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Ragging Storm It sucks when you can not put your thoughts down. When what your thinking, there are no words to express. When the silence you once enjoyed becomes a sound that you dread. When what you think you would enjoy, now becomes the nightmares that disturb your sleep. I know we all go through times in our lives when things just don't seem to go as we had planned. I know that I am not any different than others, but when we are in the mist of the storm, it just seems we are that lonely ship in the big vast ocean and the waves are mightier and scarier than any other. I know this will pass,,,there have been many storms, and I'm sure there will be many more in this lifetime. But, I do realize in the middle of these storms, how alone I really am, and that makes me sad. I realize that the lonliness is bigger and colder than I realized. I have many virtual friends, I have many that offer comforting words and many virtual hugs...and I do appreciate these very much, but sometimes,,,especially during one of my storms, I wish for more. You know what the worst part is? I wish for what I won't allow to happen. I keep everyone at a distance. I keep them at arms length away. Its safer, its not so painful when they disappoint me, or when I disappoint them. I am not sure I even have it in me, to let someone in, really in. I always find a way to push them away, or excuse for why they left. I know its okay to not always be perfect,,that being vunerable is hard. Thank you for being a virtual friend. Thank you for your attemp at being a friend to me. And again, I am sure that this storm will settle and my journey will continue on. ~hush |
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