4226 posts 4/22/2023 12:00 pm
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The Distance
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5766 posts 4/22/2023 12:00 pm |
It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations.
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6112 posts 4/22/2023 12:22 pm |
It depends on what one wants... what relationship one is looking for.
Just a penpal, so to speak, or someone to actually be, in one's life.
My siblings all live in different areas of the world and we love each other and communicate without touching or seeing. I have friends I have known through the years, we don't touch, or see each other, but still say hello, check on each other at times have a bond. But all of those examples, the bond was created spending time together early in the relationship.
I come here for the blogs and I feel I have some sort of relationship with some of the other bloggers... Don't think I will ever meet any of them. Even You... 
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:36 am:
I would stay with your first line, Likeithot: "It depends on what one wants... what relationship one is looking for", and add - being true and honest about that, first and foremost with yourself, and then, obviously, with the other person engaged. |
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6112 posts 4/22/2023 12:27 pm |
Quoting ExNameForUse:
It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations.
I think it takes empathy.
Also the desire to live by the rules you chose for yourself. Stand your moral ground, politely and or silently. I have gotten up and left many a situation rather than take the bait...
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:40 am:
Or both, perhaps... when there is grace, there is empathy... when situations are cruel, and beyond and above anything one could possibly think of where things could go... now when I think of them... I don't even know where that grace and empathy came from... I guess it is a matter of what material one person is built from. |
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11073 posts 4/22/2023 1:01 pm |
As you say, both have to have the determination to build that friendship, even without seeing or be able to touch each other.
For that, you have to be on the same side of the boat, so to say
have the same goal, for that contact....
My experience is, that some men, talk the talk but never walk the walk...
No effort?
Forget it.
Wont work.
For "our" kind of relations, you have to tackle a whole lot of territory.
Wich can make it extra hard work
Putting the long distance in it...?
Cán make it extra complicated.....
I dont know, i just dont know...
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:44 am:
I can confirm that it is hard work and things can easily get complicated, as we are, at the end of the day, only weak fragile human beings.
The sad thing is that even with the same goal, hard work, and a lot of effort, long-distance relationships simply are not for everyone.
It is about determination, discipline, and personal integrity, meaning honesty, respect, and trust, that will keep it going.
Only for the strongest among the strongest ones. |
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4528 posts 4/22/2023 1:03 pm |
Slave rick
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2154 posts 4/22/2023 1:10 pm |
Yes, it's possible in today's world.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:46 am:
Everything and anything is possible if people decide to make it work. |
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620 posts 4/22/2023 1:16 pm |
Very insightful. It takes patience and imagination! The in between visits and meets. Keep the fires burning.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:50 am:
That sounds very enthusiastic if a burning fire is what is the relationship all about. A vivid imagination can help to keep it burning and meets and visits will then probably be pure fireworks. |
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366 posts 4/22/2023 1:23 pm |
I believe distance IS a problem. The rest is a pipe dream. especially if the distant party is a stranger...an unknown you have never met in person, except online/digitally. Though still problemmatic, I will tentatively accept that love might endure at a distance, if both parties have already physically met, though are now estranged. Love best flourishes in the analog world...the tangible, palpable, analog world. Mere subjectivities must at some point be objectified to prosper. Love is subsumed by the driving need--the impuse or desire--to literally BE WITH the love object (if not, unrealistically, all of the time, then) most of the time. Even when two lovers part and are now at a distance forever (perhaps even if one of the parties has died), what remains of that vestigial love transmutes into the fondness of a memory..Over time,
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:20 am:
It is not easy when two people meet, and get along well, love happens, and then they have to be apart for some reason, even if only temporarily. It can be frustrating to be apart from the person you love and enjoy sharing your life with.
But we are so often frustrated about so many things when things we want are out of our reach.
It is when one should be true and honest and either accept that there will be times like that or accept they can not deal with times like that. It is when you know if you can handle a long-distance relationship, or if it is better not to get involved and consequently hurt someone. |
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366 posts 4/22/2023 1:24 pm |
even the memory will begin fading.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:21 am:
Everything fades, even the most vivid memories... |
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9437 posts 4/22/2023 1:42 pm |
My Dear Friend💋.... I must confess I've tried long distance relationship in the past but it didnt work out for me....😥
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 7:57 am:
I am sorry, dear Brandy, as I know that in order to maintain it and make it work, you must have put a lot of will, faith, and effort into it... unfortunately, sometimes nothing can keep them rolling... and sometimes I think if something isn't working, are we actually saved from something even worse that could happen to us that going separate ways itself... |
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4215 posts 4/22/2023 2:27 pm |
if you hold & carry a person in your mind & heart wherever you go along w good daily communication then distance doesn’t matter but it is vital to have quality in the flesh time together as well...so yeah it can work!
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:06 am:
I am familiar with situations where you have all that as you said, you share your days, and thoughts, and have plans, when people meet in the flesh things seem to be perfect, and they believe with all their heart that all is working well, and then one of them realize that they are not alone, and one of them is doing the same thing with someone else...
Cruel situations that one never dreamt of do happen, even when actions and words are aligned at first glance and all seems so well...
So, I agree, they can work, but it takes a huge personal capacity for it to work. |
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8834 posts 4/22/2023 2:46 pm |
Go into it with open heart and mind. If it works, that's wonderful. If it doesn't, the only way you'll ever know is to try. : )
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:10 am:
Dear Arty, thank you for the advice. This was really more about what others think of this topic, but I really appreciate it, and I agree with you that one can never know until one try it personally.
Whatever that may be. |
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26164 posts 4/22/2023 3:04 pm |
Long distance relationships can work with the operative word being work. Each party understands the circumstances and realize that this is an undertaking that two people share.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:12 am:
Hard work, if I may add, in the most positive connotation, willingly and effortlessly, with awareness of what is important and what is not acceptable under any circumstances.
For mature grown-ups, I would say. |
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1463 posts 4/22/2023 4:02 pm |
Closeness has little to
do with distance . .
Distance is just a test
to see how far your
caring and love can
travel.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:15 am:
It is in a way the test as well, to see not only how far your caring and love can travel, but the caring and love of your significant one as well.
Some pass the test, and some do not. Either way, it is a way to learn more about ourselves, our values, and our commitments more than anything else. |
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3136 posts 4/22/2023 4:07 pm |
I haven't had much success with long distances.
Even if you develop a friendly repartee and you are comfortable the person is real, zoom calls and texts never get the job done.
A relationship only succeeds in face-to-face space. If you develop that unique connection the long distance only brings further frustration.
But, if you have the time it might be worth the leap of faith.
However, down the road, there's no escaping the question of which of you can easily uproot yourself to join the other.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:28 am:
Even with the perfectly set mindset, and with all the technology that provides endless possibilities to feel not too lonely, even with the unique connection one may feel to have and develop with someone else... at the end of the day, when good nights are said and sweet words have been shared - your head is the only head on that pillow and you are cocooned in that warm duvet, not in someone's arms... but if there is trust, and I say TRUST, and knowing that time to be together is approaching, it can work...
Without trust, it is devastating. |
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3168 posts 4/23/2023 12:26 am |
the loneliness of the present is so hard to overcome. But some people do it, and some conditions like work transfers and war cause it beyond our ability to control it. But some commitment can over-come it so there is hope.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:30 am:
I still hope that there is that tiny hope that things between people can happen, develop, and last. Even with long-distance circumstances. |
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3168 posts 4/23/2023 12:34 am |
it struck me that the difference between today's immediate email and face-time, and letters is quite substantial. With letters one expects to wait, and the waiting is a form of suffering/longing that strengthens us when the letters arrive.
I think the immediacy of instant communication tends to make it less deep, and
hurts things in an unexpected way, leaving the absence unassuaged.
just the thoughts of someone who lived before the internet.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:35 am:
I would think that absence, and that longing and waiting for the time to be spent together, would make one person cherish and appreciate that time even more, take care of it, and keep it from all possible distractions... I would expect that that time will be considered as too precious to be damaged by anything.
But, that's not always the case.
People are actually very weak creatures, very fragile, and easily distracted, often in search of instant gratification, approval, and validation. |
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8965 posts 4/23/2023 6:24 am |
My last D/s relationship started out as long distance and it was wonderfully fulfilling. In fact, I never even wanted to see a photo of him until about a month before we met. It went on that way until we finally met. (About a year and a half into it) He was such a great guy over the phone, but when we met it didn't translate very well. He was pushy and arrogant. Disrespectful. I think you can see where this is going...I think people are able to hide behind a phone. All the bad things about themselves. The relationship lasted three years. I always say everything is a learning experience. This was one lesson I didn't need to learn.
Ex, this was a fantastic topic. xx
"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
ExNameForUse replies on 4/23/2023 8:43 am:
People are actually able to hide their true nature not only over the phone, or behind texts, but sitting at the same table, sharing the bed, or bathroom with you.
Their words and actions match, everything seems so perfect, and smooth, people meet, travel, and make plans, but there is that feeling when you are apart, that something is wrong.
The worst part is realizing you were not the only one who they had a long-distance relationship with at the same time.
You just can never be sure, and with a long-distance relationship, even less. |
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5766 posts 4/25/2023 6:09 am |
Absence is to love what wind is to fire: it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.
Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
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11073 posts 4/25/2023 2:04 pm |
ExName,
I very much love that picture.
I knów, i am not made for longdistance if it takes on for months and months.
I need the close by feeling, see into their eyes, see how they act, behave, up close.
Experience their energy, so to say...
Long distance wont fill those gaps....
ExNameForUse replies on 4/26/2023 12:16 am:
I must be honest, Rosa, and admit this image resonated with me, and I felt as seeing me sitting by that phone day and night... for what is worth I know I have been comitted to that phone and what it represented, and it was taken with awareness of what it represents with all given circumstances.
I believe if both involved are true and devoted, those gaps can be worked out. But if there are trust gap, no bridge can overbridge it, not in a long run. |
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124 posts 4/27/2023 6:52 pm |
I love Gabriel Garcia Marquez, great quote. Distance is not necessarily measured in miles.
ExNameForUse replies on 4/27/2023 10:37 pm:
Miles, like the age are just figures.
The distance is created with what is in ones mind, not with miles... |
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5/18/2023 1:33 pm
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yep 
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5/21/2023 11:16 pm
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cool
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25806 posts 6/19/2023 7:40 am |
Distance remains a problem. I takes money to travel for one thing.
ExNameForUse replies on 6/19/2023 9:50 am:
It all depends on what both parties agreed upon, in which case those travel costs are equivalent to what the couple would spend for food, for example, if they were living together... and you don't take those travels way too often if it is a real long distance, but every other month or so... so it is bearable... or so it was in my case...
There are other more important things that can't be "counted" or "measured", like money... and those things determine whether it is going to last and survive or not.
Just my experience  |
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