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Self praise... I found myself an emotional, spiraling, lonely mess and he found himself bewildered, confused and at a loss as to how to fix a situation life had deemed unfixable. Spanking couldn't fix it, more talking couldn't fix it, and pretending it didn't exist couldn't fix it. I found myself crying myself to sleep (if I slept at all) out of sheer loneliness more nights than not, alternately clinging to his familiar strength and stability and spitefully pushing him away, and desperately seeking something that I couldn't name, put my finger on or explain. I masked much of my own pain, trying to shield him from the sheer weight of it. Little did I know, the "leakages" of frustration, anger and confusion affected him more than I knew. My fluctuating sense of distance and desire confused and pained him more than anything else and he, like I, craved the pure, simple<b> dominance and submission </font></b>we once had shared. Things were perfect, then, and our lives intertwined and enmeshed in a gorgeous, beautiful way that we both took for granted at the time. |
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