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Disagreements in dynamics article in comments  |
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In every dynamic, sooner or later, there will be disagreements. The trick is how you settle disagreements. Different dynamics will have different methods. Disagreements should NEVER be ignored. The Dominant should NEVER lose self-control and lash out at the submissive. Both partners should speak reasonably and work to a solution. In some, strict dynamics, the Dominant will have the last say about disagreements, and the submissive will obey and adhere to that decision. I know many readers will say that is not right, or fair. But there are those in the Community that think that is the way Master/slave relationships are handled. For them it works. And if the disagreement is REALLY that bad, and the submissive feels strongly enough, they can always revoke consent and end the dynamic. More often than not, disagreements are talked out between Dominant and submissive. This should always be done calmly. The more you get angry and start shouting, the less productive the “discussion” will be. It will just turn into a fight, with little getting resolved, but maybe the dynamic ending quickly. Every disagreement is different. It may be about the direction of the dynamic, which can lead to differences of opinion. These disagreements can be difficult to resolve, because each partner could have very different ideas about the way to go. With good communication, hopefully, a compromise can be made that satisfies both partners. It may be about limits, boundaries and taboos. This can be either an easy black and white issue, or a problem of who remembers what was agreed to in what way. This is where the difference between having things written down vs verbally agreed to comes in. Obviously if the partners have written down what is and isn’t allowed, disagreements over those issues are easily settled. When partners have to rely on memory of what was agreed to, interpretation and imagination can muddle the issue. And the more limits and boundaries, the more rules and protocols you use, the easier it is for the brain to “forget” things and create grey areas in the mind. Patience and calm needs to be used to overcome this type of disagreement, whether it is a new dynamic or an older established dynamic. This is why I believe in written agreements on limits and boundaries, protocols and rules. Especially in a new relationship. The submissive should have black and white proof of what the partners agreed to, so that the Dominant can’t take advantage of the submissive with quotes like: “I thought you said I could do that.” “You never said that was a limit.” “I thought that was a soft limit.” And a host of other things that can be said to blur agreements and try to put the blame on the submissive. A submissive shouldn’t have to deal with this. If a submissive doesn’t enjoy or like something, they have the right to make it a limit or change it to a limit. If a Dominant doesn’t want to work towards a mutually satisfying resolution, the submissive has the wrong Dominant. Always try to resolve issues, but never allow any resolution to be forced upon you. ©12/27/22 Ronald Dirienzo
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As most times, it all comes down to communication. Good topic. Thank you for sharing, Ron
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Work it out and understand that each party has their own opinions and feelings.
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Good read as always..... 
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Nice post. It happens quite often. We must continually learn to improve our communication skills.
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