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I feel like it's time to get rid of the old, to make space for, just maybe, something new...
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I've never had to extricate myself from that situation, but I know how hard it is to handle things that belonged to someone you loved when they are no longer there - it is a constant, re-opening wound. Things are things. What count are memories and people. Things can be disposed of; sold, given away or dumped. Never let the detritus from a failed love obstruct the pathway to new happiness - bins are empied regularly; even in Serbia! Hope we get that drink before too long. Vienna is currently "normal" - I hope 22 will be a vintage year for you.
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ex you can send me the box and i will dispose of it for you.
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I'd try to contribute something to the conversation, but your photo has mesmerized me and caused a huge lump to form in my throat ... How did you know I'm a huge fan of legs and bare feet?  You are simply delicious! Make Women Female Again
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1/9/2022 9:52 am |
I know exactly what to do. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Everything. Burn it if you can. Finalize and close that door. Turn your back to the past and look to the future. bury yourself in a project if you have to. Get your mind off him and focus. Focus your energy and thoughts in one direction. Remember if he left you or made thing so that you had to leave him. He wasn't worthy to have you. You're not something to be discarded. You're someones treasure. You just don't know it yet. Trust me I know what I'm talking about. All that stuff is holding you back. You can't have yesterday, but you can have tomorrow. Tomorrow brings not only a new day, but new opportunities.
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1/9/2022 9:52 am |
by the way. You have sexy legs.
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You know, I have those remnants of what you speak. For awhile they just brought so much pain that I just knew my heart would fail right on the spot. Time and a new relationship has allowed me to look back at that which was good about the whole encounter. I look at those items now with a fondness and have no real desire to dispose of them, they were part of me and that's what is the important lesson that has filled my soul.
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Once I am in the place where if it means nothing further, I dispose of the things. Send back, donate, toss, give to someone who'd enjoy it... all depending on the item. Getting rid of things that do not bring me any joy is a priority for me anymore. And your last comment hit on a very good point... freeing up space for something new.  Ars longa, vita brevis - Art is long, life is short  
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Get rid of the whole lot. Otherwise it will always tie you to him in some way and you are too good for that. The future is all the matters
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We all have a tendency to try to hold onto what we once had and felt was the best in our life (and sometimes even things that were not so great). But the only thing in life that is really constant, is the fact that it constantly changes. Try to let go of those feelings. Treasure good ones in a little corner of your heart, let the other fly away and yes if disposing of those memorabilia helps with that, then consider that too. Another person doesn't suddenly be a bad person just because there were some problems that caused a drift, just as much as he wasn't the perfect person that we may have visualized in them. They are people with good and bad sides just as everybody else, who we meet on our path of life, sometimes we go together for a while on that path, and then there is a branching in the path and each has to go his own way again. It doesn't take away from what we experienced and learned together when we shared the same path. The only thing that changes is how we look at things, and the nice thing about this is that we can decide how we let that change happen.
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Given that I come from a family where every item had an emotional memory attached to it, it's taken me a long time to learn how to part with things. However, it becomes easier if you can find "the right home" for things. Just this past year, I decided to give away some holiday items - including some of my own and some that had had been given to me by a cruel ex-gf - to a colleague with grandchildren who could - and did - appreciate them. She and her family can enjoy them free of any of my emotional baggage. Parenthetically, if you are of course referring to those lovely set of slave bracelets and collar, finding "the right home" may not be so easy.
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I guess I see things a bit differently Ex... If you are over him and don't feel anything anymore, I don't see the harm in keeping things that mean something to you.. Whether they were given to you by him or not... What if he had died? Would you have just discarded everything he gave you?? I totally get moving on... But I also don't see what's wrong with memories... Just saying...  ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~
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Just sell it off. Use the funds to give to a charity of your choice. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Life changes. Moving on is hard. Feelings of confusion, the same as when you were young. I would look though the box. 1 minute per day. Keep what you like. Discard the rest. Sleep tight at night, know there is another that will love you and treat you better. Dave
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I think it's good that you can let go of specific items that are a direct reminder of an ex and the relationship, its really about you and how those items make you feel, for better or worse to keep or get rid of.
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Ex I can feel your pain! I too would get rid of what causes me discomfort... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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I've been roaming through your posts and I feel like I'm relating to so much you have gone through lately. At the end of my fifteen-year relationship with my dominant, I was so lost. I too packed up our remains into the "box" that we used to take out every time we were intimate. I didn't know what to do with all the things that I held so dear. So, I put them away and didn't look at that box for about six years. I physically couldn't stomach it. Then came a day when I wanted to see those things again. Smell the leather. Touch the things that had touched me so deeply. I went through the box and made peace with the fact that it was really over. I took it to the trash bin outside and threw it away. I remembered a quote I heard "Everything ends badly or it wouldn't end" I hope you find the peace you are looking for. Warmest Regards, ~M "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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