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Learning how to say "No" is one of the most imporant things you will learn in Kink blog to follow in first comment. thanks for reading! |
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No matter what side of the slash we are on----the best Dominants, submissive, switches and other varieties of Deviant Kinksters are what you might call "People Pleasers". People that strive to make others comfortable. People that always look to leave a place (or person) in better condition than they found it. People with empathy, compassion and a kind-hearted spirit. *Sadly, this combination of personality traits also often comes with a hard time saying "No"*. ______ In Kink/BDSM, the inability to say "No" can lead to some not-so-fun experiences. From mildly uncomfortable conversations, to being pressured to give someone personal information, to finding yourself tied up by a person that you do not fully trust, to worse. As a "People Pleaser" type myself, saying "No" did not always come naturally. i had to actively work on it and it was through a lot of maturing, life experiences (both good and bad), and learning how to draw boundaries that saying "No" became easier. ______ There's so much i could say on this topic but for now i just want anyone who is reading this to know: *Learning to say "No" is one of the most important things you will learn in Kink/BDSM.* *Never hesitate to say "No" if you don't want to talk to someone (or leave a conversation)...to hug someone....to give someone your name, phone number or other personal information.* *Always say "No" if you do not want to play with someone, always say "No" if you do not want to meet someone for a coffee or date.* _______ We often refer to our interests and life within Kink/BDSM as a "Journey" and learning to say "No" is an extremely important part of this journey. It isn't always easy, and is much harder for some people than others, but it IS something that gets easier with practice. If you are new (or not so new!) to Kink/BDSM and find yourself struggling to say "No", PRACTICE!!! Visualize a conversation with someone and say "No" out loud to their questions. Or hook up with a trusted friend and do a role play conversation. Believe me, just saying the words out loud will make it much easier when you are confronted with an unwanted situation or interaction out in the real world.
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If you are not sure, undecided, etc. - say No.
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What i have learned, is to say; i have to think about that, what ever that, that is.... Just to not get pushed or dragged into something i am not sure about. Just to give me some space.... Get the tension out of the conversation, so to say.....
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Also learning how to say Yes!
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Very good write up. Saying "no" is not a sign of weakness, negativity or makes you unfit. If your partner does not understand or attempts to gain knowledge or clarity. Then he/she is derelict or unfit. No can be a valid response and should lead to deeper conversations.
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This is great advice to someone new trying to get wet in the BDSM lifestyle.
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Knowing and saying no is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
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"No" is a full sentence. You don't have to explain yourself after you've said "No quot;"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Well Said and I might add be strong and don't let someone push you into feeling guilty for not wanting to do or be with someone or something. It is your body, your right to say no!
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