4taboo 54F

2093 posts
10/14/2020 5:19 am

Sorrry for what your going thru. we do at some poit in our lives. you are strong now. but it still hurts. it's good in away. he will know how you feel im sure of that. there is life after we die.

BlkBdsmMstr1 71M

188 posts
10/14/2020 5:46 am

Morning Poetess:

This is the hard one, the first yea. I have walked that path that you are walking as you know. It does get easier over time but the void that you feel will always be there. You know where I am, reach out if you need to talk. Hugs ((( )))