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It rarely happens… …that someone ghosts, cheat, deceit, betray... just out of the blue. Maybe it is how it looks to us, but in my humble opinion, that is not the case. I believe it happens at the moment they decide that someone else is a better catch than we are. This obviously implies the sad fact that we were not the only ones they had in consideration (remember that ugly status “under consideration”?), only no one told us it is what our status in their life is. They have been searching, chatting, or whatever else doing with whoever else at the same time. Why someone is a better catch is something we can debate about, most of the time it is about deciding we are too much trouble for them, and handling someone else will be easier, they are closer, easier to meet, easier to control, more obedient and more willing, I would say less demanding, less “complicated” in the widest sense of the meaning of that word. We are most of the time devastated when it happens, having zillion questions, and only self-doubts, trying to realize what we did wrong, what we could have done better, different, etc. I understand that. Been there, done that. How long will the agony last? Read somewhere it lasts approximately as long as the “good” times lasted. I also believe there are always signs. No one is that perfect in hiding their true intentions and nature. Signs are there, tiny, very subtle signs showing how much someone is genuinely into us. I understand that most of the time we won’t see them, or recognize them as such, being focused on doing our best to make that relationship work, we simply don’t expect the other side isn’t doing the same. Yet, not all the time, unfortunately. It is in those subtle acts of caring, patience, consideration, being protective, being consistent, being reliable, or lack of those … Those are not big things. It is always about tiny subtle signs that will make us feel that something is not all right. Most of the time we ignore them, or find excuses for them, thinking it is us who are making the elephant out of a mosquito, that our previous experiences make us too sensitive and/or suspicious. It is okay when someone doesn’t like us enough to be in a relationship with us, when someone realizes we don’t match their needs, wants, or else… we can’t be good for everyone, and vice versa. But if the intention was genuine, and the time spent getting to know each other was true, there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect and vanishing as you have never been there. It is why I believe that ghosting, cheating, and betrayals... happen in most cases when there is a backup plan, and it has been decided that someone else in that plan is a better choice than we are. Instead of moaning, grief, self-doubts… which are all normal responses to any loss including this kind, and I understand them completely, I think that we should be grateful, we really do… as they did us a favour by removing from our lives someone irresponsible and inconsiderate as they are. Thank them all and FEA...  |
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Song for the background: Lily Allen- Fuck You (Very Much) 
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8/25/2022 10:14 am |
I love this.
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I do know that grief but she truly did me a favor which I am now finally able to see.
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ETOH can play a part in action and judgement calls in some cases. I have known women who made a play at another woman's man just to get back at the woman... waited for the right time... Think it can go both ways...
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Sound and mature approach.
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Good post. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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If someone isn't interested in me, I'm not chasing them. If we've been together a while, I will try to make things "right", but I'm not going to beg anyone to stay.
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8/25/2022 2:04 pm |
Well said. But, I'm a cynical bastard. I expect everyone is fielding options, and I'm prepared emotionally for the ghosting. The upside is I get wonderful surprises in my messages when I see they are continuing the conversation and we're still on track for a possible future.
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Happens more than you think.
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8/25/2022 4:53 pm |
I'm sure that's exactly how a lot of people roll, but that's not me. When I'm talking to a woman then it's just her. She has my full attention, and I'm not considering anyone else. If she fucks up then it's on her. That's not to say I'm unforgiving, because I am. I can be very forgiving. However somethings that people say or do can't be taken back. Choose your actions carefully. I think both subs and doms have experienced what you're saying. I do have women friends that I talk to, but it's completely platonic and I would in no way discuss anything intimate with them. I like the song Fuck you by CeeLo Green. Besides I use those words quite often, or various combinations of those words. Fuck is truly the must important word in the English language. It has so many meanings and there are many opportunities to use it. When you're feeling down a Harley Davidson Low Rider will put a smile on your face.
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good riddance don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out!
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8/25/2022 4:59 pm |
The way I look at it is the loss is theirs, agree it hurts for a short while then we pick ourselves up and move on, knowing the way this site can let us down, far too many fakes and frauds running unchecked, we all need to take care. Keep a high sense of self worth, hold your head high and do not let others keep you down for too long.
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i like mature ladies that like to get wild and dirty and like to do weird things and want to try new things.
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8/25/2022 8:33 pm |
good riddance don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out!
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Ex As others have said, this is wonderful post! I agree that often we are blind to the warning signs and Good Riddance when it happens! We must value ourselves! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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In my experience with this, it that those who behave that way, ar constantly chasing the next high, it is al about the conquer, the high, and especially the easy catch. (lack of selfesteem?) So if you want a decent adult conversation, without constantly have to fondle his feeble ego, he is Off TO his next fix. You see? It is ALL about him. not realy an adult, in my eyes. Dont/ Cant / wont be accountable for their actions or even maybe their words? I see the paterns now, in their behaviour.
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One time, i had a guy doing this to me, and after a forthinght, he dare to come back to me, and wanted to start where he left off.... Go F yourself was my answer. Aah... well, i dont think so Very, very disrespectful.
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Welp. Yeah. I know you know how I relate to this.
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I liked the Bernard Shaw quote. You raise and oft discussed point regarding relationships. Words spoken, not spoken and misunderstandings all in between. However communication is key. And moving forward, perhaps learning something in the process. Sometimes you really have to reach deep down to know if you have something of substance.
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You're absolutely spot on. They have done us a huge favor. I say Fuck 'em too. Thanks for sharing. xx~M "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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