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Reality VS Fantasy - Mind Fuckery  This is reality. No games or roles here. Fuck the 50 shades of shit version, or any of the poorly made movies on the subject matter. Reality and desire are completely different worlds. One of my favorite classes in college w.as Abnormal Psychology., and it still fascinates me today. The human condition, in all it's glorious confusion and struggle to make sense of all the traumas it endures, is a complex subject to explore. It is our own inevitable traumas that make up who we are as adults, as that is where we learn our coping skills, or lack of...Perhaps it is fair to say that as kinksters, we have more than our fair share of traumatic experiences in our past. One of the reasons I loved BDSM in the beginning w.as due to the fact it seemed to quiet my own demons. It w.as therapeutic and the promise of a Dom leading me through it w.as hopeful. But, I forgot to remember that all humans have experienced traumas that have shaped them. In that search for my Dom, I ran across players, scammers, narcissists', sociopaths, and low self esteem in many . The reality sunk in that my perfect Dom may have his own sheet of traumas. Long ago, I posted something called The Butcher's Bill. It a well written piece on people and their baggage. A Dom is expected to not carry his baggage into a D/s relationship. How can he facilitate healing in his submissive, if he needs to do his own healing? Then comes the fact that Doms, by their very nature, tend to have a larger ego and need to admit they cannot always handle every problem on their own. They need a professional to facilitate their healing but rarely are able to admit such. Then I met my lDom, a victim of severe abuse with twisted coping behaviors. That put me through the fucking wringer, but I finally stepped outside of myself and learned more than I knew before. So I had to admit that a person's perception of their self as healthy and just the way they are, isn't necessarily healthy at all. We tend to believe that we are doing fine on our own, and the other person has the problem. It tales a stronger Dom to admit he doesn't have all the answers. Of course, we all have our own baggage we carry, but our partner shouldn't have to lug it around for us. We need to put that shit in order first. Song for this post Fire and Rain - James Taylor |
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Just yesterday mornin', they let me know you were gone Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song I just can't remember who to send it to I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you again Won't you look down upon me, Jesus? You've got to help me make a stand You've just got to see me through another day My body's aching and my time is at hand And I won't make it any other way Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you again Been walking my mind to an easy time My back turned towards the sun Lord knows, when the cold wind blows It'll turn your head around Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line To talk about things to come Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you, baby One more time again, now Thought I'd see you one more time again There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you, fire and rain, now
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Well said infinite. Everyone has demons to be exorcized, and need to admit when we need help and if we make errors. A Master that can't admit mistakes, can't expect the trust of his submissive. Fire and Rain is an all-time favorite, too. Nice selection.
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To have a great D/s relationship, both need to connect, and that can't happen while carrying baggage. I don't know anyone can quickly go from one relationship to another. Perhaps I just connect deeper or tighter. It takes me time to heal and recover from a broken relationship. I feel I need to be able to give that partner the best I have to offer.
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Beatiful post. On Fet they say; you can not expect your D or M, to be your therapist, he/s he is not trained for that. I agree with that. You have to take care of your own trauma, first. Sure, we all are damaged in one way or an other. I see that as just a fact of life. Even when you are not abused physical, or mentally, we all get bruises, i believe it is in the way, you handle it, lays your strength, or not... I believe, Those bruises can give you triggers, it is important for the D, or M, to know those triggers, so he /she can anticipate those, or handle with more care.... It is also important that the s type knows her triggers, to be able to explain, tell about them... Own your shit! so to say. 
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To have a great D/s relationship, both need to connect, and that can't happen while carrying baggage. I don't know anyone can quickly go from one relationship to another. Perhaps I just connect deeper or tighter. It takes me time to heal and recover from a broken relationship. I feel I need to be able to give that partner the best I have to offer. However, do we ever lose the baggage of our life? My scars, warts and ageing skin tell of who I am ; I have no fear in that. My previous relationships (successful and failed) have also left their mark, they moulded me to be who I am. My baggage comes with me, and I reach into it at times, quite often I come out with an interesting toy to play with....
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I would go further and say if your Dom(me) cannot be open with you then they are not able to communicate in a way that will allow RACK/SSC to truly exist. To me there is a difference between playing a scene, where both parties are "actors" against an agreed "script" and a fully established BDSM relationship. In a relationship (BDSM or vanilla) I would want there to be sufficient openness that both parties can be familiar with each others vulnerabilities there are times when you avoid the wound and there are times to heal it.
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The first day, that I convince myself I did not make a mistake, is the day I know I am delusional. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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"Then comes the fact that Doms, by their very nature, tend to have a larger ego....." I find this to be so very true and actually a little sad. I always try to allow my dominant the space to express their vulnerability and just listen to their struggle. It makes me feel even closer to them when they do share with me.
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I love this creation splendid post my friend
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To have a great D/s relationship, both need to connect, and that can't happen while carrying baggage. I don't know anyone can quickly go from one relationship to another. Perhaps I just connect deeper or tighter. It takes me time to heal and recover from a broken relationship. I feel I need to be able to give that partner the best I have to offer. Who sai9d anything about not connecting tightly? OK back up and think childhoiod abuse on a severe level leaves coping mechanisms that are negative for others around that person....interactive relationships are difficult at best... And as I said, deal with your shit first 
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Yes but it may be over time that doesn't meet your schedule...Just sayin
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Beatiful post. On Fet they say; you can not expect your D or M, to be your therapist, he/s he is not trained for that. I agree with that. You have to take care of your own trauma, first. Sure, we all are damaged in one way or an other. I see that as just a fact of life. Even when you are not abused physical, or mentally, we all get bruises, i believe it is in the way, you handle it, lays your strength, or not... I believe, Those bruises can give you triggers, it is important for the D, or M, to know those triggers, so he /she can anticipate those, or handle with more care.... It is also important that the s type knows her triggers, to be able to explain, tell about them... Own your shit! so to say.
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"Then comes the fact that Doms, by their very nature, tend to have a larger ego....." I find this to be so very true and actually a little sad. I always try to allow my dominant the space to express their vulnerability and just listen to their struggle. It makes me feel even closer to them when they do share with me.
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Nice post. I'm sorry that you went through that with your last dom. I for one have childhood traumas that I've worked through. Part of my interview process is to ask if my new submissive or slave9 if she has any traumas that I should know about. I'm not a psychologist however I would hate to say something that triggers a new submissive or slave. It's better to know of someone's issues before they problems. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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infinite, Hmm, if those triggers are not known, or not recognised as being related to yought / childhood trauma...? That actions, words, even smells, can trigger that..... Then you have a whole other, new problem! Scary shit situation on your hands.
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every woman has a dirty kinky mind that like to try new things
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