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Loss Hello, I am a lesbian Domme I want to talk about loss. Loss is part of relationships so in that way it is somewhat related to BDSM. What I write about here are personal observations, personal experiences and the chat I have had with people who have suffered loss in one way or another. I talk about loss including every kind of loss a person may have in their life. We all lose a loved pet one time or another. We may lose a love person in a break up or a close friend. A loved one may pass or die. Loss is a part of many people’s life. And spoken frankly it sucks badly for those who suffer it. I want to talk in specifically about losing a loved person. It may be in the form of losing a friend, a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, submissive or Dom/Domme. Losing a loved one is a very painful and a very difficult experience to deal with. Some People want to hang on to a lost relationship. They do not want to let go. This will only prolong your suffering and make it harder to deal with the feelings. I know I myself am guilty of hanging on to a loved one too long. So, what are the feelings involved in loss, and how to deal with these feelings and process them in a healthy way? Everyone experiences these feelings in a different way. Some of them are denial, sadness and anger. Denial can be very strong and powerful. As long as a person is in denial they will continue to suffer the rejection or the absence of a loved on. The first healthy step is acceptance. It is crucial to find acceptance that you will no longer be with the person you love. Accept your loved one with not be with you anymore. They do not want to be with you and they might have moved on. With acceptance most people might feel sadness. Once you accept you lost your loved one then you can begin to move on. I know how difficult it is to find acceptance. It is difficult to let go. Maybe your brain knows about your loss but your hearth does not want to let go. I have been there. I believe at times we may continue to pursue the loved one for a time. Nothing wrong with fighting for what you want. But keep in mind there is a risk. A risk you may not get them back. I tell people, give yourself a time limit such as two month or 6 months. Be clear about the responses and sign the other person is giving you. Do they respond, do they show interest, did they block you from reaching them on social media or their phone. Is important to realize a relationship is between two people. If one of the persons does not want to be in a relationship. This relationship does not exist. How do you deal with sadness? There is no easy way. You just have to be sad for a while. But you must feel the sadness. Crying is good as it lets the sadness out of you. I like to believe (and this is just me) you have to own your feelings. You have to own your sadness. Feel your sadness, and make it yours. You need to feel sad and cry and listen to romantic music, and remember the good times. Annoy your friends telling them the same story over and over. Do not annoy your friends too much; they will tend to move away. For most people it is awkward dealing with a sad person. If you are in USA you may google your local “lifeline phone number”. You can call and talk to them. I promise you, once you cry and live your sadness (own it) you will feel better in time. And you will be able to love again. If you do not deal with your sadness, you will not be in a healthy and emotional state of mind to truly love others. There are other things you can do while you are sad. Be gentle with yourself. Care for yourself, do things you enjoy, go out with your friends, cook something good, do your nails, your hair. Just do things that make you feel good. And reach out to friends (to have fun not annoy them eternally). When you end a relationship you have a void within you. You feel empty. Try to fill that void with positive thoughts, with other people, and activities. Anger is a special topic of mine. I might discuss anger in another blog. I welcome positive feedback. I have discovered a special technique that helps me get over relationships and it works. I will share it privately with anyone that contacts me privately. This is going to sound cheesy and overly repeated. To love others, you must first love yourself. |
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Welcome to the blogs. Best to you for the future. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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An excellent blog with excellent advice. Time does heal, but it takes a lot of time for this to happen. Until you come out the other side keep talking about it to good friends and close family and seek outside advice/help if you know it is required. Do not, under any circumstances, keep emotions bottled up inside you - it will only bring more grief. A great post Cataleya.
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I read a quote a long time ago about grief and loss I have experienced so much of it in my life and I believe this stated what I could not put into words. "When it comes to grief, the normal rules of exchange do not apply. Because grief transcends value. A man would give entire nations to lift grief off his heart and yet, you cannot buy anything with grief, because grief is worthless". I hope it helped . Welcome to the blogs.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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See... I told you you could do it. You done good!
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8/15/2021 8:41 am |
Was very beautiful miss
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of course we all know Sweet is a very caring type of woman
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If it's too hard, I would say, sometimes we cling so much that we forget our life and live in the past and forget the present.
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I want to thank everyone for their input. I am grateful for the comments. I will soon be posting a blog on Anger. I hope that it will be meaningful to others.
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7/6/2023 9:46 pm |
This is so true, i know....was my life......i cried so often....Cataleya !! Mistress,,,, so j njice, so real,, i just tell i am agree..i took care of me after that....xoxoxo
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8/7/2023 12:49 pm |
i fight my emotions and was angry,then friend took me in her arms and i let it out i knew she was a lesbian but too be honest i didnt care her understanding was so honest,i could use someone just now my IM doesnt work so if you want message me
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Cat this is a wonderful posting. I totally agree with the very last sentence: To love others, you must first love yourself.". Well done!
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