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The Powers of Observation article in comments |
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Observation is a very underrated skill in BDSM dynamics for both Dominants and submissives. There is so much you can learn about your partner, just by being observant. There are so many subtle signs and signals a person puts out purposely and involuntarily that can help you learn about your partner, get a sense of their comfort level, their understanding. Some of these signals can give you the knowledge that you are on the right track, some will signal that there is work to do to correct the direction of the dynamic, and others are just signals that give you the self-satisfaction that your partner is happy and content or maybe recovering and relaxing from past traumas with your assistance. Through observation, a Dominant can: Pick up signs that more training is needed before the submissive actually makes major mistakes. The submissive is unhappy and that discussion is needed to change that situation See signs of hesitation that could mean boundaries are being crossed but fear of failing the Dominant prevents the submissive from admitting it. Signs that the submissive is in difficulty during scene play, or being secretive about health issues. For the submissive: There can be subtle signs of annoyance the Dominant has that are being withheld, but should be talked out. Signs that a brat is getting to the end of the Dominant’s patience. Signs that the Dominant is having a bad day, but is working through it for the sake of the submissive. Signs that the Dominant shows that can motivate the submissive to do specific things the Dominant may enjoy at the time, but has not asked for. Signs that the Dominant isn’t in the right frame of mind for scene play and could endanger the submissive. Observation can save a dynamic, make it excel, and sometime signal the end of a dynamic, depending on the conversation that the signals bring out. Signs of needed improvement Signs that motivate unasked for comfort, care and fulfillment to please a partner. Signs that show dishonesty, trust issues and lack of respect. (Remember, vetting never ends) Without being observant, and just putting your head in the sand, you can miss important signs and signals that will affect you, good and bad. Never assume, because something is not said, that there can’t be a problem or need for improvement. Keep observant and question signals that require discussion And quietly enjoy, and feel content with, the observations that show your partners happiness and comfort with you. © 12/21/22 Ronald Dirienzo
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I'm always watching, listening, and checking. I don't do a scene when I'm angry or otherwise. It's safety first last and always. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Thank you for sharing rondiri. Great reminder and food for thought... and something worth putting into practice. "like the seas, her depth and power will only be known by He who inspires her into submission”
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There are so many things to be seen and 'heard' with just patient observing.
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During playtime with a DOM I might get noisy but I get compliments on my restraint from using safe words-even though I'm a pussy... Ha👅
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There is a say that goes: "intelligent people learn from their mistakes; wise people learn from other people's mistakes". Observation, as you well imply is an important skill, and I'd say it is a survival skill as it may actually save your life one day. Great perspective and info. Thank you for sharing, Ron
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