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a unique opportunity to give back. blog to follow in first comment. |
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*i had a wonderful opportunity to help a "newbie" out over the weekend. NOT someone who randomly DM'd me asking me to "show them the ropes". So don't even try that, random horny dude on the internet, especially if we've never met in person.* ******** Last summer i ran into him at a Munch. He caught my eye and i looked him up here on fetlife the next day. i messaged him saying hello and expressing my hopes of running into him again and chatting sometime. Over the months we ran into each other a few more times at Munches and Socials. i was surprised to learn how "new" he was to the scene. And that, even though he spends the time to go to quite a lot of Munches, Socials, Classes and Play Parties, he'd never played. It was such a nice surprise when, last month, he asked me to chat over coffee or lunch. Meeting at Munches and Events is great, but given the nature of most of these events (tons of people...tons of distractions, noise and people to talk with) it can be hard to really get to know people on a deeper level. At lunch, we had a great time chatting one on one and near the end of our time together, i asked him what could i do to help him on his BDSM journey. Sit down together and do a "Mock Negotiation"? Allow him to practice some Impact Play on me? Do a little scene at a party sometime? Even though we are more like acquaintances than friends, he always struck me as someone calm, thoughtful, easy to talk to and sincere about being involved in this lifestyle. In short: someone worth helping out and supporting, in whatever ways that i could. ******** He was very enthusiastic about the idea of doing a "Mock Negotiation" and so our second time getting together, i told him to bring his toys, and after dinner we could go back to my house, sit down, go through the toy bags (mine and his) and i will show him how i handle this type of negotiation. We went through a pick up play-style scene negotiation for Impact Play. We'd often break off into tangents and anecdotes relating to the topic at hand. He asked a lot of good and interesting questions. It was an absolute joy to go through the process with him. And good practice for me, as well. Even better was when i saw his two floggers. Both were very nice ones made by local LA toy makers. One, i saw it and the handle gave it away. That beautiful, colorful, exotic wood grain...was that made by Lumbersnackster? Yes, as a matter of fact it was. i had been admiring his floggers for a hot minute now. So we go through our Mock Negotiation and long conversation. i know it's getting late for him---he has an early schedule---but i just HAVE to ask. Would he like to give me a few practice strikes with the floggers? Not a scene, mind you. Just a little practice. Let him get leather on flesh. He's reluctant and names off a few good reasons why he is saying no. i understand but i also know another reason he *isn't* telling me: he's just plain apprehensive about it all. Which i totally get. Sometimes we need a little push to just do the damn thing. So before he packed up his bag, i ask him one more time, and he said alright. ******** i kept a thin layer of clothes on: leggings and a tank top. i figured this way i'd be a bit protected "just in case" he was very heavy handed or too erratic in his swings. Also, it seemed more appropriate and relaxed this way. i braced myself on the spanking bench, leaning over enough to be comfortable and to give him good access to my back and buttocks. He ended up using one of his floggers on me and he did a great job. Honestly, i knew that it would be just fine, because of his temperament and who he has shown me to be through his actions as well as his dedication to attending events. Even though i was helping him by giving him this practice time, my motivations were not completely altruistic: if i can help in the development of more good Tops in Los Angeles, that is a plus for me (and for the whole community in general). And...obviously the girl that claims Floggers to be one of her most favorite things in life, did not want to pass up an opportunity to get nicely Flogged by someone she trusts. As he struck me, i alternated between settling in and relaxing into the sensations, and actively communicating with him. i kind of wish there'd been a mirror set up so he could have seen my big happy grin. His strikes were very light and, if he was missing his aim a lot, i was not the wiser. After a while, he asked if he could try to go harder, which was fine with me. He started getting a nice rhythm, throwing in a few harder strikes here and there, as well as experimenting with sensual techniques of lightly running the falls along my body. He'd paid good attention while at classes and play parties and it showed. ******** Of course the idea that i'd pressured him or coerced him was a concern, but honestly i knew that he just needed a little extra *push*. When it's a good opportunity with a person you can trust, sometimes you gotta "Just Do It". After our "scene" ended, i thanked him for taking the leap of faith and for the lovely "massage". Letting him know that he did great, and that he is ready. Reiterating my "aftercare" for this type of scene: we'd make some time to talk a bit on the phone tomorrow and check in with each other. It was really important to me to make sure we could talk a bit after he'd had time to process things and think about what happened. i wanted to make sure he still felt good and confident about it all. ******** i am far from perfect but, as an experienced bottom/sub, who has invested time and energy into learning via reading, observing, talking with others, attending classes and workshops, and playing with a wide variety of Dominants, Tops, Switches and Sadists...i do have a solid foundation and understanding of how to go about TTWD in a "safer" manner. We can always go forward with play: go deeper, harder, more intense, more intricate NEXT TIME. But if we go to fast too quickly and someone gets hurt, confused, or feels in over their head, betrayed, lied to or worse...it's nearly impossible to go backwards and repair that broken trust. Once i began attending events, my biggest goal within BDSM was to be able to give back to this community that has given me so much. i've said it before: if i had not begun attending events, i would have ended up leaving BDSM entirely, or ended up in a hospital. Attending events and becoming a part of the community saved my life, or at least saved me from a mental breakdown. To be able to be of service to others who might be in a similar situation as myself (needing certain things but not being able to go about them in a safe, or safer manner) was my goal. i didn't know how it would eventually manifest...but i knew it was something i would pursue as the opportunity came up. Now, five years later. i am able to give back and be of service to the community in very real and tangible ways. Of course, my altruism is peppered with selfishness..."service" is a Kink of mine, after all. But it is such an honor, so fulfilling, and so humbling to be able to facilitate things, help others, all the while learning so much about myself and about human nature in general. Constant reminders, constant challenges...yet also, constant victories, meaningful experiences and the opportunity to meet so many cool, unique and diverse people. ******** Thank you so much @SirGrail for taking the leap of faith, for trusting me, for allowing me to be your first flogging canvas!! Most people that would hear about this or read about this would think that i helped you out. And yes, i did. But having your trust, vulnerability and honesty helped me out in ways that i will cherish and that feeds my soul. Whatever you do in the future with BDSM, whatever shape your path takes, just remember: you are doing just fine. Keep doing what you are doing, be cautious yet open to good opportunities, and more good things will start to happen.
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Soiunds like a lovely exchange
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A good time was, it seems, had by all.
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