Blog : A Submissive’s Boundaries and Abuse

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2/27/2021 3:02 pm

A Submissive’s Boundaries and Abuse

I recently ended a tumultuous D/s relationship. say the least, it was exhausting, and, quite frankly, extremely abusive. Although the relationship was short lived, the intensity and feelings were real. I was falling in love.

I continued the relationship longer than should have been allowed, but my mind is one of curiosity naturally, and I allowed my head follow my heart. Therefore, I allowed myself be in a place of not being safe, that without my level of experience, could have been extremely dangerous.

Even being a clinical therapist, (not something everyone is privy ) I became extremely confused by my Dom’s behavior and His ability comprehend reality vs. fantasy, His ability respect His submissive’s overall well-being, physically, emotionally and psychologically and His continued need see just how far He could go with pushing my boundaries strictly meet His needs.

I slowly began disclosing my boundaries, which really are very few and very realistic. Unbeknownst Him, I had a 24-year relationship, married for 19 of those 24 years, with a clinically diagnosed socio-path. His disclosed diagnoses of ADHD, OCD and Bipolar disorder were a walk in the park in comparison and part of the reason I allowed myself continue following my heart and continuing this relationship in the first place. Curiosity of the heart, it’s a blessing and a curse.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but initially, upon disclosing my first boundary, I was told I wasn’t “submissive enough.” That later lead to being told I wasn’t a submissive in the least, but rather a “kinkster” and my needs and desires where purely a fantasy. The last accusation was I am a “switch.” This type of behavior is called gas lighting and is used for the purposes of manipulation by psychological means into questioning your own reality. Be aware of this behavior, it should never be tolerated.

I am submissive by nature. It is the core of my being. I have lived in this lifestyle my entire adult life. I am one who needs to serve in order to feel complete. I find pleasure, joy, fulfillment and pride in my service. My submission is not a gift I give lightly. I am rare and confident with the gift I bring, because the way I treat myself sets the standard. I crave domination, discipline and protection 24/7. It is not something that happens at the flip of a switch for the purposes of a sexual encounter, it is a 24/7 lifestyle. As in this case, anyone who tries to tell me differently is showing His lack of self-confidence and the inability and qualifications to be gifted becoming my Dom/Master.

In the end, the results were frightening and alarming. My hope is to validate a young novice and her desires to enter into the world of submission and BDSM and out of concern for those novice submissives who truly only want to please and have no clue the type of evil that exists in the BDSM world.

The bottom line is this, if a submissive's boundaries are challenged and they are told they are not “submissive enough” that is abusive and abuse of the BDSM lifestyle. No one is allowed to tell anyone what they are or are not. That is their decision. There is equal exchange within a healthy D/s relationship, regardless of the submissive’s boundaries. And if it is not, they are with a Dom/Master that is completely inexperienced in the ability to provide the core principles of BDSM and will only continue to take from her to fulfill His needs. She should not stay involved. Lastly, that behavior is not healthy, safe or sane practice of BDSM and not good for a submissive’s overall well-being.

Peace, love and light


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