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small reflections my post will appear in the comments |
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As I knelt yesterday waiting for Sir to come home many thoughts ran through my head. It has been a little over 9 months since Sir found me and what a 9 months it has been. Small reflections - From almost running away and saying no way was I ever going to be involved in anything bdsm having had enough abuse in my life to last a lifetime. To accepting Sirs way of life even through some ptsd and bad dreams the least of it to a marriage just a short time ago. Wow. Now here I knelt nude only the necklace around my neck as the only thing on me. I am waiting for Sir to see that smile on his face that always melts my heart, I have come a long way not only in this lifestyle but more importantly as a person as well. Sir has taught me a lot about the lifestyle ,I in fact continue to learn but more importantly he has taught me about life . Ive been shown new ways to approach things mentally so my past no longer controls who I am , now I do. That is one of the most important lessons Sir has taught me, that I not anyone else controls how I feel what I do what I say. For me that is a powerful lesson to learn and accept. Strange coming from someone kneeling in the nude waiting for the acceptance of another but none the less true. I give myself freely to Sir not through any demand of his but because it is what I want and quite truthfully the only submission Sir will accept. If I gave it simply because he demands it from me, he would never allow me to be his. The other life lesson Sir has taught me is there's more to life than just us. It is important for us to better not only ourselves but others around us even if it just means putting a smile on someone's face which quite frankly I now do every day. I'm amazed how such a simple jester can change someone or at least their day. I have found for me personally it not only can change their day but mine as well. It hasn’t just changed a day in my life but my life. I have found myself to be much more of a joyful person after having almost no joy before. I look at my bear smyly and that huge grin of his every morning and can't help to smile myself. Smile people it will warm your heart even if only for a second. In the bdsm realm of my life I have gone from many episodes of my past rearing its ugly head to now very few and far between. Thanks largely in part to the many coping mechanisms Sir has taught me. As many of you know who have read my past few blogs this now includes the use of chains and hoods something I would never have thought possible. Well there's a lot I didn’t think possible but Sir has shown me they are. A moment about ptsd please, ptsd never goes completely away I know it's there and it can rear up at any time. I have been fortunate enough that it has not consumed me as it easily can. For those of us who have it ill only say this, keep fighting it can get better. Now back to much more pleasant things. Sir soon came in the door and like always the huge smile on his face his arms wrapping around my waist as I rose. His kiss on my neck and omg the pull of my hair making me cum instantly make kneeling before him all worth it. This night Sir was playful and had me bend over the kitchen table and spanked me hard turning my ass warm and red. It was with great delight that we eat supper feeling his touch on my ass still radiating as we did. After as usual we sat and talked me with my legs spread over the arms of the chair I was sitting in masturbating for him. After I came 3 times Sir bent me over the chair and took me making me cum again as he filled my cunt with his seed. I knelt and cleaned him after another thing I have learned to like to do. It was a nice night out so the last hour or two we set on our deck me snuggled in his arms him lightly playing with my hair. He knows how to keep me right on edge when he wants,lol. Finally off to bed but not before a quick glance at smyly and with a smile on my face I crawled into bed. I soon found what I wanted and with that Sirs cock went in my mouth and as it grew hard I knew too there was another smile in the room.
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