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On therapy I broke up with my therapist today. I don't know that I have much more to say on the subject than that, but I wanted to acknowledge it. There were a few reasons for it, and in some ways it was past time. I knew when we began, almost a year ago, that she didn't really know anything about kink, but she seemed, at least until we began to talk about it, as open minded as one could expect from someone with so little existing knowledge. We hadn't really talked about it until recently because kink isn't a problem with which I struggle particularly. There were plenty of other things - most significantly, my dad - that I wanted to work through. But having really come to a better place with that history now, there was little else to do, but turn to the other unresolved issues of my life: sexual assault when I was 19 and nearly dying in a motorbike accident four and a half years ago. Neither properly dealt with at the time or since, although I've certainly spoken about each before in some ways. When I had the accident, my noted that the similarity between the - the sudden and violent demonstration of my inability control what happens my body - may cause each feel more intense. Of course she was right. But this connection means that I can't talk about either without also thinking about the other. And, as I explained in my previous post, being assaulted was what happened the first time I met someone from the internet with a specifically kink-related agenda. And so, I found myself trying explain it all my, very straight laced, rather naive, therapist, and she, of course, inevitably, concluded that it is the kink that is the problem. After several attempts convince her otherwise, I have found that I don't really want talk her about these things any more, and as I don't really have anything else worth talking a therapist about, we have come the end of the road. Perhaps I will pick these up with a kink-aware therapist in the future one day. Of course I realise that I could do that now, but one of the things that made this therapist appealing was that she was, when we began, still a trainee, and therefore offered a much reduced rate. I loathe the idea that you get what you for (an entirely untrue and Capitalist myth that makes us judge each other and ourselves on the basis of exchange value rather than on our merits) and there are plenty of qualified and experienced therapists who are bubbling over with judgement about kin But, entirely reasonably, the majority of therapists, and therefore also the majority of kink-aware and kink-friendly therapists, are out of my budget, and therefore, no matter how much it may help, seeing another therapist isn't really an option at the moment. I'm not sure that beginning see another therapist right now - global pandemic and all - is sensible anyway. Besides, there is always the extraordinary wisdom of the people of the internet see through. This is meant both sarcastically and genuinely. 'That guy', after all, is everywhere, but so are those with thoughtful and empathetic insight. I am feeling a little fragile at the moment. This makes me want both be looked after and be entirely destroyed. Fortunately, the internet is able provide avenues both. It's a relief not feel like I ought try explain that my therapist. |
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6/20/2020 6:35 am |
When my first marriage was disintegrating (in large part because I wanted to explore increasingly kinky sex and she didn’t), I had 10 or 12 therapy sessions, but I’m afraid they didn’t help at all. My therapist always seemed to have his own agenda, which didn’t seem to address my issues - but maybe that was my issue! Anyway, I feel good about myself now, ( kinks an’ all!), and feel no need to ever see another one. I’m with theDesiderata on this one. Self help can be very powerful if you can feel positive about yourself (fuck the others!)
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big hug. it sounds like you made the right decision.
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sending you positive thoughts and if you ever need someone to chat to you know where I am doll PSUK " Its better to burn out than fade away "
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All perversion is progressive, and seldom is the plateau of personal satisfaction ever reached, thereby. Took me a long time to learn that! One of the most beautiful things that I have ever read in the form of poetry, philosophy, is the Desiderata. I leave you with what I consider the most meaningful paragraphs and final words of that . . . “Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” “Strive to be happy.” “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.”
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Help is on the way! psychiatry_lucy_offcard_x800.jpg
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5/23/2020 6:07 pm |
Maybe it's not a therapist you need after all. Perhaps you need a strong dominant that would guide and nurture you instead of abuse you for his own use. The mightiest oak was once fragile. I think you've taken your first step to being in control of your life by realizing it's time to take another road and move on. Life is tough and everything in it may try to kill you at some point, but life can be wondrous. I think you just need a little direction and focus. Put a sexual partner aside for the moment and concentrate on getting your life together first. You're fixable so be confident. The kink is something separate in your life. I'm sure it serves a necessary base and purpose to you as it does to me, but we are more than just that. You can get control of your life ( as much as anyone can control their life ) Set small objectives for yourself. If you fail at something then that's something to learn from and it's only one way that doesnt work. There is always another way. You have a lot of history to face, but there is no obstacle that cant be overcome. I'm proof of that. If any of what I said makes sense to you. Say so and we'll talk farther, or just continue with the path you're on. You're at a fork in the road. It's time to think.
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i am in therapy now for the first time in many years . i am fortunate in that my health insurance pays 70% of the fee, which is considerable many cities have therapists who are providing their services for free during the pandemic when referred through a public agency. my therapist is one of those people. it's worth looking into it to see if anybody is doing pro bono work in your area, at least during the pandemic. also, should you begin therapy again, there is nothing wrong with "shopping" for the right therapist, explaining the kink bit in your first meeting and gauging interest and acceptance. move on if the vibes are not right. a surprising number of therapists also have sliding scales, meaning that their fees are negotiable based on your ability to pay. my advice would be to look for an LGBT-friendly therapist. these folks are usually the ones who are very accepting of kink and what is euphemistically referred to as "alternative lifestyles" (even if same sex partnering is not on the agenda). also, my observation of being in therapy is that it is actually not much different than having a running dialogue with close friends. try to develop and maintain your friendships and speak with your besties as often as possible. the only thing therapists offer on top of that is an objectivity that your friends lack and, of course, they are specially trained in cognitive techniques to (hopefully) bring you closer to your true self. it is different than having a conversation with your friends, but both are valuable resources.
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I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. This pandemic can put a dark cloud over our heads if we let it. When I was 22 I was in a motorcycle accident that was life changing. I had an out-of-body experience which was remarkable. the accident itself took out one of my knees and live with pain for almost 40 years. I had a total knee replacement and bilateral hip replacements. Mind Over Matter can be very powerful. I'm grateful to be alive one day at a time. There were a couple of times there was major thefts and that made me feel violated and raw. I know that the two aren't even comparable to your experience. I'm sure that you will find a therapist that's a good fit for you. I'm sending you a virtual hug. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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