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vessel. blog to follow in first comment. |
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"Do you want to come by for some Tiki Drinks this evening?" Of course i did. He's deep in his Tiki phase and i am here for it. And besides, i need to take advantage of any benefits that i can from our dysfunctional situationship. i arrive. He greets me in the foyer. As he embraces me, i can feel the tears start to well up. It hasn't been an easy week. i try to hide my face but he lifts my chin. He asks me if i am alright. He looks me in the eye. "You are here with me tonight. OK?" **** The Kitchen. The counter is overflowing with a myriad of bottles filled with different types of rum, fresh fruit juices, homemade syrups. A freshly cut pineapple rests on a cutting board. He takes in the sight of me. i straightened my hair, did my make up, selected a dress just for him. Things i know that he would like. i spin around for him. He draws me close, kissing me and touching me. He has me try some of the "Don's Gardenia Mix", which is a sort of whipped butter. Also the Falernum, and some other concoction he had made in preparation for tonight. There's a bowl of ice, a blender. Fancy toothpicks and bamboo straws. Some absinthe in a dropper bottle. "We are going...to a hukilau..." His exotica playlist in the background. **** Polynesian Pearl Diver in a Brandy Snifter. He says he likes how i look holding the glass. He says he likes how i look with the straw in my mouth. We move to the bedroom. We do what we do. As much as possible, i turn my face away. i try not to cry. i sip my drink, enjoying the cold, delicate, fragrant quality. The precious and exotic liquid. i please him with my body, my hands, my mouth. He kisses me, but it never quite lands. i've gotten out of the habit of kissing, these past six years. **** Chinese Food Dinner on Ceramic Plates. Donning our coats, we go out to pick up some food. Chinese food, to go with the old school cocktails. He prepares the drinks while i set the table and fix our plates. We talk, enjoy the food and the drinks. i'm feeling a little better. The alcohol helps. **** Zombie in a Tiki Mug. He's been working up to this. Gathering ingredients and making others. Researching recipes and comparing notes. It's time for the Zombie! The drink is strong, and bitter. i laugh to myself, i understand the look on everyone's faces when i was at the Tiki Munch last December. The face that those with a Zombie made. At first, i don't like it. Yet, as the glass is drained...i find myself asking for another. He looks at me cockeyed. "No" is the answer. Instead, we have a little rum tasting before cleaning up the kitchen. **** Still Water in an Old Fashioned Glass. We move back to the bedroom. i change into my lingerie. He puts on his sexy playlist. i ask if he could put on an album by Tricky. The first one. "Maxinquaye". Sad, but sexy. i pose for him, i do all the things for him. A few thrusts, and it's over. i lay in his arms. We sleep. **** Pre-Dawn. A Vessel. i'm sleeping peacefully, deeply. i feel his hands on me. Rubbing the parts of me that he loves to touch. my eyes open, briefly. i'm a little dizzy, fuzzy feeling from the cocktails. i want to move, to roll over, to interact, but i can't. He knows that this is ok. We have discussed it before. It is part of what we do. When he is ready, he puts me in position, and takes me. After a few minutes, it is over. Hoisting myself to a seated position, i gulp down the rest of the water on the side table before letting sleep overtake me again. **** Tasting Notes. An empty glass. A discarded bottle. A sadness masked by a smile. A familiar feeling that no longer brings pleasure. A worn out, used up vessel.
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Very nicely written. Sadly, there are only about three Trader Vic's left in the world. One must therefore create one's own.
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Methinks, PG, you are being a bit hard on yourself, though you do write well, if it's any consolation. I guess I'm just partial to happy and cheery blog posts. I will look forward to a more enlivening/upbeat/positive piece from you for my next read. Don't allow yourself to languish in patterns or routines gone predictably stale. Time starts now--gtet cracking!
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Fair enough... You are forgiven. LOL Keep at it-- you're a pleasure to read;. Pay no attention to my idle comments.
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In longer term relationships we all become the vessel of the other. We become familiar with the bits an parts of the relationship that make us feel honorable and the parts that make us feel dishonorable. But keep in mind, that how you view yourself within the context of partner isn't nearer as important as how he views you . . As the vessel. we know there are things known, an things unknown and in between, there are perceptions . . Don't confuse them with facts or truths.
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There are Trader Vic's in Atlanta, Tokyo and (I think) the UAE. There are also two great tiki bars in Las Vegas - one serves up Dole Whip spiked with rum! Yum!
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