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"I Am A Genetic Trash" This post is only viewable by Local Fetish Fans members. Join Local Fetish Fans now! |
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I feel deeply sorry that he is so unhappy and unsatisfied but even more for not knowing what to do about it...if anything is left to be done but let him live his life as best as he can and be there for him if he needs me.
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My Dear Friend Ex💋.... ❤️HUGS❤️
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I'm sorry to hear that. First, it sounds like he needs to be on anti-depressants. As one who is also prone to clinical depression (which is runs in my gene pool), I can tell you that the medications I take work very well. Of course, they have to be prescribed by a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. It can take a bit of trial-and-error to find the right one, but perhaps if he can use the drugs to become functional, he can then work out some of his issues with a therapist. The writings (and videos) of clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson have also assisted a number of young men in finding some meaning in their lives. He has a number of videos on YT and his books are excellent as well. We, as parents, do our best. We are not perfect, but, well, most of us tried out best.
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It sounds like he has developed a self-image that needs massive reconstruction. Unfortunately, a parent is the least skilled at this type of intervention. If he is willing to face it, professional counseling might chart a path. This is such a sad situation as this has no simple answer. Try not to torture yourself as you are not to blame. imho 
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Out of curiosity, how old is your son?
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Not the best place to be. Perhaps how hugs came into being. Sending one now. 
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1/22/2024 12:07 pm |
Where is his father? How old is he?
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I feel deeply sorry that he is so unhappy and unsatisfied but even more for not knowing what to do about it...if anything is left to be done but let him live his life as best as he can and be there for him if he needs me.  
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I was raised heathen for the first eight years of my life . . Trust me, there is no caring, loving or repair for his mentality. It is doubtful that playing well with others will ever grace his personality. Protect him from himself and educate him. Spare him your guilt, he doesn't care. What he needs the most, no one can teach or give him. Understanding himself is the journey he seeks. If he's hard on himself, or you or the world, let it be. I was fortunate enough to befriend a woman that is a practicing clinical psychologist and she was able to help me understand how the things lacking in my childhood affects my distrust of all authority but more importantly I figured out that it's not me that is broken but my childhood. Finding his value in himself isn't as simple as confidence. Letting him talk to a psychologist is a better idea than trying to cover his issues with drugs. Good luck.
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So sorry to hear about this. Some years ago friends of mine had problems with their son. So I've seen first hand, how difficult it can be for parents in that position. It sounds like he needs professional help, but I know that's not always easy to find. Although of course I don't know the situation in your country. I'm sure it's not your fault, I guess any parent would feel guilty in such circumstances. I am no expert, but I've heard chemical imbalances in the brain can lead to depression. I can only imagine that repeated bullying would only re-enforce any negative feelings. Anyway try & stay positive. Wishing you all the best & sending you hugs.
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"His misfortune seems to be that he is the child of his parents and not someone else's parents, that he is the offspring of his parents and not some other, some beautiful, tall, successful, wealthy people... Not a day goes by that I don't wonder where I was so wrong, what am I doing so wrong. The only thing wrong, it seems, is that I'm his mom, and it is not someone else, with some better genetic predispositions, a mom he could admire for something, and then maybe even love for that. This way... he has no reason to, because I am, this imperfect and ordinary, responsible for "giving birth" to him, this imperfect and a genetic failure. So, forever guilty.' That MIGHT be the saddest thing I've ever heard, and the most misunderstood thing someone could say to a parent. None of us get to choose our parents, and sometimes they're not the greatest people in the world, but ANYBODY that thinks the grass is GREENER on the other side is CLEARLY not seeing things for what they are. It sounds to me that you have gone above and beyond in your attempts to help, intervene, solve, and MOST of ALL, LOVE your son. I realize that this is just a 'snapshot' in the EPIC biographical movie of your son's life, but, it sounds as if you ALWAYS been there for him, but that's never been enough (for him, and now, or perhaps for a long time, you, too, have felt this from things he's said and done). I think about all the Rock/movie/sports stars whose children have died at young ages do to drug overdoses, daredevil/foolish acts, etc. and wonder if your son has ever read or seen those stories in the news and thought of all the things you HAVE done for him. It's been my personal experience that every family I've known in my life has a member that doesn't "FEEL" that they fit, that they're not/never 'good enough', but you didn't treat him that way, you didn't sit down with your Ex-husband and discuss how you wanted to have a 'fat, ugly, underachieving, short, incompetent kid' so you could stand back and watch him struggle his whole life with low self esteem. How sad that he's not found ANYTHING in life that's MOTIVATED him to improve his self esteem, Ex, reading, sports, guy friends, girl friends, a pet he's responsible for, ANYTHING that would give him a boost in MORALE...I will say that I BELIEVE you've done all you could for as long as he's been in your life, without personally KNOWING you, one can tell from what you've written, you've been the mother this young man has needed his entire life, and you can't blame yourself for the shortcomings he's encountering. As much as I loved my Dad, and I'll tell you, it was HUGE, he was my HERO, my living, BREATHING HERO, my Mother's love was ALWAYS ALL ENCOMPASSING, shared between me and my brothers! When Dad wasn't available, Mom was ALWAYS there, ALWAYS! I'm betting you were too, for your son, and obviously still are! Don't beat yourself up, you've done your BEST, and as you stated, 'if anything is left to be done but let him live his life as best as he can and be there for him if he needs me.', as that's all any GOOD parent can ever do...
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Your reinforcement and support of him is all you can do. It's not failure on either part! Sending you all my best and lots of prayers.
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That is a tough one. I was like that for years after my father died when I was 13. I exchanged the sadness for anger. I spread it around. Over time, I quit feeling as much. The anger is never far away, even now. Good luck . I hope he finds a way.
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Everything you do is based on the choices you make It is not your parents, your past relations, your job. the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period. Copied from Red Celeb Carpet You are beating yourself up because of the choices your son's made and, still is. The old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink comes to mind. Tell him since you cause him so much grief and pain it is time to walk away, with love, letting him know if He needs you, he can call. The purpose being to save yourself, possibly him as well. In earlier posts you mentioned He has friends. Leave Him to them. Called tough love, It will be hard. But so is this as it IS eating YOU away. His words show you gave him an education. Remember the words I shared with you on an earlier post that my Father shared with me. Time for you to share them with him
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This was hard to read.I feel for you. He needs some professional encouragement and affirmation of what is good in him. Not how he came about, i.e. genetic linage. And. you should discuss this for your sake with a counselor on how to deal with your guilt and regrets about how he was raised. There is no garbage here.If you have done the best you could with him then you did him the best you could. Accept that you did what you could do to raise him to be what is possible. There is no shortcoming on your part. Other above have said some good things about this. I don't think I can say anything more apropos than those who commented have. We are our own persons, once we are born. We may be tied genetically and have direct connection as we grow and become our own person. No one else is responsible for a negative view, if they seem to choose.They are unique entities. Most birds are pushed out of the nest to fly. They either do fly and make it on their own or they don't. The parental momma and daddy birds can't fly for them. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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compensating skills, help him find things he likes and nurture that. Knowing you have a talent inside is a beautiful thing. This breaks my heart. The world can be so cruel.
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Ex I too am sending a warm hug! The amateur psychologist in me says that sadly, your son was born with depression and he takes his frustration out on you! You can only provide the support you do.... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Everything you do is based on the choices you make It is not your parents, your past relations, your job. the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period. Copied from Red Celeb Carpet You are beating yourself up because of the choices your son's made and, still is. The old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink comes to mind. Tell him since you cause him so much grief and pain it is time to walk away, with love, letting him know if He needs you, he can call. The purpose being to save yourself, possibly him as well. In earlier posts you mentioned He has friends. Leave Him to them. Called tough love, It will be hard. But so is this as it IS eating YOU away. His words show you gave him an education. Remember the words I shared with you on an earlier post that my Father shared with me. Time for you to share them with him I often think of that saying... how you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. On the other hand, sometimes I thought that he wanted help, only didn't know how to ask for it but with anger, provoking me, so he could spit out all his bitterness at someone. That someone is me because I am sure he knows I will forgive everything. When he said that last thing about being genetic trash... it took me by surprise but also left me pretty calm like I saw things more clearly. Like - how can I possibly help someone who thinks like that of himself? It is why all my efforts turned out to be a failure. And my response was very close to what your father said - that I am deeply sorry he feels that way, that I strongly disagree but also accept if that is what he believes in, and that I hope that one day, sooner or later, he will realize that life can be quite nice and even happy with little things and a few dear people around us... I said that I was sorry I couldn't help with his genetic prepositions, but that I would always be there if he needed me. I made a step back then. Felt almost sick myself, but that was not something I would share with him. It is when I realized that if I don't stop "helping" others, I will end up broken, and alone, which I already am. YOU ARE NOT YOU HAVE ME MYSELF AND i.YOU ARE LETTING YOUR SON DEMORALIZE YOU. STOP He has started his own life stop. To rebuke his words remind him what your job was, to expose him to the world, What his job was, to learn and grow. You did your part. Step back as you bluntly say you now it is up to you. Do not be the clingy mommy, You and your 3 friends say call me if you need me
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never give up hope. people can find themselves.
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I read in one of your responses on here, Ex, that when you've talked to him, keeping in mind your words and tone, etc. and mentioned leaving the things from the past that seem to continually haunt him off and on, that they should be left there, in the past, and not to dwell on them again and again. And you mentioned that sometimes, that sadness/sorrow he has turns to anger...I learned a LONG TIME ago, while in couples counseling in an effort to try and save my marriage (it's PROBABLY the most important thing I learned, or at least one of the most important things that came out of those sessions, anyway), that "ANGER is just FEAR covered up by a whole lot of NOISE!", the lady Counselor we were seeing told us BOTH that in one session, and it RESONATES with me EVERY time I see or hear of read about someone being angry about something, anything...he might need to find what the FEAR is that's driving him to become angry, and hopefully it will help him resolve some of the issues from the past, and move on in a positive way. From what I read back from you in response to what I posted the other day, it sounds like you have a wonderful young man that's making strides in his world, and it did my heart good to here that you recognize those QUALITIES in him, and I hope that helps YOU as much as your recognition of his accomplishments, helps him, as you're suffering through all this too, as you fully know. There was a scene in a movie, "A River Runs Through It" (about two brothers, very competitive with each other, as well as with their friends, while growing up in Montana, as boys) The older brother clearly finds his way, through college and afterwards, marries and takes a job in Chicago as an English literature Prof. The younger, stays in Montana, goes to college and gets a job writing for a local newspaper, lives a 'BIT' WILDER life, drinking, gambling, and dabbling with the local ladies of the night, but stays TOUGH as nails, and SUPER COMPETITIVE. The older brother realizes the changes that his younger brother is going through and TRIES to help, even going to their father, who is the local Minister, but nothing that either does and says to the younger brother gets through. And their dad, the Minister, addressed his congregation one Sunday before his youngest son died, and he said; "“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can STILL LOVE them -- we can LOVE them COMPLETELY without complete understanding...". You're not in this alone, either, Ex, I know you know that, and realize you have a WONDERFUL safety net of folks on here that will be there for you at the drop of a hat, when you need them. In trying times, you have to learn to lean on them when you need their support, and they'll GLADLY give it...
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It was not hard on me. Just a hard read, not something you want to year a friend is having a hard time with. You want to reach out and support that friend kind of thing. Just like you do as a parent. You are right, no one is perfect. But you are perfectly good and a valuable contributor to society. I know we have not met, but I surely love you dearly. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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I am a nobody, to you, just another blogger. I am just giving a perspective from my viewpoint , another way to look at it. I mean no disrespect or anything and I apologize if a chosen word, bothered you. Never was my intent. We were all raised differently, I was raised like ospreys raise their young, taught to survive then left to do just that. I suppose I could have called for help if needed, but never did. Nor did I ever blame my parents for any of my misfortunes, I had a few. The lasting lesson in my head is/was learn to survive, we showed you, now you are on your own. There is no one to bitch at for how I turned out. My parents did their job. I think you did too. Turning off caring is hard, rather pretending one turned it off... that is a fact
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easy to beat yourself up Ex as you always do...you did the best you could do best you saw fit best you could manage you gave your best nothing is wrong w love love is the answer his unhappiness is his own fault not yours happiness comes from w in not what you have where you live etc. self confidence is seXY & has no body image type along w good attitude personality sense of humor wins out over over brooding moody self loathing contempt up to him to realize what he has in you & find happiness you did all you can do now just love listen be patient set the example for him & in time he will see know learn appreciate all you are...a good mom good person!
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Thank you! I also would not spend the time or energy if I did not feel some sort of friendship, connection
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