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Saving Lives Including Your Own  This is her doing the Carolina Shag dance in Myrtle Beach in 2003 Behind , in the background, is a steady beep of a heart monitor and the sound of air being pumped through a tube into a human body. It's my mo.ther's body. M.om is lying there trying to breathe through a ventilator. We are se.ven days into this ordeal of pneumonia and a heart attack. She is mid-se.venties and a tough old broad. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, obviously. I have had some soul searching t.o do on this trip. And like every journey, there is something to be learned. See, I wrote about mo.mmy dearest here before, She snuck into my house, downloaded my hard drive, and investigated me .to expose my lifestyle choices. It was a huge devastating blow t.o our relationship. And, I didn't see nor talk t.o her for almost a dec.ade. When my late master died, I called her because I needed some pictures of him, that she had. That was a year ago, and I had still not seen her because COVID happened....until now. When I got the call informing m.e of her hospitalization, I dropped everything, including my hound off at my boss's house, flew t.o North Carolina, and then drove like a bat out of hell t.o Myrtle Beach, where she was in this satellite hospital that didn't know Jack. I immediateloy requested a transfer t.o a huge teaching hospital an hour and a half away. In my heart, I know that request saved her life. This is where I had t.o succumb and accept my need to always be loyal, devoted, and dependable as a dau.ghter. I think most da.ughter's do. It is part of our nurturing maternal indoctrination. Our elderly become more like as the circle of life makes its rotation. It is absolutely normal for the female to take this role of maternal nurturing and care, or at least that's what I told myself, as I stayed in the hospital twelve hours a day making every decision for her life, while it hung in the balance. It is an honor code I have with myself that I can't break, no different than my loyalty as a slave. It is who I am, and I don't separate the tw.o. I think this is what perplexed me for the longest about my ex-boyfriend's decision to leave kink based relationships. How do you differentiate yourself from being what you are? You can't without developing borderline personality disorder, in my book, but I digress. We live and learn to be different through the pain of what we go through, most times of our own making. Our own prisons, our own heartaches, and our own trangression against other's boundaries. The intention usually isn't to hurt someone, although we can easily do so. There comes a time though, when you realize, we are all doing the best we can at the time. They took her off the ventilator today after tw.o failed attempts, the thi.rd was a charm... This whole week, I have had t.o make decisions that carried immense weight, deciding for another human life, and not just any human, my mot.her. So far, I've done it without anyone's help. When I reached out to the ex, as a friend looking for some support, you guessed it, he gave as little as the promises he never kept. Big shocker... A.ll along It's been m.e, alone...making life or death decisions, who'd have thought I could handle it with any grace after it all? I thanked Tim once again for helping me to cope by having to have just gone through him dying, but he did me the ultimate favor....He died quickly and I didn't have to make any decisions on keeping him alive or not. .Hopefully, I will remain able t.o make the best decisions possible, and not take m.om and I in a direction that isn't workable. But, really, It's time t.o trust in myself. When she was fully coherent, I told her the story of how we got here a week later. She had tears in her eyes and she started to apologize. I stopped her, "You were there for m.e when I almost died having my k.id, so this time, it's your turn...That's what we do for those we love"I smiled and watched her nod and drift off to sleep... Song addition for this post Annie Had A Ba.by - Hank Ballard & The Midnighters (1954 - Banned from mainstream radio, they only played it on a radio station out of Memphis. That's where shag dancing took off from because it was too lewd for public consumption by law) |
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 Life lessons
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im very sorry your mom is not well at all. at 70 it's still young. as you say a tough old lady and i hope she pulls thru it all. my patents are older and not to well. so i might be in the same boat as you someday. hope not !! take care of yourself too just be there as you have been that's all anyone can do. Miss
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Glad your Mom is still ready to Shag dance. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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You are an incredible person. I'm a phone call away.XXXX "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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10/29/2020 4:49 am |
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Prayers
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Poetess, you are doing what you know is right, what is honorable, what is true. You have people you can lean on you know that, so don't think that you don't have support. I will check in on you Hugs ((( ))) 
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sending good thoughts your way to you, your mom and family
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Ah, the circle of life. Nice job saving your mom. She's a fiery woman and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mother. I've sat in your seat before and i know the internal struggle it brings. I agree wholeheartedly that daughters, the oldest daughter, is wired with a certain sense of commitment that carries her through life. Sending you many huggs.....
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poetess I am delighted your Mother has progressed well and hope she makes a full and speedy recovery! Family is irreplacable.... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Well, he passed another test in a life full of tests ... I'm glad everything is fine ... Greetings
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It's fortunate the hospital had a ventilator available to put your mom on. I suspect a lot of people who need urgent care aren't going to get it this year. I'm glad you were able to see to it that she got the proper care. Well done.
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im very sorry your mom is not well at all. at 70 it's still young. as you say a tough old lady and i hope she pulls thru it all. my patents are older and not to well. so i might be in the same boat as you someday. hope not !! take care of yourself too just be there as you have been that's all anyone can do. Miss
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mother. I've sat in your seat before and i know the internal struggle it brings. I agree wholeheartedly that daughters, the oldest daughter, is wired with a certain sense of commitment that carries her through life. Sending you many huggs.....
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thank you very much 😘
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It's fortunate the hospital had a ventilator available to put your mom on. I suspect a lot of people who need urgent care aren't going to get it this year. I'm glad you were able to see to it that she got the proper care. Well done.
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poetess I am delighted your Mother has progressed well and hope she makes a full and speedy recovery! Family is irreplacable....
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mother. I've sat in your seat before and i know the internal struggle it brings. I agree wholeheartedly that daughters, the oldest daughter, is wired with a certain sense of commitment that carries her through life. Sending you many huggs.....
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Ah, the circle of life. Nice job saving your mom. She's a fiery woman and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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You are an incredible person. I'm a phone call away.XXXX
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She is getting better each day. Slow but steady. I can't wait to go home Wednesday though! Gonna roll with my hound dog, miss him so much
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I'm a little slow in getting to this post, so please pardon my lack of punctuality. I can say that the special bond you speak of can also apply to males. Being the youngest of six children, I had a special relationship with a mother who had me late in life. As everyone else had left the family home, I was left holding the baby so to speak. Like you, I was placed in the position of having to make decisions concerning my mother's well-being, finances, and many other aspects of her day to day existence. Unfortunately she parted ways with this life back in 2004 at the age of 84. She'd had a tough life, being born in Spain during the Spanish flu pandemic, and lived through a civil war, then a world war under a government that sided with Hitler. She later lost her first child, then her husband while pregnant for the second time. There was no way I could leave her alone when elderly, and this shaped much of my own life. I've had a caring nature ever since. With regard to you and your mother's circumstance here, I wish not only for a full mending of her health, but also your relationship. Regards M.
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