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Self praise... I found myself an emotional, spiraling, lonely mess and he found himself bewildered, confused and at a loss as to how to fix a situation life had deemed unfixable. Spanking couldn't fix it, more talking couldn't fix it, and pretending it didn't exist couldn't fix it. I found myself crying myself to sleep (if I slept at all) out of sheer loneliness more nights than not, alternately clinging to his familiar strength and stability and spitefully pushing him away, and desperately seeking something that I couldn't name, put my finger on or explain. I masked much of my own pain, trying to shield him from the sheer weight of it. Little did I know, the "leakages" of frustration, anger and confusion affected him more than I knew. My fluctuating sense of distance and desire confused and pained him more than anything else and he, like I, craved the pure, simple dominance and submission we once had shared. Things were perfect, then, and our lives intertwined and enmeshed in a gorgeous, beautiful way that we both took for granted at the time. |
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