Blog : I was not abused

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9/1/2020 2:42 am

I was not abused

A couple people have asked me if I think being molested by my biological father when I was young and throughout my childhood was damaging and I tell them I don’t feel like it was. I mean I get that some of my insecurities and sexual desires might stem from it but I don’t think it’s led me down terrible roads of self destruction or anything like that. I’ve never been a drinker, don’t use drugs, have never been into self harming and have never been pregnant. Those are just some of the typical pitfalls I think of when you talk about growing up female.

Up until I met Daddy I did choose boyfriends based solely on their physical desire for me. I didn’t want a guy that was smart or rich I wanted one that would tell me I was pretty and show me I was desirable by wanting lots of sex and touching. It was misguided but not desperate so maybe I just got lucky and didn’t get hooked up with too many true scumbags. The last boyfriend I had right before I met Daddy was selling me to his friends for cigarettes and stuff so there’s a chance I was headed down a darker path but we’ll never know. I am safe and happy now which is all I really want to be.

Having my biological father molest me and eventually digitally penetrate me wasn’t something that scarred me it helped me get through childhood. The love I was shown might have been deemed inappropriate by society but it wasn’t received that way. Sometimes people look upon an act and judge it but not based on intentions. I think if my biological dad had seen I was not handling it well he would have stopped but he could tell I liked it just like he could tell my sister really didn’t like it. So like a good dad he stopped touching her nearly as much and brought all that attention and stimulation to me. I loved it and had I known more about sex I probably would have wanted him to stuff more than a finger or two inside of me.

For me the experience didn’t ruin me it helped me but the circumstances had to be what they were for it to turn out that way. It could have and probably should have been much worse. Though I grew to dislike my biological father immensely and we are now estranged I still love the way he raised me. His hands all over my body were sometimes the only good part of the day.


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