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she Friday April 12 11:57 p.m. I feel like writing something erotic. I want to feel something erotic. But I'm really just laying up in bed in my very messy home, alone, soon to shut off the computer, turn out the light and get , hopefully, and likely, a pretty good night of sleep, and then go to work in the morning. I thought tonight that maybe a good punk rock band name could be, "pretty bad". Anyway. And, I jacked off. The usual, sick, fare. Or is it fair? I think it's fare. Well,I will check it. Checking it possibly will be the most productive thing I do tonight before I lay it all down. Except to mention, the one thing I regard as the most significant part of this day, for me, was getting several minutes engaged with a very sweet and lovely woman who has been working, kind of an temporary independent job, at my workplace, that I feel, as of this afternoon, upon she and I chatting; on some work related matter, and her expounding on ... work stuff, my heart, and libido, were won over. Well, I've been sort of doting over her, quietly, privately and in passing, for a few months. But we haven't had much opportunity to engage. Well, I mean, I didn't have too much to say. She engaged. I just stood there mostly, engaged, and gazing adoringly upon her elegant countenance, wide and bright and long black lashy eyes, full and shapely lips, playfully coiffed flaxen bob of hair, and talking all intelligent and considerate of humans at workplaces and their potential. And I believe, or fantasize, that she liked the way I allowed myself my doting wandering eye upon her as she pontificated, apparently quite well educated. But back to that jacking off. I say, sort of, because, of that jacking off, to the usual fare. the usual sick fare: a man. A real stud. I fantasized myself thinking oh man, what a lucky guy I am to be the desired prized fuck for this amazing sexy hunk of and handsomely hung daddy man. But earlier in the evening, before the mind went to the jack off mode, , when I was just thinking a jack off might be nice, or a trek into the power exchange, maybe meet a cute transvestite, or a man, or, unlikely, but, a woman, my mere consideration of what shall I fantasize about tonight while jacking off, I thought, I really can't,... can't fantasize about anyone else, because today at work she, ... won my ... whatever I got that she can get, ... yeah... I'm quite primitive. But, well, along with that possible reality check, and or nothing but self psychological intoxicating assault on whatever potential self esteem I have in me that never fizzles completely out, ... she, my new girlfriend, who is certainly ground more in reality than I and didn't go home thinking I am now her new boyfriend, ... but then later in the evening, after the warriors had lost, my mind involuntarily rounded the bend, into the libido, much to my delight, and it just felt like time to jack off again, ... and yes, today I felt like if encouraged to, I would have given my whole self and life, ... at least tonight, right(?), to she, who won me, ready to go to love, batter up, magic carpet ride.... never mind that there's nothing I love more when I get off of work than getting straight home, taking a quick shower... hopefully jacking off, or just, then, crashing for about an hour or two, So, had she commanded, the me I would have handed over to her wouldn't have been my best me. And I believe I have a best of me that is worthy of she, and her life, her heart and her mind, and body, between sheets, and in kitchens and couches, naked, and or nearly. I will now look forward to seeing what might come of she and I, going forward. I'm... into it. But, got home tonight, tried to fantasize my way into arousal, realized I had a new crush in mind that put the kibosh on the spirit of trying to find any other imagined boy or man or girl or woman and or some variation thereof, with my heart having being significantly affected just earlier this afternoon by her. I felt some shame, for my frame of mind, maybe that's the catholic in me. But then, eventually when the urge to purge came more passively and naturally, I ... well, I sort of forgot about her. ... see that's the only problem I see with jacking off too much, I get myself married to my fantasies. Well and then there are the damn neighbors. I think even a raccoon, got a new one this season living in the crawlspace above me again, I think, a few mornings ago, it had come in from it's nocturnal roaming, and it seems to prefer to settle in the ceiling directly above me, I sensed the other morning when I took to jacking off, that it caught on to that unique particular rhythm, for I heard what sounded like two thumps of a fat heavy little tail. Raccoons have tails, right? Let me google image fact check that. Oh, of course. But then tonight there was an awful noise of some vicious wild creature, a wild cat, mountain lion or bobcat, perhaps rising up in a fury, right outside my back door, sounding like it was delivering a kill hit on some prey, which soon after let out a final dying squeal... Might have been my raccoon girlfriend that had moved in above me going down out there... I'll find out soon enough, if it comes home or not at around it's usual four to five in the morning, and rumps around for a while. Sounds like it's raining out now. Another good storm I've heard, and now am literally hearing. April showers ... are extremely rare here. I got to go to sleep, but on my way, daydreaming of she. . |
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Difficult to read. They invented paragraphs! Quite useful. For long text passages, especially Over and Out
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at about 5:38 am, my housemate companion raccoon returned, with it's jubilant thumping up in it's compact room above my ceiling... having survived and possibly thrived through another night, and another rain.
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