Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

infinitepoetess 54F
6332 posts
7/25/2023 1:28 pm
The Art of Being Perfect




“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better."
Theodore Roosevelt


I have written posts, comments, and verbally conversed the point to people, for years.... Words are tools, which can be used as: helpful, encouraging, empowering, the calm in the storm, or weapons of mass destruction.
Read that again
And again
Once a word is out there, it can't be erased.

Doms say repeatedly, "You have two ears for listening and only one mouth, because, you should listen more than you speak" Sure, OK. I see that in most circumstances, but not always is he/she right. I mean, who is their check and balance, whenever they are wrong? And should he/she, in the heat of the moment, be absolved of going too far, and saying words that inflict great harm, just because they are Master/Mistress?

No

The number one priority of an owner, is to protect their submissive on a physical, and emotional level. Over critical domination is just domineering, dressed up to hide its insidious effect. You are supposed to build your submissive up, after they have humbled themselves in your honor, not leave them stranded. To do otherwise would be cruel.

“I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery


You know when you're being overtly critical, right? Wrong.
Most critical people do not realize it.
The following are typical justifications:
1.That's just the way I am, take it or leave it.
2. I'll be damned if anyone is going to psychoanalyze me
3. They (sub) shouldn't try to manipulate me with their emotions
4. She/he starts it, so I finish it.
5. They were disrespectful

The ideal would be that the Dom would also use his/her ears more than their mouth. They would think to the consequence of their words and actions. They would remain positive influences, and not negative criticizer. Constant criticism will breed nothing more than resentment. You better learn how to compliment twice before a criticism befalls your lips.

“When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.”
Judith Martin


Dom 101: Listen up, you fly by night kinksters, this isn't about sex. BDSM is so much deeper than your orgasm. If you don't understand every tool and word has psychological impact as well, then fuck right off. Go back to the beginning, do not pass GO

Song for this post
Fuckin' Perfect - Pink



infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 1:29 pm

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss knowing it's all good, it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me
You're so mean (you're so mean)
When you talk (when you talk)
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices (change the voices)
In your head (in your head)
Make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same, oh
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me
The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try, try, try
But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that?
Why do I do that?
Yeah, oh, oh pretty, pretty please
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me, yeah
You're perfect, you're perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me


SADaddy60 63M
1 post
7/25/2023 1:56 pm

Perfect! Thank you.


bdsmDOMdaddy 61M
4120 posts
7/25/2023 2:20 pm

good post agreed words are very powerful
a D/s bond is a very intense connection mentally physically seXually spiritually
everybody needs to listen up...hear compute understand listen let it resonate


meltwill2 72M  
3792 posts
7/25/2023 2:52 pm

Yep....well said.....


drmgirl622 68F  
26062 posts
7/25/2023 3:06 pm

I just love Pink!


fantasytony 73M
48 posts
7/25/2023 3:14 pm

Nicely said.......

The fun part for me as a Dominant is being "emotionally manipulated" by my submissive. It is amazing, at times, to realize the degree of emotional control the submissive has over the Dominant.

I take the words inside me and mull them over and formulate a new kink or a new direction and find a way to keep the excitement and intensity real.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.


BounD2capitulate 76M
117 posts
7/25/2023 3:36 pm

Your points are well-taken, IP. A must-read for Doms, especially the sex-driven "fly by night kinksters." Everyone claiming to be masterful & perfect, needs to prioritize LISTENING and to stop with their narcissistic & captious ranting, critiquing, and filibustering...even if it might seem, at times--however idealistically & counterintuitively--, that it could ONLY take some applied restraints and an administered ball-gag, by a dismayed, fed-up, & vindictive sub to do it properly. Since that
is clearly an unrealistic prospect, the good quiet introspective listeners among us can only be left to hope that blog posts such as this one get read and taken to heart by ALL readers, the thoughtfully reflective & taciturn, AS WELL AS, the interminably loquacious, bullying, & fault-finding "know-it-alls."


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 4:54 pm

Thank you for reading


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 4:55 pm

    Quoting bdsmDOMdaddy:
    good post agreed words are very powerful
    a D/s bond is a very intense connection mentally physically seXually spiritually
    everybody needs to listen up...hear compute understand listen let it resonate
Thank you very much for responding and reading


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 4:55 pm

Me too girl


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 4:56 pm

Thank you


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 4:56 pm

    Quoting fantasytony:
    Nicely said.......

    The fun part for me as a Dominant is being "emotionally manipulated" by my submissive. It is amazing, at times, to realize the degree of emotional control the submissive has over the Dominant.

    I take the words inside me and mull them over and formulate a new kink or a new direction and find a way to keep the excitement and intensity real.

    And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love this perspective. Nice


infinitepoetess 54F
3499 posts
7/25/2023 5:00 pm

    Quoting BounD2capitulate:
    Your points are well-taken, IP. A must-read for Doms, especially the sex-driven "fly by night kinksters." Everyone claiming to be masterful & perfect, needs to prioritize LISTENING and to stop with their narcissistic & captious ranting, critiquing, and filibustering...even if it might seem, at times--however idealistically & counterintuitively--, that it could ONLY take some applied restraints and an administered ball-gag, by a dismayed, fed-up, & vindictive sub to do it properly. Since that
    is clearly an unrealistic prospect, the good quiet introspective listeners among us can only be left to hope that blog posts such as this one get read and taken to heart by ALL readers, the thoughtfully reflective & taciturn, AS WELL AS, the interminably loquacious, bullying, & fault-finding "know-it-alls."
Thank you


Dave54321 61M
2712 posts
7/25/2023 6:00 pm

When I started out in engineering I was told there was no such thing as perfection.
Only the acuracy with which you measure something.
(For instace: you measure something with a rule you might say it's exactly an inch
long. But measure it with a micrometer & you might find it's longer than an inch, by
5 thousands of an inch.)

No human is perfect at anything. If you were perfect you couldn't improve.
We shouldn't aim to be perfect. We should aim to be continually improving.
(Although some maybe so good at something, that they may appear perfect to those
of us with lesser skills!)

In terms of the lifestyle, I would say that it isn't only the sub who should be seeking
to improve, but also the Dom. The problem with that is they would have to be very
good at self assessing themselves. People in general,who tend to over critical of others
often seem blind to their own short comings.

Doms may like to use the saying about having two ears & one mouth, but it was
originally intended for all of us. There are times when we should all talk less & listen
more. Importantly we should also think about what we've learnt through that listening
and act on those lessons. As you indeed said.

But many on here are not Doms in the true lifestyle sense. They are just using the term
to try & get what they want, without due regard for the subs needs.
That is to say they might be termed, "Selfish Bastards".


aliljaded 53F
8915 posts
7/26/2023 2:59 am

Thanks for sharing this brilliant piece. I would 150% agree with your statements. Especially, this one:
"Words are tools, which can be used as helpful, encouraging, empowering, the calm in the storm, or weapons of mass destruction".

I also love the last quote.

I hope you are well.xx

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


JohnnyLightning 65M  
9648 posts
7/27/2023 11:28 am

Nice post.

Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.


Artschoolgrad 46M
8686 posts
9/29/2023 6:23 am

this is awesome


NCDaddySadist 61M  
19 posts
2/20/2024 8:11 pm

My submissive will have attributes that I don't possess. How foolish it would be not to use someone's thought and input. Someone's perspective and ideas. Very refreshing.


NCDaddySadist 61M  
19 posts
3/29/2024 7:34 pm

Imagine a piece of paper representing a lifestyle dynamic. Tear off one small corner, and that's the whips and chains. The rest of the paper is the dynamic.



Become a member to comment on this blog