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Ultimatums article in comments |
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Some things in BDSM can be both positive and negative, depending on how they are used. Ultimatums can work that way. On one hand, using the ultimatum in a reasonable manor such as: “If you don’t do your chores, you will be spanked.” Or any other form of discipline or kink that has been agreed and consented to prior, has a use in a dynamic. While it is certainly a threat being made, it falls within the dynamics protocols and should not lead to any emotional or mental distress. On the other hand, an ultimatum like: “Start behaving or I’ll kick you out on the street.” Is a threat to the safety, health and wellbeing of the submissive and can lead to emotional and mental distress that can be traumatic. It can be a fine line between an ultimatum that is within the dynamics protocols and/or a jest and an ultimatum that can erode the trust and respect the submissive has for the Dominant. For that reason, Dominants need to think about what they say, how it will sound to the submissive and anyone else in ear shot. Ultimatums are easy to toss out in anger, another reason for a Dominant to cool off when angry before addressing issues with a submissive. Emotionally draining ultimatums can build up and lead to the collapse of a dynamic. Sometimes all it takes is one ultimatum to break the camel’s back. And, yes, it can work both ways. Submissives can give an ultimatum about the dynamic that can cause the collapse. Before you give an ultimatum, think about the consequences, and if the choices are reasonable, and if you want to pay the price if they are not. © 1/18/24 Ronald Dirienzo
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Thank goodness you are back in your right idiom..... 
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1/18/2024 5:48 pm |
wise words. I hope don't just read these words but understand them as well. Time spent trying to improve someone is never wasted. Many women on this. site have been broken in one way or another. Always remember the person you're dealing with might be a lot more fragile than you think.
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Usually I'm not allowed to talk when I'm with a DOM and I quickly learn to obey ultimatums. Simple rule is I do what I'm told when I'm told and I keep doing it until told to STOP or to do something else and also to keep my mouth shut unless I'm told to open it...😏
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agree. ultimatums set expectations for action. and it may happen that when one or the other party gets to the point where the ultimatum must be enforced or acted upon, they do not want to act for whatever reason. that then collapses the whole thing.
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