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What Happens After A Safeword is Used? So much is taught about safewords. We are taught the standard ones and encouraged to use them. Some articles even talk about Doms or Tops using them (which is great---Doms and Tops have, and need, boundaries too). But in my eight years of exploring and learning about BDSM, i have seen little to no information, discussion or education on what should, could, or may happen when a safeword is used. For those of you reading this who engage in BDSM play: i encourage you to think about what happens when, and after, a safeword is used. Think about it clearly, drawing both on your past experiences and your ideal experiences. Then, be sure to include this information in your negotiations, especially with new partners or in pick up play scenarios. Sincerely, a person who has been extremely damaged from using a safeword and having unexpected things happen. |
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I prefer to use two safewords: One is intended to be a "stop immediately and check in" - break the scene immediately and find out what the sub needs or what is wrong. The second ("mercy") is for the sub to use if the particular activity is getting to strong or painful - this does not stop the scene entirely, but signals me to move to a different activity or body part. There should also be a non-verbal signal to be used if the sub is gagged. A certain hummed song, or an object for her to hold in hand and to drop if things get too intense. Not respecting a safe word or signal is just very bad form.
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