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Gaslighting Gaslighting is when a person denies your reality for an extended period of time creating a lack of self-trust or a feeling of being 'crazy.' Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person attempts to control perception. It is a pattern of behavior, where a person (over time) has us questioning our own sanity. Gaslighting gives people a false illusion of power and control because it allows them to control their perception. They create their own narrative and force this narrative through manipulation that can happen over weeks, months, or even years. Many of us experience gaslighting as , which makes it even harder for us to identify it as adults. Gaslighting in childhood sounds like: - consistently telling a how they feel - denying events that took place ("dad isn't drunk, he's just tired") - denying hurt feelings ("don't be a drama queen, it's not that bad") - forcing a to do things they're uncomfortable with, then shaming them for being uncomfortable - "you made me do this" or "I did that because i love you" (creating a belief that bring on pain or abuse) The 5 Main Types Of Gaslighting: 1. Chronic Lying: a pattern of lying where once caught within a lie, instead of admitting the lie, your character is<b> attacked. </font></b>("you are so crazy!). Over time, you second guess what is actually reality. 2. Reputation Smearing: a pattern of gossiping and discrediting a person in order to get people on 'their side' or to get sympathy. This gives someone a sense of power over your reputation and how people perceive you. 3. Chronic Objecting: when you talk about the issue or try to hold the person accountable, they switch the topic and attempt to throw you off course. Often feels like going in circles, and leaves you feeling defeated. 4. Chronic Blame: any time you have an issue, the person blames you for bringing that issue on, rather than taking accountability for their behavior. ex: "I wouldn't have done that if you weren't always on my case." 5. Narrative creating: a pattern of re-creating a new narrative about how events went that doesn't actually match up with the events. This makes one person the "victim" while the other person questions their sanity. The impact of gaslighting: 1. Confusion around what's real and what's not. 2. A feeling of being trapped or ashamed that 'everyone' thinks you're crazy. 3. Over-responsibility: a feeling that you caused someone's feelings that leads to endless apologizing. 4. Chronic shame: "what's wrong with me" "I am a fraud" 5. Shut down: fear of sharing anything because in the past, it's been weaponized. Dr. Nicole LePera Been there... in childhood, in adulthood... not a nice place to be... and a long way back home, to yourself again.  |
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Gaslighting is one of the nastiest forms of lying. I won't chew this for you, and tell you how it can be applied to any form of D/s dynamic. We are all adults, and everyone from our own perspective and based on our own experience can realize how important this is, and whether there is something around them they should pay more attention to. Be well, and be aware.
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Ex Thank you for another very informative post! Sadly, I think mostof us have experienced gaslighting in some form in our lives! Hopefully, now we can recognise it and ignore it! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Some folks gaslight themselves. Every day, like clockwork.
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your reality, interesting. I suppose so many years ago when my dad said "This is going to hurt me more than you" before delivering a whupping with the belt it might have been gaslighting. It certainly wasn't true, but I knew that. But it did toughen one up. I hope you never experienced gaslighting.
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I'm sure we've all seen it. I didn't know it had that name. I figured some people just suffered some sort of victim syndrome. I do know a couple of people with the elements you mention. And I feel there are many media and social media outlets gaslighting us every day. But hey, that's just me. Thanks for sharing, Ex. This provides pretty good insight and awareness.
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Hm...l think at times in certain situations we all both the lighter & lightee thou myself l do not have any of those 5 traits in terms of bdsm D/s relationship for the submissive l can see where if they don’t recognize roleplay vs reality that things could lead to the 5 impacts especially if they have mental Bi polar or depression disorders!
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Is gashlighting also just ignore the other person, anything he/she says/write? By that, deny their reality? silent treatment? To my oppinion, most folks who gashlight, have some strong narcistic tendencies..... There is good controle and bad controle.... Wanting or needing, makes the difference.
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3/21/2023 3:09 am |
I agree with rosaenaluin. Narcs gaslight. Never (at best actually) to acknowledge feelings, emotions, thoughts out loud. As old as I am, I never knew there was a term for this....... until a few years ago. I never knew what a true narcissist was. And I got educated the hard way. Prolly because I am an empath and maybe I just never believed such a thing existed.
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I think there seems to be a new word to learn on a constant basis.
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Gas lighting is the con man and narcisists game. So sad,but true
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