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After Life And M/s  This piece is for those who wonder if there is a hereafter and wonder what it would be like to have a Master/Dom/slave/sub pass. All of the widows I know in the lifestyle have had a hard time adjusting after that event. I have come a long way in the almost three years since he passed. When you find a soulmate, their absence is, at the very least, disorienting for a while. You do know life must go on, and so you try as you may to be less of a damper on everyone around you. It feels like a façade you put on daily. You try to be a whole person with all your might, and it is exhausting...because, no matter what, you are missing a part of yourself. So you search to find yourself again. The process is painful, but you will get moments of respite, and those become longer. When he had his fatal heart attack, it was in the UK, and I was here readying myself to move there to reunite our family. The Master/slave dynamic, for over a decade, meant that I knew him and he knew myself, better than a person should know one another. We kept the video chat on all night so we had connection and could be a part of one another's lives. The morning he died, the connection had dropped, and usually I would call him right away. I did not do so, and for some reason, I knew something had happened. I didn't get the call until that evening from the police officer. The news took me to my knees and our daugh.ter was equally devastated. We flew to the UK two days later. Arriving on a weekend gave us a little time to quietly get situated in the flat. However when I arrived, his best mates had the place cleaned and I could not find his scent anywhere. I was so devastated that I called his best mates wife and asked her why there were ne sheets and my pillow was gone. She told me that they were not in the flat and they couldn't find them. This perplexed me even further. A past of mine was living in Ecuador studying shamanism. She called me on Saturday... Cindy: Oh my God Nikki. I just read on FB. Are you in England? Me: Yes. (tears streaming and sounding the mess I was) Cindy: I know you won't believe this but I was brushing my teeth and kept hearing a man with a British accent saying "bits" over and over" Me: Really? (my head trying to come out of the fog and hear her) Cindy: Yes! Did he say that a lot? Me: Of course, he was British...I love you to bits, Bits and bobs, yes Cindy: Honey what can I do? Me: I want to talk with someone who can connect with him and isn't a flake. I need a real medium. Do you know one? Cindy: Yes as a matter of fact I took a workshop with one last summer. I will send him your name, number and no more information. If he feels your husband, he will call. Me: Thank you Cindy. Thank you immensely. The very next evening the medium called. After pleasantries were exchanged, he explained he no longer did readings for the public, but felt he must call me. He stated there would be no charge for this call and that he did it because he was compelled to ease my anguish. After a minute, he declared Tim was there. I listened with skepticism and hope all mixed together Him: Tim says 'I was cleaning up the mess wifelet' No one else knew he called me that nor would he have known things were missing He goes on: Tim passed over with his father and the help of a lively little fellow. He is telling me it is your . My breath caught in my throat and tears began to pour down my cheeks. Him: He said your has a message...He said your is telling him that you need to forgive yourself, it wasn't your fault. I began sobbing. Him: Your had the option to return for another life and he has chosen not to. He likes hanging around you. He says you are brilliant in energy and have a huge heart. He could not have known I lost a before my daug.hter was born or that it was a . Him: Tim says he may have died in England, but he was not going to be found there. He will be at home when you return and evolving in the after life. Lastly, he says to tell you, you were one of a kind also. We said our goodbyes and I thanked him profusely. The next morning was Monday and I had to go claim him. When I woke, I went to the loo to relieve myself and as I sat there, I scrolled through my last messages to him. The last one was typed with me in tears and entering our flat. The last words were, You were one of a kind.... His best mate called, and I said, "Benno, you talked to him last, what did he say?" Benno: He told me the paramedics were on the way and I heard banging. I said, Tim what are you doing? And he answered that he was at the bin throwing away rubbish. I told him to sit down and the phone went dead." Me: Oh my god...He was cleaning up the mess... So keep that next to your heart if you have lost someone. The connection will always be there in some way. I have to believe we will see them again one day  Much Respect... Song for this post Immortality - Celine Dion and Bee Gees (One Night Concert) |
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So this is who I am And this is all I know And I must choose to live For all that I can give The spark that makes the power grow And I will stand for my dream if I can Symbol of my faith in who I am But you are my only And I must follow on the road, that lies ahead And I won't let my heart control my head But you are my only And we don't say goodbye We don't say goodbye And I know what I've got to be Immortality I make my journey through eternity I keep the memory of you and me Inside Fulfill your destiny Is there within the child My storm will never end My fate is on the wind The king of hearts, the joker's wild We don't say goodbye We don't say goodbye I'll make them all remember me 'Cause I have found a dream that must come true Every ounce of me must see it through But you are my only I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play Hand over my heart I'll find my way I will make them give to me Immortality There is a vision and a fire in me I keep the memory of you and me, inside And we don't say goodbye We don't say goodbye With all my love for you And what else we may do We don't say, goodbye
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So sorry for your loss. I cried the whole time reading your post. Thank you for sharing.
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sorry for your loss he lives on in your memories & heart as well is w you all always...its very hard to move on w o comparing others to him! I have relatives that have passed on that visit me in different ways it’s always very pleasant & reassuring experience...there definitely is another life/dimension beyond this worlds reality we know so little about! I hope you find peace & meaning again in your life!
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Whoah! That is some incredible gift. 
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Thought provoking. Three years isn’t that long. Even soulmates not separated by death, but other mundane life circumstances, can still deeply hurt for each other for 2-3 years after separating. When the souls latch together it’s one of the strongest bonds known. This offers up a related question. How many soulmates does one get in an average lifespan? True soulmates. One maybe two?
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Thought provoking. Three years isn’t that long. Even soulmates not separated by death, but other mundane life circumstances, can still deeply hurt for each other for 2-3 years after separating. When the souls latch together it’s one of the strongest bonds known. This offers up a related question. How many soulmates does one get in an average lifespan? True soulmates. One maybe two? No one knows for sure, do they? But I knew when he died, that I may never get that again this go round. I'm ok with that, because I tell myself that I was lucky to have that one. Some people live their whole miserable lives without one. That was my gift that I recognize now. I never did believe he felt the same way until he told me after life ended, that's ironic.
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Whoah! That is some incredible gift. 
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They say time heals all wounds, but some wounds stay with us, help mold us. If we are lucky, we find someone to open ourselves up to again. But the hurt still pokes out and reminds us of what was.
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sorry for your loss he lives on in your memories & heart as well is w you all always...its very hard to move on w o comparing others to him! I have relatives that have passed on that visit me in different ways it’s always very pleasant & reassuring experience...there definitely is another life/dimension beyond this worlds reality we know so little about! I hope you find peace & meaning again in your life! I have had a lot of death in my life unfortunately. Grief and I know each other. A child is harder to lose than a love most of the time  My brother died when I was 10 and he was 18. That one was disbelief and sadness. I say my son took my breath, I felt I couldn't get air, my husband took me to my knees and I screamed. Every death is different don't you think? I always thought my brother has been my guardian angel. Put myself in situations for a long time that someone was looking out for me. So, yes I believe there is an afterlife and I believe that as agnostic as I am, I believe in a higher power of some kind. I think I will be a wise old bitch and am. I think my purpose is to share it through my writing because I seem to have a knack for it. What do you think?
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They say time heals all wounds, but some wounds stay with us, help mold us. If we are lucky, we find someone to open ourselves up to again. But the hurt still pokes out and reminds us of what was. Very well spoken
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Your tears brought tears to my eyes. I believe that those that have gone on are still with us in some way, shape or form. I'm so sorry for your loss and am heartened by the way you have and are moving through it
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Thought provoking. Three years isn’t that long. Even soulmates not separated by death, but other mundane life circumstances, can still deeply hurt for each other for 2-3 years after separating. When the souls latch together it’s one of the strongest bonds known. This offers up a related question. How many soulmates does one get in an average lifespan? True soulmates. One maybe two?
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Sorry for your loss. You have a nice tribute here for him and your relationship. But we all have losses and need to move on. That is what I believe those who loved us and we loved would want us to to. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Sorry for your loss. You have a nice tribute here for him and your relationship. But we all have losses and need to move on. That is what I believe those who loved us and we loved would want us to to.
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Regarding Addendum: [“I should add that finding someone who has lived as much as I have and tried so much in life, it is hard for a Dom to feel like he can introduce me to something new (in reference to other post) so not sure about likelihood after”] Response: That’s an interesting observation and a great point. So true, that would indeed be a rare circumstance to find. You’d knowingly have to alter your familiar course. Try a different type of person or Dom, or deliberately set a different coordinate and see where it led you. Or have fun altering your submissive perspective and show a new Dom something new. The results might be a new reborn you, on a new adventure.
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So sorry for your loss. I cried the whole time reading your post. Thank you for sharing. 
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You have shared quite a bit about him, a gentleman's gentleman Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Your tears brought tears to my eyes. I believe that those that have gone on are still with us in some way, shape or form. I'm so sorry for your loss and am heartened by the way you have and are moving through it
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Regarding Addendum: [“I should add that finding someone who has lived as much as I have and tried so much in life, it is hard for a Dom to feel like he can introduce me to something new (in reference to other post) so not sure about likelihood after”] Response: That’s an interesting observation and a great point. So true, that would indeed be a rare circumstance to find. You’d knowingly have to alter your familiar course. Try a different type of person or Dom, or deliberately set a different coordinate and see where it led you. Or have fun altering your submissive perspective and show a new Dom something new. The results might be a new reborn you, on a new adventure.
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You have shared quite a bit about him, a gentleman's gentleman
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What a lovely compliment to read  Thank you very much.
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They say divorce is worse than death....yeah, I don't agree. There is a finality to it that leaves you side swiped. I love my tribe, thank you
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