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I guess this is what they mean by solo poly? I woke this morning with the realisation that (impending virus/political/climate apocalypse notwithstanding) I am actually living my best life. A few years ago I set out an idea for the kind of life I really wanted: a calm, comfortable, secure space of my own; fulfilling, but not overwhelming work; fun engaging hobbies; and a delightful variety of people with whom I could spend time, pursuing both sex and non-sex related activities, without a commitment building a life together. The person I told about it (for understandable reasons at the time) told me it was an impossible fantasy. Yet, here I am living it. Seems like it's happened partially by design, but primarily by accident. The enforced isolation of the lockdown was tough because I just wasn't used to being on my own, not really. I split with my last primary partner mid-February, so just before the lockdown started. Under normal circumstances, it's likely that I would have sought out someone new take that place in my life. I say that not because I wanted someone particularly, but rather because I know myself. I have previously found being without a primary partner extremely difficult. I don't regret any of the relationships I have been in, but I was definitely always motivated find someone be with in that kind of way, without really considering if it was something I wanted particularly. Even once I'd realised that poly works a lot better for me than monogamy, the fear of being alone, rather than the desire be with someone in particular, motivated me pursue closely entangled primary relationships. Which is not at say that I didn't really want be with the people with whom I have been in those kinds of relationships. I just never considered if something other than being primary partners might work better for us, and that was because I was afraid be my own. These months of being unable go out and meet people interrupted my usual pattern though. So now I've been without a primary partner for getting for 6 months, which is the longest I have been alone in my whole adult life, and seriously, I've never been happier. Obviously the virus is awful and I wish it weren't a thing. But I feel really tremendously grateful that it has forced me learn how be alone. Don't get wrong, I'm super super happy be able see and talk people again now, but I feel kind of liberated not feel the urgent need for a partner that was definitely a feature of my life before now. Just for clarity, I am, always interested in having more beautiful filthy people in my life; just in discrete doses. 😘 |
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I totally understand and find it interesting that despite the terrible impact of the virus there is yet some good that can come from it all. I simply hope that the opportunity to seize upon the "good" is not squandered. I'm pleased that dd is able to embrace and enjoy her new normal ...
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Interesting how this virus makes you discover something of yourself you never expected. I understand your dream life...there should be plenty of time for your hobbies, some money to buy food, shelter and sex toys  , but a relaxed life is so important... And i am with you on poly. Life is too short for monogamy !
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