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infinitepoetess 54F
6329 posts
8/14/2022 8:24 am
Shiny Newbie Syndrome



Some Dominants are enticed to bring newbies into the lifestyle every time they meet one. In asking them why, I have found some interesting information to ponder. They find excitement out of this practice in much the same way that parents find joy in watching a explore in wonderment, and how the tiniest occurence makes them struck with that look of glee.

I have been annoyed and perplexed at this practice. I mean, I was once the newbie and had that look of childish innocence too. So, why would I judge anyone doing the same? It is certainly not based in jealousy, as I have many I could choose from. It is based on realistic cynicism and a healthy dose of practicality.

In my experience, bringing someone into the lifestyle is, at best, risky when investing any feelings into it. But, downright frustrating at times due to their limited experience and knowledge. By all accounts, it is way more work. That is fine if you have plenty of time and energy, but most of us don;t. We live busy lives. Beyond that, is whether they will stay the course once you've invested time and energy. Or whether they have the strength of will to see it through.
Perhaps some should remember that initial attraction should never be the reason to invest in a sinking ship, for that fades with time anyway...

Lastly, people that have shiny new syndrome are never satisfied with long term. Look up shiny new syndrome and relationships, and you shall find a lot of information on the psychology of what this does to relationships.

Just my two cents...

Song for this post
Brand New Key - Melanie



infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 8:25 am

I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out, you see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I ride my bike, I roller skate, don't drive no car
Don't go too fast but I go pretty far
For somebody who don't drive, I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl
I asked your mother if you were at home
She said yes, but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone but you've got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out, you see
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key


Darkstar6469 71M
129 posts
8/14/2022 9:01 am

Good post and a good song.


dontehub1 34M
39 posts
8/14/2022 9:07 am

You can consider the time invested is necessary for others to evolve and discover themselves


ridermantel 68M

8/14/2022 9:10 am

Syndrome is an interesting word. To me it implies patterns that have been around for a while or are slowly creeping into areas that are something we focus on or are concerned with.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:14 am

    Quoting dontehub1:
    You can consider the time invested is necessary for others to evolve and discover themselves
Most Doms that have this syndrome do it to excess, and when you are young as you are, this is normal. But the average age of my readers is higher and more experience under their belt. If it is enticing over and over, then yes you fit the description, if not then you dont


drmgirl622 68F  
26171 posts
8/14/2022 9:41 am

I know I had that syndrome and thankfully there have been Dommes that found the time to invest in me. I thank them for getting me to where I am today.


rondiri 65M
11197 posts
8/14/2022 10:17 am

It does take a lot of time and patience to guide a newbie along. But then again, that is what a Dominant should invest in any submissive. Time and patience. There is always the risk of losing a newbie for a multitude of reasons, but that's a risk with any relationship, no matter how long or well you vett. I've had a very experienced slave, and then there's my current slave with more to learn. Both have or had their challenges. I think I would enjoy a novice. Trying new things, teaching and guiding from scratch.
Then again, I was a retail manager. I enjoyed training new hires, including management trainees. So it's sort of ingrained in me. Taking that raw material and then seeing the finished product, even if they go on to what they consider bigger and better things. I still had that pride in seeing what I accomplished and helping them to grow.


bdsmDOMdaddy 61M
4216 posts
8/14/2022 10:25 am

agreed why l don’t mess w newbies & their flighty ways thou l understand & can see their wanting to corrupt others as a ego boost for themselves also any relationship requires time invested from both partys for it to work!


marshamay 36F
5973 posts
8/14/2022 11:03 am

When the new wears off, they look for a new shiny toy. Starts when they're two years old, never ends.


tradecode666 62M
98 posts
8/14/2022 11:51 am

i am a complete newbie to the world of bdsm, unless of course you were to ask my exwives about this, and they would just giggle and tell you that i am an old hand at this thing.

my first wife, for example, if i would try to enter thru the back door... oh no, that wasnt happening, she let out the highest pitch piig squeal that you can imagine... she was so relieved when i would thru the front door.

after we had been separated for years, my first wife told me that she would intentionally piss me off so that i would get upset and drag her by her hair into the bedroom and steal that pussy from her.

i really never understood that she played me like that.

oh well.


rosaenaluin 65F
11075 posts
8/14/2022 1:16 pm

I like to know and understand, this.
I have known some dominants, who have this syndrome.
I think it is also about them needing? or longing for the admiration, of the newbie....?

I could never understand that kind of behaviour... now i do, a bit ...
I think it is also about the rush, everytime... with the newbie...
Like an addiction?


hardtop4you 65M

8/14/2022 1:43 pm

Pleasure comes from
illusion . . But happiness
can only come from
reality . . Never confuse
being loved an needed
with being used . .


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7021 posts
8/14/2022 2:42 pm

A few of us practice a form of the lifestyle that delivers gratification as well as discipline and downplays sadism. It doesn't require newness, but neither does it reject it. The brand new key just opens a world of pleasure, something we all need and get too little of.


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:00 pm

    Quoting Dreamcatcher__:
    A few of us practice a form of the lifestyle that delivers gratification as well as discipline and downplays sadism. It doesn't require newness, but neither does it reject it. The brand new key just opens a world of pleasure, something we all need and get too little of.
Ok I can see that point for sure. Thank you for a redefinition to think about and ponder on


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:01 pm

    Quoting  :

Very Interesting Thank you


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:02 pm

    Quoting hardtop4you:
    Pleasure comes from
    illusion . . But happiness
    can only come from
    reality . . Never confuse
    being loved an needed
    with being used . .
Extremely intriguing answer....I am going to ponder that thought for a while


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:03 pm

    Quoting rosaenaluin:
    I like to know and understand, this.
    I have known some dominants, who have this syndrome.
    I think it is also about them needing? or longing for the admiration, of the newbie....?

    I could never understand that kind of behaviour... now i do, a bit ...
    I think it is also about the rush, everytime... with the newbie...
    Like an addiction?
Clearly when it is a syndrome based in childhood trauma or issues, then I would think yes. Everything you said


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:04 pm

    Quoting tradecode666:
    i am a complete newbie to the world of bdsm, unless of course you were to ask my exwives about this, and they would just giggle and tell you that i am an old hand at this thing.

    my first wife, for example, if i would try to enter thru the back door... oh no, that wasnt happening, she let out the highest pitch piig squeal that you can imagine... she was so relieved when i would thru the front door.

    after we had been separated for years, my first wife told me that she would intentionally piss me off so that i would get upset and drag her by her hair into the bedroom and steal that pussy from her.

    i really never understood that she played me like that.

    oh well.
You have a long journey ahead and things will become clearer if you do it right. I would ask a Dom to be a mentor for a time. It is the way of old school and it works


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:05 pm

    Quoting marshamay:
    When the new wears off, they look for a new shiny toy. Starts when they're two years old, never ends.
Yes indeed when it is a syndrome and compulsive absolutely


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:05 pm

    Quoting bdsmDOMdaddy:
    agreed why l don’t mess w newbies & their flighty ways thou l understand & can see their wanting to corrupt others as a ego boost for themselves also any relationship requires time invested from both partys for it to work!


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:08 pm

    Quoting rondiri:
    It does take a lot of time and patience to guide a newbie along. But then again, that is what a Dominant should invest in any submissive. Time and patience. There is always the risk of losing a newbie for a multitude of reasons, but that's a risk with any relationship, no matter how long or well you vett. I've had a very experienced slave, and then there's my current slave with more to learn. Both have or had their challenges. I think I would enjoy a novice. Trying new things, teaching and guiding from scratch.
    Then again, I was a retail manager. I enjoyed training new hires, including management trainees. So it's sort of ingrained in me. Taking that raw material and then seeing the finished product, even if they go on to what they consider bigger and better things. I still had that pride in seeing what I accomplished and helping them to grow.
I understand more than you think as I am a master hair colorist stylist and train assistants. Their brains are like sponges when new.....however, at some point you become the old bag of tricks and their desire to learn their options likely will outweigh their devotion, and that is normal too


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:08 pm

    Quoting drmgirl622:
    I know I had that syndrome and thankfully there have been Dommes that found the time to invest in me. I thank them for getting me to where I am today.
Note there were multiple due to your shiny new thing syndrome


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:09 pm

    Quoting ridermantel:
    Syndrome is an interesting word. To me it implies patterns that have been around for a while or are slowly creeping into areas that are something we focus on or are concerned with.
Yes exactly


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
8/14/2022 9:09 pm

Thank you


Formature121 35M
22 posts
8/14/2022 11:06 pm

Nothing wrong with being a newbie right?



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