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Who did the teaching, and who taught them, and so on and on? article in comments |
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I’ll be hearing from a few folks about this article. (I can even name them already). But I hope novices and maybe even some experienced folks will understand. I’ve been online a long time. Since just after AOL started offering internet access and charged by the minute. So I have heard all the reasons and excuses why people say: “No, you’re wrong it’s done this way.” But the weakest reason has always been: “My Dominant said that’s how it’s done.” Or “That’s the way I was trained.” Wonderful, great. That’s the way you were taught. But did you ever wonder if your Dominant or your mentor or the person you DM with, learned the RIGHT way in the first place? Have you ever questioned it? Have you ever researched it? Read books by respected members of the Community? Read more than one online article on the subject? Or does you Dominant forbid that? (If the Dominant forbids that, it’s a RED FLAG) Every Dominant and every submissive should verify what they are told, taught or learn. Don’t take my word for anything. Ask others, read good books, get on the internet and read as many articles as you can on every subject that interests you, or at least the ones you hear debated. Because guess what, not everyone that says they know what they are talking about, learned the correct way to do things. People make up their own ways of doing things. Which, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, is fine. But it doesn’t mean that’s the way it was meant to be done. Whether any of us like it or not, the BDSM lifestyle spiraled in all directions when the internet and fictional novelizations of the lifestyle hit the public. The internet spawned instant experts who were never mentored and taught. Things that were always taught by mentor to student, were now being learned in chat rooms filled with novices who ignored the finer points for the action and sex. And let’s face it, the action and sex were and are the drawing points for most of the people who joined these chat rooms, and later watched porn, or fictional movies and read fictional books about BDSM. That was the “fun” part of BDSM. Learning about vetting, negotiating, consent, protocols, well, that was just too boring to bother with. For people who learned the ins and outs of the Lifestyle preinternet, like me, the current state of the lifestyle is chaotic. It wasn’t that every Dominant lived exactly the same, but they all adhered to certain principles and protocols that were basic to the lifestyle and how they associated with each other. Now, so many things have become blurred, grey areas, Old Guard vs The Next Generation vs NEO BDSM. People learn the lifestyle from others, that learned from still others, that learned from watching a movie or reading a novel. Did one of your school teachers ever play the game, where one student hears a statement from the teacher and whispers it to another student and on and on until the last student announces the statement? Anyone ever hear the same statement in the end, that the teacher told the first student? That’s how the lifestyle has been taught over the last 30-40 years. It’s all been distorted in the retelling. What you read in the classic BDSM instructional books, like SM101, Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns, Different Loving and The Loving Dominant, is not what is taught today. That is why the new members to the Community have to be so careful who they listen to, and why it is so important to verify what you are told. Opinions will always vary, even in decades long past. But not all opinions can be trusted and not all opinions should be discounted just because you weren’t alive 40 years ago, old enough to know what BDSM WAS 40 years ago, or didn’t learn from mentors preinternet. History doesn’t change, though succeeding generations may try to change history. The books I mentioned above are still in print and available, if you want to know where I go some of my information, not handed down from mentors. Time have changed and I have adapted and accepted changes in the lifestyle that “Traditional” members of the Community haven’t. But some things have always been the same. They just got blurred and misunderstood in the retelling. © 2/28/23 Ronald Dirienzo
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I'm sure someone will disagree with this as it seems is always the case.....may be some of the blog AI injecting itself..... 
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Sir Ron I agree for the most part except please don't sell us submissives too short. Believe me Im interested in how EXPERIANCED the DOM is because of course it's my derriere on the line PLUS not every DOM and SUB are compatible sexually..... 👄
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3/1/2023 5:10 am |
"And so on and so on and scooby-dooby-dooby" Sly and the Family Stone - Everyday People. "Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong My own beliefs are in my song The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then Makes no difference what group I'm in I am everyday people, " My "gurl name" is Kate Coxuker. It is who i am and what i do. 
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Internet BDSM is a counter culture. It has evolved from S&M, and the underground leather clubs of the 60s and 70s. The 80s and 90s kink became more open in movies, music and TV, Dr. Phil an Oprah. The modern fetish community is simple more evolved and different than it's Spartan/De Sade origins. If you can't accept the new natural evolution of the fetish community that the internet continues to alter, get out the way. Just because we once lived in caves, doesn't mean it's the only way to live . . The times are changing.
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There is definitely a big difference between Wiseman's SM101 and a bdsm porn movie. Precisely why I gravitate to mature Doms who are preferably older than me, rather than younger.
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Could have SWORN I said I've adapted and accepted. And you added; "But some things have always been the same. They just got blurred and misunderstood in the retelling". Your belief that evolution and change are a blurring of old ways and some sort of misunderstanding is just you trying to control something beyond you. There is no "correct" in evolution Ron and it doesn't need your unenlightened approval. We are the facilitators of our own alternative evolution.
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Could have SWORN I said I've adapted and accepted. And you added; "But some things have always been the same. They just got blurred and misunderstood in the retelling". Your belief that evolution and change are a blurring of old ways and some sort of misunderstanding is just you trying to control something beyond you. There is no "correct" in evolution Ron and it doesn't need your unenlightened approval. We are the facilitators of our own alternative evolution. NO, that isn't evolution. And it's not the BDSM lifestyle that is acceptable to the community. No one HAS to listen to me about anything, but you know what, many do. Community members with 30-40 plus years of experience agree. Your philosophy doesn't fly. It's why your own blog fails. it's why your comments are disagreed with. People like you are the problem in the Community. Good luck, good riddence and GOODBYE
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You may not like the back an forth each of you bring to these blogs but those of us reading it learn from both sides of this.
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You may not like the back an forth each of you bring to these blogs but those of us reading it learn from both sides of this.
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