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Trauma Bond This post is only viewable by Local Fetish Fans members. Join Local Fetish Fans now! |
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I thought to write that not everything that looks like love is love... like, you know, sugar and salt... they look the same too... but their taste is completely different... and as I write this comment, I feel sadness... I have flesh backs of some days and moments from my past and I ... you know... even with the rational me knowing and understanding the facts, there is that part of me... that is and will remain a bit sad...
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everyone should know these
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Dera Ex💋.... Basically I'm a loner so I don't really let anyone get close enough emotionally to create trauma for myself....knock on wood... Ha😏
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The cycle has to be broken so that true life/love can be realized.
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That picture explains the issue but you are left shaking your head, having difficulty understanding how one falls into that quicksand. 
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You have chosen an interesting topic, ENFU, but it is important to realize (and to make clear) that the “trauma bond” is a psychological syndrome that has a truly global or general incidence and relevance. Evidence of it can be seen in the population at large, but it will generally not stem from (or be the resulting effect of) any abusive or painful or fundamentally adversarial dynamic that one has volitionally or deliberately chosen to enter into or become a part of, initially, as is the case, which it could be said, we seem to be delicately sidestepping here by not making a more precise reference to the atypical and relatively marginalized context to which we wish, pointedly, to apply the phrase. We must not be indirect here. I think we would both agree that the more distinctive application of the phrase “trauma bond’--the one most relevant to our more immediate concerns–is the one adversely affecting a number of submissives– males and females– that have gotten much more than they ever expected when they chose or made their determination to submit willingly to a dom or domme for “training” and “enslavement,” but instead came up against the narcissistic abuser type mentioned in your blog post. For example, the now historical case of Patty Hearst’s kidnapping and her gradual mental and finally physical personification of one suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, is an exemplification of a trauma bond of a different stripe than (I believe) the one we truly have in mind and want to discuss. Patty Hearst did not seek initially of her own volition to be kidnapped and dominated by her Symbionese Liberation Army (left-wing/urban guerilla/revolutionary) abductors in 1974. Her traumatization, which led to her personality and mental transformation (including her name change to Tania), her denunciation of her own family, and her armed participation in subsequent bank robberies and bomb plantings by the SLA, for which she and the group leaders were later arrested, simply generated in her, these unintended psychological consequences. Hearst was sentenced to 7 years in prison, but her sentence was commuted to 22 months, and she was finally pardoned for her offenses. Her defense attributed most of the blame on coercive persuasion and brainwashing. Perhaps more germane to our use of the phrase “trauma bond” is The following quote: “Stockholm syndrome is not exclusive to kidnappings—it can also be a coping mechanism or emotional response for those in abusive situations, whether domestic abuse, child abuse or human trafficking. It can also be related to abusive work situations or even certain coach-athlete dynamics.” In any event, I still believe that the phrase, when applied specifically to the specialized intricacies and the dynamic of predetermined consensual participation that obtain in the subcultural context of D/s, B&D, and S&M, must, perforce, be accompanied by certain reservations and caveats that will distinguish its somewhat peculiar application to the trauma undergone by unwitting subs at the hands of their narcissistic and “toxic” dom masters or mistresses. Please know that I am not making these comments to stand for some sort of outright exculpation or exoneration of those few doms that stray across the periphery of our rule-bound world- or lifestyle-choice–that is, of our game–and into the darker realm of criminality and illegality. Though our games are mostly consensually premised, there still must be consequences for those that can’t recognize or respect boundaries…and our common humanity and essential equality.
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Ex This is such an important topic! Thank you for posting the warning signs! We may kmow and even recognise them but , it can still be hard to escape the clutches of the abuser!! I am very sorry you have had this experience! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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great post
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all good info you gotta love yourself to be able to love & be loved by others you gotta forgive yourself & others to move on you gotta let the past rest don’t dwell on it as the present passes you by the future is unknown live in the moment of the present you have so much pain you carry around it’s suffocating you you’re not to blame wasn’t your fault you’re a victim you can’t fix them you can’t reason or control w stupidity & ignorance take back the power control they hold over you you can control yourself & the situations people you allow to enter into your space up to you to be yourself true to yourself & keep negative & toxic people out that doesn’t mean you’re weak or mean make you bad shows how strong wise you are take care of yourself first before others for they won’t take care of you!
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