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Black Widowess  The term Black Widow is used in conjunction with a female who has more than one spouse/partner die. As of a week ago Wednesday, I am now a member of that club. The call came at 9 am from a friend "Nikki, um, they think Quinn is dead" "What!? Oh my god...oh my god" Tears started streaming down my face instantly "Let me find out details I;ll call back shortly" "I sat there absorbing and my phone began ringing and dinging with everyone I knew trying to tell me. I just sat and watched the calls waiting for Xavier to call back. Finally, it was him on the line "Hello" I gasped into the phone "Yes, it is him Nikki, I'm just so sorry. He was at Rodney's house cause he was drunk and Rodney didn't want him driving. He fell asleep on the couch and they awoke to him dead" "Holy shit Xavier"Tears pouring down my face "Thank you for calling me I have to call his sister" Yes we had been broken up for only a couple months. I was trying to sort it all out as the phone rang. When she picked up, I asked her to sit down before giving her the tragic news. Her wails were equal to mine when my husband passed. I listened, not saying much until she stopped. "I'll let you know anything I hear. I have to get dressed and go tell some people who can help. I'll meet you when you fly in" I assured her and hung up the phone. That moment was one of chaos in my brain, memories flashing like a slide show. It took a few hours to absorb and then it dawned on me... Tim Adam and now Quinn? Who has that many lovers/partners die in 4 short years time?? It's been a hell of a week with autopsies, family, funeral arrangements, memorial parties, hundeds of people who have called, texted, come up to me to express their condolences. It exhausts me truly. I want to comfort them but I am dead inside. Overwrought...worried to ever love again... Isolation feels safer for myself and everyone around me Perhaps I should affix a warning label to my forehead Black Widowess Beware! Song for this post Take Me to The Church - Hozier |
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Very sad. My condolences.
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I am so sorry.
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Very Sorry! Do not worry, you are not a "Black Widow". A Black widow murders their husbands/boyfriends.
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My condolences dear at least he didnt go painfully and or during sex that is always something odd to explain....... John
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My condolences who all who cared for these fellows.. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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i'm sorry for your loss and for those who loved him as well.
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There are no right words at a time like this......my condolences.
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my deep sympathy & condolences to you l understand how you must feel but...poop happens! they were as blessed to have had you in their lives as you were them!
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my condolences.
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I am so very sorry to hear this. You certainly seem to be having a few tough years recently. Thinking of you, big hugs from England.
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sorry for your loss...
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No Widow's walk for you. There is finality. So sorry.
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Very Sorry! Do not worry, you are not a "Black Widow". A Black widow murders their husbands/boyfriends.
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My condolences dear at least he didnt go painfully and or during sex that is always something odd to explain....... John
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My condolences who all who cared for these fellows..
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i'm sorry for your loss and for those who loved him as well.
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There are no right words at a time like this......my condolences.
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my deep sympathy & condolences to you l understand how you must feel but...poop happens! they were as blessed to have had you in their lives as you were them!
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my condolences.
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I am so very sorry to hear this. You certainly seem to be having a few tough years recently. Thinking of you, big hugs from England.
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No Widow's walk for you. There is finality. So sorry. 
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You have my sympathy, Nikki, for your recent loss. Go ahead and grieve, but do not burden yourself with unwarranted guilt and self-loathing for believing that you are somehow to blame for the deaths of TIm, Adam, and, now, Quinn because of some sort of curse you unwittingly put on them, simply by virtue of the intimate relationships you separately, but consecutively, shared with each of them over a total four year span. There is no reason to confect any mysterious or nefarious association, connection, or spell, between you and these three men that might have led to (or hastened) their deaths. Your love for them should only ever be acknowledged and accepted by you as having been guiltless, blameless, faithful, pure, and true. Their deaths can only be labeled, acts of God.
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7/7/2023 2:42 am |
There are no words - my condolences
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